I'm trying to see you tonight.
I'm dancing through
the depths of my mind.
I'm searching through
the dense forest trees.
Swimming through the
laughter and the tears
and the lies (the leaves).
Believe me, I don't ever
want to see you hurt.
You believed my lies -
I know the truth hurts.
All the times you cried
and yet, you still lifted
up your skirt.
I guess I'm slime.
You're a dime.
In the end you'll win
because without a heart
I'll die.
You see : I still love you,
but you don't love me.
I still need you,
but you don't need me.
You're fresh air,
and without you I can't breathe.
Congratulations, my love,
you've won the war.
Jul 18, 2016
Jul 18, 2016 at 11:13 AM UTC
I see my reflection
in the bright stars
of the wide night sky.
I'm walking up a five-step
staircase, hoping that
when I leap off it I can take flight.
I want to be an eagle.
I want to be free.
I want to spread my wings
and fly high,
living above everything.
I want to be a skinny
punk rocker, head-banging
my life away.
I want to trip on
drugs for a couple
of years for absolutely
no reason.
I just want to dance
and write clever
poetry and be seen
as an iconoclast.
An intellectual rebel
who nobody agrees
with, but who everybody
respects and looks up to.
I want to be homeless
and spend my days
walking from place to place,
just wanting a piece of bread
to eat each day.
Just that is enough.
And I'll have no-one to
answer to.
No-one whom I need
to respect or care about.
I can just go wherever
I want and do whatever I want.
Of course I'll be scorned
and rejected by society
because of my
foul appearance
and lack of initiative,
but who the **** cares?
I'm already in that boat,
the only difference is
that I have the money
to keep clean and tidy
and I have a job,
so I'm classified as a
'productive member of society.'
So people don't actually
like me any more than
they like a hobo,
but there is a sense of
mutual respect.
But it isn't real respect
because real respect is
based on feeling respectful
towards someone.
This 'mutual respect' was
taught to us as a means
of getting along
with other people.
So it's premeditated.
Meaningless.
"I respect you because
I've been taught to do so.
But, if I could, I would tell
you what a **** I think
you really are and send a
big old **** YOU
right your way."
I want to be one of these
extremely rich, young
celebrities with a
reality show on TV.
I want to know what
it's like to be as shallow
and ignorant as these people
and just not give
a **** about anything
except my
20-thousand dollar
birthday parties
and my own boat
and how much
I'm going to drink
when I go out
and which hard drug
I'm going to
experiment with next.
I guess what all these things -
the eagle, the iconoclast,
the homeless man and
the rich celebrity - have
in common is that
they all have a high
degree of freedom.
That's what we're all
really searching for,
isn't it? Freedom.
True, unchained, limitless freedom.
Jun 11, 2016
Jun 11, 2016 at 6:56 AM UTC
Where have you gone to?
Do you still speak
through your hazel eyes?
You're still the one I belong to.
After all this time
it's funny I still cry.
I don't know where to go
when I'm feeling somewhere
in between blue and yellow.
I don't know how to lie,
but it's funny how I still try.
Just so you know,
I miss you.
This is not a good poem,
I'm just speaking my mind.
Just so you know,
I love you.
It seems that I'll love you
until the day I die.
I hope you're happy.
I hope you still have your soul.
I can't escape you.
You're trapped deep
in my psyche,
you're like marrow to my bones.
I haven't seen you in years,
but my memory
won't ever fade.
I learnt the hard way
that sometimes the ones
you love most are the first to
get taken away.
Just so you know,
it's still you.
I know it's ridiculous.
Just so you know,
after all I've been through,
I still haven't broken
our teenage promises.
Jun 8, 2016
Jun 8, 2016 at 4:19 AM UTC
**It's a futile world that
we're living in, babe.
It's a slow death I'm dying
through living in shame.
It's a broken dream I was sold
in the gutters.
It's the despair in the night time
when I weep for my mother.
The tears that sting me like whips
till I bruise,
broken dreams of tomorrow
choke me like a noose.
And I'm desperate and depressed
and can't fight the pain.
I'm ugly and worn out,
wish somebody would be my *******
'Cause it's hard on your own when
you can't stand yourself.
Death seems so sweet when
living is such hell.
Who would catch me and save me
and stop me from falling?
Who would stay by my side
when I hear the graveyard calling?
Who would hold the bucket while
my blood drips it full?
Because I'm too weak - corroding
as I wait for love like a fool.
Give me your body just
one more time.
Just a little taste for the memory,
a kiss and I'll be fine.
You're the only one who made me
feel like a figure.
Now I'm just a cipher,
my life's a gun and you're the trigger.
So release yourself and end me
and stop me from falling.
Be the one to turn me to ashes
when I hear the graveyard calling.
When the drugs wear off
and the thrill is gone,
you begin to realise
you can only hide from yourself
for so long.
As life patiently breaks you
with each passing second,
and blinds you with fear
until you've lost all direction.
Death is a quiet street when
from a tower you're falling.
When your screams fall on deaf ears and you feel your soul crawling.
All this time it's me
who they've been ignoring.
I'll have to stand on
my own when I hear the
graveyard calling.**
Nov 20, 2015
Nov 20, 2015 at 9:47 AM UTC
The one that I could
take away the pain with.
The one who'd take me
to my dreamland and
be someone to play with
like when we were six.
I've always dreamed of this.
Take me back to my
childhood and let's forget
about this adult ****
I can't really remember
the last time someone
was close to me.
But you're so close
you're almost inside
my heart - this is what
love is supposed to be, right?
I wouldn't really know
'cause I can't say that
I've experienced it.
I want to be yours
forever if you'll be my angel
even when I'm lying
in a six-foot pit.
I want you to be the
light in my tunnel-dark life.
I want you to stay
with me tonight.
Nov 20, 2015
Nov 20, 2015 at 2:08 AM UTC
I called her up at ten,
guess I needed some attention.
Needed someone to
drop my thoughts on,
hoping she could
help me to relieve
some of this tension.
Had some feelings I guess,
didn't know if it was something
I ought to mention.
Just been feeling a little
stressed out, even
needed a blunt after
my gym session.
Nov 19, 2015
Nov 19, 2015 at 3:34 PM UTC
Time, sleep and love deprived.
I'm an insomniac
trapped in his own mind.
I'm only sleeping
with the cousin of death.
I guess I lost myself
the day you left.
I've ran through this
forest too many times.
I can't seem to find
the right signs.
I'm out here holding
my fuckin' breath.
Suffocating since the day you left.
Nov 19, 2015
Nov 19, 2015 at 3:18 PM UTC
As I'm laying in bed
the world weighs me down
into a deep sleep.
I spend my days walking
on water, so my steps
never tread too deep.
My grave may be shallow,
but my soul sinks
deeper than six feet.
I'm still waiting for your call,
it's been three years
and six weeks.
Nov 19, 2015
Nov 19, 2015 at 3:03 PM UTC
Just smile, force it through.
It's O.K. that you're
teary-eyed and nobody
really understands you.
Just smile, please the crowd.
Follow their ways and fit in -
it's better than being left out.
Just smile, learn to pretend.
Embrace everybodies hate
and make your enemies
your friends.
Just smile, lose your soul.
Sell yourself out and
let them have all the control.
Just smile, **** yourself.
Death is sweet and gentle,
living with this fake smile
is hell.
Just smile.
**** yourself.
Nov 19, 2015
Nov 19, 2015 at 2:55 PM UTC
You're a lady of the light,
you're a lady of the dark.
You come at me
from all directions.
Dear Lady, you've
taken my heart.
Your crystal eyes shoot me down
everytime you stare at me.
Stop me in my tracks,
grab my soul before
it runs away from me.
Become my soul
and drizzle me like the rain.
Grant me my life-long wish
to be free.
Nov 19, 2015
Nov 19, 2015 at 2:52 PM UTC