my arms were once a canvas
bare and crisp
i would stare, afraid of leaving any marks
when i found my love for a my favourite red biro
i started to draw
i drew beautiful things, places and everything that hurt
i painted portraits of faces i had yet to see
when the red biro ran out of ink
and the canvas aged and began to fade
i was left with a trace of everything that led me here
ugly but bittersweet
when i met him i swear id seen him before
i couldn’t pin point where from
digging through the past, the canvas seemed to find me
and there i saw him
on a beautifully scarred wrist
a beautiful portrait in all that hurt before
Nov 30, 2025
Nov 30, 2025 at 6:41 AM UTC
and i feel for my child
my child who felt the need to nick her fingers with my razor
just so she could feel what it was like to bleed
she’s just skin and bones and i’m scared i’m going to lose her
she believes that love is torture but waits for a boy with pale skin to show her what true love is
the late nights and strangers online
are showing her a world i fought to protect her from
i want to save her but she’s learnt not to trust the ones that want to help her
in her room she draws and reads and writes
about a life far away from here by the ocean
and a big window facing onto it
so she can sit and daydream about the day it’ll swallow her whole
Nov 30, 2025
Nov 30, 2025 at 4:28 AM UTC
the bath soap scent from my childhood.
the one my mother
would bring home every sunday;
for me to wash but never feel clean.
it stings,
but no longer seeps into cuts like antiseptic.
it smells like sorrow,
loneliness, and pain
yet the scent on my skin doesn’t make me sad.
i think of the girl and what the girl would think of me.
how far we’ve come;
and how we share the same scent on older skin.
Aug 18, 2024
Aug 18, 2024 at 10:37 AM UTC
and under the eyes of god he takes me
he kisses the skin crafted by angels
tainted by men
and tastes the sweet suckle honey
from between my hips
all of which makes me holy
he traces and kisses with a sharp tongue
and licks up red wine spilt fresh on my satin sheets
he wipes my tears with razor blades
in hope to see something virtuous
Aug 15, 2024
Aug 15, 2024 at 4:23 AM UTC
my sins rot my innocent flesh
even god can’t save me now
i pray and pray and pray and pray
my knees raw from the bloodied cobblestone tiles
my tears are no longer righteous
my mother told me
when god doesn’t answer, be one
but how can i be a god
when behind my eyes all i see is darkness
though red wine spills out my mouth and veins
and men take their portions of my body
the hole of which my soul once stored faith
shelters the cold empty remains of
what once was
Aug 15, 2024
Aug 15, 2024 at 4:22 AM UTC
and i hope for the child
who is no longer a child
who is now older than her abuser
to mourn the child inside her that doesn’t stop crying for salvation
to no longer feel his touch
through each hand to explore her body
to feel clean when she scrubs
her skin til it’s raw
to put down the blade before
it opens her up to so much more
i think about her when i bleed
though i don’t bleed for the same reasons now
Aug 15, 2024
Aug 15, 2024 at 4:20 AM UTC
and here i am,
cleaning myself off my bathroom tiles
in attempt to try again.
but trying again isn't as easy the 4th time around.
i want to be a kid again.
but even at 9 and 10,
11 to 16
being a kid became an adults job.
looking after myself and cleaning the dishes of uneaten food,
cleaning wounds and kissing plasters like my own mother.
i'll be okay.
that's what i'll always say,
and i guess when you say it enough
the lies become the truth
and my eyes blink away my youth.
here i am
cleaning myself off the bathroom tiles
knowing that i have to try again.
Aug 15, 2024
Aug 15, 2024 at 4:19 AM UTC
so call me tonight.
lets sing the songs of summer romances
and make plans we'll never follow through.
listen to me pluck the chords of this scratched up acoustic,
humming the lyrics that only i know apply to you
Aug 15, 2024
Aug 15, 2024 at 4:18 AM UTC
you're on my mind again.
though i left you back in the year of my downfall,
i want you to know that i forgive you.
no matter how vividly i remember feeling so numb,
taking you to a place no one had been before i was ready to.
taking my innocence
and stretching it into an unrecognisable form,
pulling it out like barbed wire through my open wounds.
though, despite all of this
despite knowing that i probably should hate you
and the realisation that you never really truly loved me.
i couldn't help but love how my blood looked on your hands,
nesting deeply under your chipped black fingernails.
i hated to admit that maybe
just maybe,
i loved how vulnerable you made me
Aug 15, 2024
Aug 15, 2024 at 4:16 AM UTC
i'm convinced *** was never meant to please me.
after so many times of doing it only to convince them to not leave,
i'd given up trying to find some pleasure.
i don't know wether or not to say,
but i'm scared that it'll make him not want to stay.
so i pick apart the stitches from my seeping wound,
and open it up with no remorse or fear of infection.
and i'll bleed everywhere in clear not red,
so he can't see through to the tears that I shed.
cause if i fake a smile it'll make him feel better,
and convince my body so it becomes wetter.
but inside my mind its just a lie,
because being wanted is better than being left to die.
Aug 15, 2024
Aug 15, 2024 at 4:14 AM UTC