i hate myself so much
and protect myself too much
that all my pain is a theory -
i guess phantom pain
is just a part of my anatomy
Apr 25
Apr 25, 2026 at 11:42 AM UTC
painted your yellows
with all my blues;
you'd think we'd get green lights
but darling, I only lost you
tried to scrub the palette off,
all squeaky clean;
but my hands still paint
your familiar gleam
if i bleed all our colors out
hang them high and dry,
if i get all the stains and pain out
from the years went by,
do you think it will be enough
for me to finally forget you?
or will I fall in love again
with this gallery i've created
of me and ---
Apr 25
Apr 25, 2026 at 11:05 AM UTC
but it's the way you purposely
put poison inside your body -
so you feel like
wanting to live again;
because the irony of it is an addiction;
how it's only now
in the brink of near-death,
you can remind yourself
you're still alive
Apr 25
Apr 25, 2026 at 11:00 AM UTC
december is grief.
quiet, harrowing -
cold.
colder then,
and
coldest now
with you
lying
six feet under.
and
all i want
is to curl up
inside this pain
it feels familiar, close -
closer now to you,
so it seems.
this pain is all we have now of you,
as it seems.
Dec 1, 2025
Dec 1, 2025 at 11:19 AM UTC
the thing about losing someone forever
is that you don't just lose them once -
but you find yourself losing them
over and over and over.
_time and time, again and again._
grief moves just like that.
some days you feel like you've got
the hang of it,
and then it hits you like a truck
on a random tuesday.
and you find yourself reliving
it all again - the pain, the weight of the news
on days like today,
it hurts like that and more,
just like it did the day we first lost you.
Nov 9, 2025
Nov 9, 2025 at 7:53 PM UTC
some days i forget that you're gone -
in my mind, you're still just
a plane ride away from me,
and all it would take is a ticket,
and then we'd get to see you again.
on days like today, you're very much alive.
i still feel you;
still feel the way my heart hums
with the excitement
of seeing you again after a long while.
perhaps i'll think of death
as something just like this,
as a gentle passing of time
before we get to see you again;
it's longer than the ones
we're usually used to,
but we're learning to be okay
with the lifetime of waiting for you
but for now i'll treasure the way
this day makes me feel -
because today, you are alive.
yes, you are alive here.
Nov 6, 2025
Nov 6, 2025 at 5:27 PM UTC
octobers are
for falling
and falling in deeper
into what –
who really ever knows
until you do
Oct 5, 2025
Oct 5, 2025 at 4:25 PM UTC
sometimes i wish you'd visit me
in my dreams too.
i could take even a nightmare,
if it meant my nightmares had you.
but that would be selfish of me
wouldn't it?
to wish you peace,
but pray you'd at least
haunt me in mine
just so i could see you again.
_i miss you, i'm sorry_
Oct 1, 2025
Oct 1, 2025 at 6:57 PM UTC
time and death
are cunning
(cruel) thieves,
and i hate them,
i hate them,
i hate them so much
for taking you away
Sep 30, 2025
Sep 30, 2025 at 11:18 PM UTC
sometimes i surprise
even myself –
with the amount of pain
i'm willing to endure
just to be with you.
Apr 8, 2025
Apr 8, 2025 at 11:37 PM UTC