when I tell him about you...
i'm not going to lie.
i'm not going to tell him
you were a good man that wanted him
but couldn't find a way.
that would be a lie.
when I tell him about you...
i'm going to do my best to be honest
without breaking his little heart
the way I once thought you broke mine.
what would be the point?
when I tell him about you...
i will tell him about all the times
you made me feel happy, but not that
every one of those moments were dripping in guilt.
i want him to know you were good once.
i'll tell him you were in the military
i'll tell him you were a brilliant story-teller
that built beautiful intricate worlds that twisted and turned
just like our lives did when we met.
even better, i'll tell him how we met
over a D&D table surrounded by people
and how much hurt we could've avoided had we left the
friendship in the fantasy world our characters thrived in...
maybe i'll leave the nerdy bits out though...
when i tell him about you i will make sure he knows your name, i'll make sure he knows enough to paint a picture in his mind and hold on to, not to idealize but just to know. you were good once. But i hope to God he never finds you. i hope he never feels the way i do about you, full of resentment and disdain because you chose elsewhere instead of here with our son.
My son.
He deserves more than you could ever have given him anyway.
Mar 13, 2018
Mar 13, 2018 at 11:24 PM UTC
Sometimes I forget for an instant
who we are.
In those moments where:
I hold your head in my lap and brush my hands through your hair.
You hold me captive against you under the freezing stream of water in the shower.
I watch the lights dance across your face as we drive through small towns late at night.
You stand behind me in the kitchen next to the stove, strewing kisses across my back,
my shoulders, my neck.
In those moments you are everything. You are mine.
And she doesn't exist.
Aug 10, 2016
Aug 10, 2016 at 11:47 AM UTC
My bones feel heavy and
my skin presses tight into my
cold, purple sheets.
There is a knot tearing at the center of
my chest.
Arteries pump blood like fire to my heart and I fear it may combust.
Burn me up like an incinerator,
flames engulf every part of who I am,
dragging everything around me
into the implosion, spitting out
Ashes of what could've been.
Dec 28, 2015
Dec 28, 2015 at 8:06 PM UTC
We are the same,
tiny specks floating
weightlessly in the abyss.
We are the same,
orbiting the sun
but never moving forward,
only in circles.
We come from the same
Constellation. From the same
one heart in this universe
but we are drifting.
The gravitational pull
of our childhood is
weak and we are
left grasping
at falling
stars.
Burning up before we hit
the ground.
Absence of sound will send
us spiraling down.
black holes
distributing us into galaxies
that do not intersect.
But only if we let it.
Oct 6, 2015
Oct 6, 2015 at 1:39 PM UTC
my heart is made of scattered stars
glowing bright with their intent.
the constellation beautiful from afar
until the darkness comes.
Collapse is all there is.
the sweeping desolation.
shadows of once-brilliant celestial bodies
buried deep inside a shell with a
devastated soul.
my heart is made of scattered stars
that fold under pressure of
Love. Passion. Finality.
but when one star dies
the rest burn brighter
in the absence of its light.
Sep 13, 2015
Sep 13, 2015 at 9:10 PM UTC
my lungs collapse upon themselves
as I listen to you speak,
causing my chest to squeeze
and my ribs to break.
Sep 13, 2015
Sep 13, 2015 at 9:03 PM UTC
Once someone earns my love,
I can never take it back.
I will always remember the way the light reflects
in the blue of your eyes and I'll
always remember why I love you.
I will never forget the way your hands feel
tracing across my back in the shadows cast by moonlight
and I will never forget why I love you.
I will know the feel of your lips brushing mine
in the closest embrace we can manage and
I will know, always, why I love you.
but together we wear out,
we fall apart,
we pretend everything is fine.
that i'm just yours and you're only mine...
But in the end we burned up like stars
we fizzled out, faded away
But I will never forget that I love you.
Apr 9, 2015
Apr 9, 2015 at 3:50 PM UTC
When the time comes to say goodbye
to the laughs and the love and our half-cocked dreams,
to the feel of your lips and the played out scenes,
when we're going through the motions and
we're running out of steam,
please know that I will miss you.
When the sound of your heartbeat is no longer
the perfect soundtrack to fall asleep to
and I reach for something stronger to dull my senses
and I long for something to feel real again after all this time,
please know that I will miss you.
When I stop expecting you to touch me
in a way that doesn't just feel like lust,
in a way that strikes me with the feeling
of being loved and not just craved
please know I will miss you.
When being your rock becomes the only thing I'm good at,
the only thing that I feel you need me around for,
and it's the only reason I'm still here at all...
I will miss you.
When my heart can stand to break yours,
when I take my love away,
I will always miss you.
Apr 9, 2015
Apr 9, 2015 at 3:44 PM UTC
I found solace in your darkness,
I took on your hurt and made it my own.
When you were drowning so was I,
and I always got your head up before mine.
I wore my heart out taking on
every end of the world, every crash and burn.
My love for you became my duty,
I became your wall to hide behind.
and now I crumble under the pressure,
now I can't find my light.
I cannot drag you from the depths
even though my love has tried.
I hope someday you find a love
that makes you come alive.
Apr 9, 2015
Apr 9, 2015 at 3:33 PM UTC
I was Vivacious, lively, wild.
A girl who was wild and free.
I was the romantic, the addict.
the unhealthiest of combinations.
With you
I confused
Trust with Lust.
they say you wanted this from the first moment, and in the end you were deadly.
there was no middle ground
you would **** all on this earth,
setting the place on fire and
the water cannot save me
if you cannot have me.
it is okay to be breakable,
to never rely on anything as indecisive as chance.
to be fake, be secretive
to stop giving it more attention than it needs.
Temptation lies ahead.
but romance is still alive, if you put forth the effort.
I need to learn to fall in love with a person- not just the idea of
falling
in
love.
I should know by now that I can be
deeply emotional or completely merciless,
there can be no in between.
I am a Mermaid,
I am a Phoenix ,
I will rise from the ashes of this broken love and break free of the tides that have all but drowned me over the years.
You have no power over me.
I am Vivacious, lively, wild.
A girl who is wild and free.
I AM the romantic, I will always be the addict.
the unhealthiest of combinations,
but also the most exciting.
Mar 17, 2015
Mar 17, 2015 at 1:43 AM UTC