i gathered up my heartbreak
disposed of it on empty sheets of paper
now i find that you're no longer
consuming my mind
and i'm almost hurt
over not hurting anymore
still thinking of you
always thinking of you
but not in the same way
now
nothing hurts
May 20, 2014
May 20, 2014 at 9:35 AM UTC
take me in the evening
so i can see the sun fall
then cover up the moon so
it's too dark to see at all
hold my hand in yours
press it tight against my chest
tell me my heart is still beating
that i am doing my best
like everybody else
say it was real love
then lay me to rest
May 20, 2014
May 20, 2014 at 9:30 AM UTC
a boy waiting patiently at the train station
he lights up a cigarette
can't smell the flowers in his hand
over the smell of petrol
i don't remember what happened
when i saw you
arms stretched, bodies entwined
happy tears, nose kisses
i never did meet you at that station
but if i did
i would still be locked in your kiss
May 11, 2014
May 11, 2014 at 9:17 AM UTC
darling darling darling darling
tell me none of this was real
that it was all in my head
so i have no expectations for the future
from you, myself or anybody else
who might walk into my life
crawl into my head
break into my heart
or fall into my bed
May 6, 2014
May 6, 2014 at 3:21 PM UTC
with the quiet damp night above us
you moved your attention
from the flicking street lamp
to the click of my lighter
and though you had known me for years
you were seeing me for the first time
you imagined something sentimental
written on my cigarette as i inhaled
and our conversation wrapped itself up
in a farewell hug, as you spoke:
'you don't look like a smoker'
'what does a smoker look like?'
'not you'
then you walked away
the only thing i noticed
was that you didn't look back
May 5, 2014
May 5, 2014 at 2:59 PM UTC
on your 18th birthday
i wrote you a poem
with shaking hands
i read it aloud to you
swallowing my fear between each stanza
you told me you loved it, loved me
today it's your 19th birthday
and in keeping with traditions
i wrote you a poem that you will never read:
when i met you it was almost like
i had known your face
from when i was a child
you were a familiarity
that wrapped me up
your voice was in the songs that i adored
your face was the dream i didn't want to wake from
your words were in love poems
that i had written before i met you
but did not understand
i loved you whole
it was exhausting
i love you still
it is exhausting
most of all i miss you
i hope i always think of you
somehow and somewhere
across the ocean
a different time zone
for every birthday that passes you
i hope it's happy, i hope you think of me too
May 3, 2014
May 3, 2014 at 7:54 PM UTC
you who keeps my bed warm
when i wander in the night
you who keeps my mind blank
with your ****** distractions
you who too often asks me about my feelings
like a shy child in the classroom
too scared to get the answer wrong
i only have one feeling
it is tangled up in the dark matter of my mind
a loss of a life, a loss of a love
the life was mine
the love was hers
your questions are shadows
on an empty bedroom wall
because i can't describe her in words anymore.
Apr 29, 2014
Apr 29, 2014 at 5:37 PM UTC
if we could see what it is to physically fall in love
i imagine it is cherry blossoms
falling on her wavy brown hair
it's her scrunched up nose as she laughs
it's her strong hands steady on your chest
the worst side is not being able to remember
how it felt to fall
after the love has gone
Apr 28, 2014
Apr 28, 2014 at 9:56 PM UTC
i cut my hair and shaved my beard
figure i have no one around who loves it anymore
i got new glasses, i think i look quite intellectual -
i can imagine you would laugh right now
i'm slightly more soft spoken
than i ever have been before
i'm filling more pages of your memories
than i have ever needed to before
i don't make much conversation
because really what's the use?
i know this time next week
one thing i won't have to do
is make your favourite homemade card; but still happy birthday you
Apr 28, 2014
Apr 28, 2014 at 2:44 PM UTC
i remember when you would beg me to read to you
in the early hours of the morning
when conversation had kept us awake
i could tell you were smiling by the sound of your exhales
although my eyes never moved from the words on the page before me.
we would make love
until you were too tired to finish a whispered 'goodnight'
i would follow you into dreams
my last and first thoughts always of happiness
this was a long time ago
before i left you, before you left me
that's the thing with love;
it changes
it begins like a fire
embers and smoke
until it's Winter
you're alone
and the smell of ash is making you remember
everything you wish you could forget
Apr 26, 2014
Apr 26, 2014 at 9:05 PM UTC