th pain was a monument to itself
saying 'i am u, and u r my god'
i waited for it to crack into manageable pieces
sat full of my own nothing until it made sense
cast spells to remember to take my meds
but ur abuse has a body count
and my justice was lost in translation
i told myself i had earned my anger
and bled on anyone i cld
until i found myself alone, soaked in blood tht was no longer mine
but pain doesnt melt so easy
it is liquid air in my lungs pressing against me until i soften arnd it
it is a black eye i can no longer keep saying i got in a fight
i wish i cld run parallel to it
but now my head swims between realities
everyone thought i wld grow out of it but instead i grew into it
i can nearly taste th end like a light flickering between tired and sleepy
but almost is nvr enough
Dec 15, 2018
Dec 15, 2018 at 2:44 AM UTC
i've never known the safety of a chest
i speak in tongues to my hands
kiss my own knuckles
fill my own mouth with blood
and convince myself that this is love
but love is a peaceful moon
unmarred
stuffed with understanding
it is baring your throat and crying
'please come home'
it fills my chest snugly
but i am a sharp knife
like my father and his
the tenderness dies in my throat
Nov 4, 2018
Nov 4, 2018 at 1:48 AM UTC
the world is white at its edges
bathed in stolen light
carried to anxiety by a fake god
its heatless words
dying in its throat
Nov 4, 2018
Nov 4, 2018 at 1:15 AM UTC
you are the shifting light i am endlessly chasing
but i'm inside out and terrified of peace
and you're looking for his heart in my chest
Sep 8, 2018
Sep 8, 2018 at 5:59 AM UTC
[intro]
Am F C E
e|------------------------------------0--------------------------------------|
B|---1-----1--1-----1---1-----1-----1-------1-----1---1-----1---1-----1---0--|
G|-------2--------2---------2-----2-------------0---------0---------0--------|
D|-----2--------2---------3-----3-------3-----2---------2---------2----------|
A|-0--------0---------0-------------------3---------3---------3---------2----|
E|---------------------------------------------------------------------------|
E
e|---------------------------------------------------------------------------|
B|-----0---0-----0---0-------------------------------------------------------|
G|---1---------1-------------------------------------------------------------|
D|-2---------2---------------------------------------------------------------|
A|-------2---------2---------------------------------------------------------|
E|---------------------------------------------------------------------------|
Jun 3, 2017
Jun 3, 2017 at 2:42 AM UTC
she held me th way one kicks aside smeared bug, which is to say: gentle, unwilling, and all fearing
th tender pain she left to mold felt all weakness leave my body
her darkness was th light with which i navigated the puddles of beer and wet clothes, th very image of a god in utero
i was again, the bug, carcass and feeling all stuck
tethered to reality by trauma and th promise of survival
yet still
in very much th same way one flicks about th switches to lights that have lng since felt th soft burn of life give out, she asked if i loved her
to which i replied: i don't - i don't - i don't - i don't feel safe
Apr 29, 2017
Apr 29, 2017 at 5:07 AM UTC
holiness dissociates between my eyes
samurais with ptsd and human tendencies
are the closest to a lulluby during noon
between rib and flesh, the movement uncomfortable
Mar 20, 2017
Mar 20, 2017 at 3:46 AM UTC
i was raised from a seed only knowing the taste of my own blood
belts planted in my thighs, back, my skin became the soil for bad intentions to sprout
gravity dissociates when shoes are airborne or at hand
i know you held down every animal slaughtered
that you were bred from the same seed, denied water and sun
but forgiveness isn't fine china, and i can't make it for you
bitemarks are the only thing i could defend myself with
yr fingerprints never faded from my collar
it dilutes with the passing of generations
but the meaning stays the same
Mar 1, 2017
Mar 1, 2017 at 7:04 AM UTC
i want to die inside yr ***** bedsheets
my teenaged years were mapped by hoodie string nooses, crystals shards, and hands tightening about my throat
i am still finding pieces of you at the bottom of this beer bottle
don't call me at 4 in the morning to tell me you smoked ****
we don't need to talk about this now
even if i let every plant die and burned at the edges
i only miss yr dog
Feb 20, 2017
Feb 20, 2017 at 5:38 AM UTC
i know how to deal with the wounds but i was never taught what to do with the blood
the meds may have chased away the monsters, but i'm not done playing dead
Feb 9, 2017
Feb 9, 2017 at 5:47 AM UTC