stargaria - Hello Poetry

I often think, Of everything I wanted, But in a blink, I’m back to where I started. I thought I really would care, Judge myself into submission, But my mind is just so bare, From which there is no remission. I often think, Of everything I once wanted, But in a blink, I’m back to where I started. My mind is dark, It’s got nothing that I wanted, The future is stark, But that’s not what I wanted. I’m left to think, Of nothing I ever wanted, But in a blink, I’m back to where I started. The curtain draws, My future has departed, The sound of claws, Red is how we started.

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Jan 21, 2020

Jan 21, 2020 at 7:49 PM UTC

I often thought.

I often think, Of everything I wanted, But in a blink, I’m back to where I started. I thought I really would care, Judge myself into submission, But my mind is just so bare, From which there is no remission. I often think, Of everything I once wanted, But in a blink, I’m back to where I started. My mind is dark, It’s got nothing that I wanted, The future is stark, But that’s not what I wanted. I’m left to think, Of nothing I ever wanted, But in a blink, I’m back to where I started. The curtain draws, My future has departed, The sound of claws, Red is how we started.

24

Right now I feel alone, I have friends- really good friends! They never leave me, And they go by depression and anxiety. Sometimes I talk to them, We discuss pressing issues like politics and art, Everyone else tries to tell me, They're the ones tearing me apart. But those others aren't my friends, They aren't here now when I'm alone and when I cry, They aren't there when I need someone to talk to, Depression and anxiety, they're the ones that are really thoughtful. As we speak I have a fever, I'm talking to myself to what the best method of healing should be, The others? They don't care about it either. I'm in my house all alone, Sweating, panicking, Trying not to let my third friend join today's gathering. I met my third friend through the other two, We don't get on as much, He makes the others dislike me. He does this by taking control, He plays with my body like it were a marionette, He makes breathing impossible, Speech incomparable to any modern tongue. I have my ways of dealing with friend 3, First I talk to depression and anxiety, Count to ten, Finally I'm free.

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Jul 12, 2017

Jul 12, 2017 at 7:25 PM UTC

My Three Friends

Right now I feel alone, I have friends- really good friends! They never leave me, And they go by depression and anxiety. Sometimes I talk to them, We discuss pressing issues like politics and art, Everyone else tries to tell me, They're the ones tearing me apart. But those others aren't my friends, They aren't here now when I'm alone and when I cry, They aren't there when I need someone to talk to, Depression and anxiety, they're the ones that are really thoughtful. As we speak I have a fever, I'm talking to myself to what the best method of healing should be, The others? They don't care about it either. I'm in my house all alone, Sweating, panicking, Trying not to let my third friend join today's gathering. I met my third friend through the other two, We don't get on as much, He makes the others dislike me. He does this by taking control, He plays with my body like it were a marionette, He makes breathing impossible, Speech incomparable to any modern tongue. I have my ways of dealing with friend 3, First I talk to depression and anxiety, Count to ten, Finally I'm free.

29

Mum I want silence, I want isolation leave me be, Mum I'm desperate can't you see? I'm so frightened of what's beyond, Mum don't leave me alone, It's only you of whom I'm fond, Mum the people they scare me, They say I'm fine and free to go, Mum I'm hurting can't you see? I'm all alone wishing my crypt, Mum I'm in containment it's what I wish, It wasn't by accident that I tripped, Mum I'm helpless but nobody seems to care, I'm sorry I'm not strong enough, Mum This pain I can no longer bare, I'm sorry but the only way is to leave, Mum you can't save my blood now, I won't wear my heart upon my sleeve.

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Jul 2, 2017

Jul 2, 2017 at 7:20 PM UTC

An ode to mum

Mum I want silence, I want isolation leave me be, Mum I'm desperate can't you see? I'm so frightened of what's beyond, Mum don't leave me alone, It's only you of whom I'm fond, Mum the people they scare me, They say I'm fine and free to go, Mum I'm hurting can't you see? I'm all alone wishing my crypt, Mum I'm in containment it's what I wish, It wasn't by accident that I tripped, Mum I'm helpless but nobody seems to care, I'm sorry I'm not strong enough, Mum This pain I can no longer bare, I'm sorry but the only way is to leave, Mum you can't save my blood now, I won't wear my heart upon my sleeve.

18

I have experienced my body divide, My body has split in two and moved, It's moved physically and mentally, I don't know where I belong. Physically I've moved from one country to another, Mentally I thought I'd remain, Agenda after agenda and attacks on those least fortunate, Causation of my mentality to now follow suit and depart the supposed land of cultural heritage. Going 'home' no longer feels like home, It feels wrong, I feel shaky, I feel judged, I want to leave they're looking at me, But I'm white I have privelidge, My physicality doesn't let me fall to prejudice but my mentality does, It's like I'm invisible, Undercover, I'm a target but they know not of me. Judgement made in prejudice, Discrimination made in skin colour and faith, This is no longer my home, Goodbye.

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Jul 2, 2017

Jul 2, 2017 at 7:38 AM UTC

Separation

I have experienced my body divide, My body has split in two and moved, It's moved physically and mentally, I don't know where I belong. Physically I've moved from one country to another, Mentally I thought I'd remain, Agenda after agenda and attacks on those least fortunate, Causation of my mentality to now follow suit and depart the supposed land of cultural heritage. Going 'home' no longer feels like home, It feels wrong, I feel shaky, I feel judged, I want to leave they're looking at me, But I'm white I have privelidge, My physicality doesn't let me fall to prejudice but my mentality does, It's like I'm invisible, Undercover, I'm a target but they know not of me. Judgement made in prejudice, Discrimination made in skin colour and faith, This is no longer my home, Goodbye.

20

I must free myself from these chains. I'm drained. Powerless. I must liberate myself from them. I'm weak. Insignificant. I must fight for myself. I'm unstoppable. Doubtful. I must heighten myself. I'm hidden. Distanced. I must live for myself. I'm human. Special.

0

Jun 20, 2017

Jun 20, 2017 at 11:45 AM UTC

Untitled

I must free myself from these chains. I'm drained. Powerless. I must liberate myself from them. I'm weak. Insignificant. I must fight for myself. I'm unstoppable. Doubtful. I must heighten myself. I'm hidden. Distanced. I must live for myself. I'm human. Special.

15

Emotions drift with an influx of selflessness, Edging and forcing one to do actions which may in turn be unwanted, Emotions drift with a sweet sense of goodbye, Relieving one of many duties and giving the most ever precious reward, Emotions drift to a new source, But the love still remains

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May 10, 2017

May 10, 2017 at 2:31 AM UTC

Untitled

Emotions drift with an influx of selflessness, Edging and forcing one to do actions which may in turn be unwanted, Emotions drift with a sweet sense of goodbye, Relieving one of many duties and giving the most ever precious reward, Emotions drift to a new source, But the love still remains

6

I have a feeling deep inside, So horrible so powerful, It rips me from inside. I have a feeling deep inside, So complex so painful It tears me from inside. I have a feeling deep inside, So scary so morbid, It kills me from inside. I have a feeling deep inside, So guilty so sinful, It persecutes me from inside. I have a feeling deep inside, So alone so isolated, It abandons me from inside.

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Dec 5, 2016

Dec 5, 2016 at 5:11 PM UTC

My Outer Shell

I have a feeling deep inside, So horrible so powerful, It rips me from inside. I have a feeling deep inside, So complex so painful It tears me from inside. I have a feeling deep inside, So scary so morbid, It kills me from inside. I have a feeling deep inside, So guilty so sinful, It persecutes me from inside. I have a feeling deep inside, So alone so isolated, It abandons me from inside.

15

What is life? I can no longer tell you. I've discovered the darkest most secret corners, Ones which I'm afraid of, Yet I don't care about. It's something I can't explain, Being scared yet not caring. I want it all to end. The pain, the suffering, I want peace, That's all.

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Nov 12, 2015

Nov 12, 2015 at 1:55 PM UTC

Untitled

What is life? I can no longer tell you. I've discovered the darkest most secret corners, Ones which I'm afraid of, Yet I don't care about. It's something I can't explain, Being scared yet not caring. I want it all to end. The pain, the suffering, I want peace, That's all.

11

I don't know what to do, It's getting so ridiculous, I can't even walk beside you. Your glittering eyes, Your tall build, These must all be lies, With which I am filled. Your first name is all I know, No classes no hobbies, None that I know. Love at first sight is just a myth! But your face, it, it's, I, How can I love you when we've never spoken? Who are you? Where did you come from? What is your name? Am I going insane? Butterflies flutter like there's no tomorrow, Nausea kicks in; I panic, I can't make eye contact in case you see, I can't walk by without hinting a smile, And I certainly can't talk without a stututtle. Are you even gay? I guess that's what I need to know, Is your birthday in May? I guess that'd be nice to know, Next to me will you lay? I guess THAT we'll never know.

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Sep 28, 2015

Sep 28, 2015 at 3:04 PM UTC

Tell me your name?

I don't know what to do, It's getting so ridiculous, I can't even walk beside you. Your glittering eyes, Your tall build, These must all be lies, With which I am filled. Your first name is all I know, No classes no hobbies, None that I know. Love at first sight is just a myth! But your face, it, it's, I, How can I love you when we've never spoken? Who are you? Where did you come from? What is your name? Am I going insane? Butterflies flutter like there's no tomorrow, Nausea kicks in; I panic, I can't make eye contact in case you see, I can't walk by without hinting a smile, And I certainly can't talk without a stututtle. Are you even gay? I guess that's what I need to know, Is your birthday in May? I guess that'd be nice to know, Next to me will you lay? I guess THAT we'll never know.

28

He creeps in, Makes no sound. I feel him, As he exhales his crystallising cold breath, Cold to the touch yet warm. He holds me, Helps me, Saves me. His blue icy lips gentle kiss, My neck is frozen, My spine it shivers. A tear flowing down my cheek, Slows as it solidifies, To cold, icy dust. I'm stagnant, Immobile, Scared. He slowly moves, Icicles are forming on my chin, As tears flow. My eyes are shut but I feel his blistering, cold breath, As it embraces my face, I can breathe. His lips move closer, I can feel it. They meet mine in perfect alignment, And then it was blue, As they joined mine we formed a lilac sea, Cold to the touch, Inviting me in. My eyes opened, He was gone, Again, I was alone.

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Aug 11, 2015

Aug 11, 2015 at 10:31 AM UTC

Him

He creeps in, Makes no sound. I feel him, As he exhales his crystallising cold breath, Cold to the touch yet warm. He holds me, Helps me, Saves me. His blue icy lips gentle kiss, My neck is frozen, My spine it shivers. A tear flowing down my cheek, Slows as it solidifies, To cold, icy dust. I'm stagnant, Immobile, Scared. He slowly moves, Icicles are forming on my chin, As tears flow. My eyes are shut but I feel his blistering, cold breath, As it embraces my face, I can breathe. His lips move closer, I can feel it. They meet mine in perfect alignment, And then it was blue, As they joined mine we formed a lilac sea, Cold to the touch, Inviting me in. My eyes opened, He was gone, Again, I was alone.

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