She wasn't the type of girl that took things lightly
When she felt, she felt with the intensity of a hurricane
When she loved, she loved deeply like the unexplored depths of the ocean
When she broke, she broke like a million glass houses shattered by a hailstorm
When she cried, she could drown the universe in her tears
And overtime she's numbed herself
To teach her heart how to stop feeling
And she would laugh and dance like she was a feather in the night sky
She would live as if she was the only one alive
But every beautiful sunset is followed by
A mask of opaque darkness--
And she couldn't see the stars
Because there was nothing to wish for
Until the morning sun rose
And she felt nothing but a bitter loneliness
And perpetual emptiness
Mar 30, 2015
Mar 30, 2015 at 6:38 PM UTC
"I want to know you moved and breathed in the same world with me”
High tides, wash over the footprints, carries them deep into the abyss. I kissed the shoreline, waiting for the salty taste to wake me up, revive me.
Warm breezes, shuffle my hair, winds it up in knots. I brush it slowly, knowing the pain would soon be over, once the knots untie.
Blistering heat, burns my skin, turns me red from the inside out. I am filled with love, heartache, anger, and pain, I let it explode.
I watched the sand sift through my fingertips, unable to hold on, unable to keep my promises.
I watched the clouds drift mindlessly in the pale blue sky, no heart strings tied down, attached to each other.
I watched the people, move slowly, like small ants, no pain, only smiles.
My heavy sighs are my song to the sea, the waves are my home, they sway with me.
I notice how the rocks in the ocean wither, but my ability to love does not.
Unconditional— like the sun and moon’s straining love affair.
The world spins, I stay steady, quiet.
Gravity keeps me on the ground, but my mind is up in the clouds.
Or maybe it’s all a simple passing of time
I can’t tell anymore.
What is real, I am not sure.
All I can feel is your lingering smile,
Knowing it’s somewhere else, long gone.
All I can see are masses of people, moving, loving, breathing the same air as me.
Where are you?
Feb 19, 2015
Feb 19, 2015 at 10:26 PM UTC
Overhead the stars glimmered and the moon rested and all I could feel was a soft embrace, carrying me in tune with the wind. There was nothing left to lose, except life itself. I felt the heavy weights glide off of my shoulders and onto the pale green meadow beside me. A sweet mellifluous hymn sounded in the near distance, in tune with the Sun's descend toward Earth's core. Leaves rustle, the water ripples, so much movement around me, but I lay still. The tranquility is intoxicating, I don't wish to leave. This is my grand finale, yet somehow I find the exit signs exhausting to follow. I wished I could listen once more to the sound "I love you" makes but it's been years since I've heard it. It's been years since I felt anything but numb. All this time my mind has kept me isolated and trapped-- unable to find a solace. I couldn't make a home out of a person because I did that once and I was never able to recover what I lost from myself inside of him. This peaceful meadow is my one true love, nature being the ultimate constant in my life. It is, has, always will be around. Trust the whispering trees and dance to the swan's song. This is the chorus of my life, this is the final chapter of my book, I am free, I am free, I am free.
Feb 3, 2015
Feb 3, 2015 at 9:09 PM UTC
You were the moon, the stars, and everything in between
But we fell apart like houses shattered by devastating hurricanes
And were trampled by the panic of tornadoes rumbling our hearts and cluttering our minds
But I swore I'd never see another sunrise
Without your hands occupied around my waist
Smiling with such certainty and elation
Sandcastle monuments glittered in the risen sun
And dancing waves met the shore infinitely
And that's how I envisioned our love-
Like the ocean's unfaltering meeting of the shore every time it breaks away
Like our lips and your cola residue
Dripping onto my tongue
I swore I tasted happiness when I kissed your smile
And I swore I felt alive when we jumped off of the edge of the Earth together
Free-falling into life's copious fortunes and misfortunes
I was lucky when I was with you
And now that the waves have swept you under the riptide we no longer meet
Forever was short, forever has ended
Separated by the fallacy of consistency and routine
I am embodied by bad luck in the form of face down pennies
And black cats circling my yard while lie outstretched on the ground, consumed by the dewy grass
Looking for you somewhere in the sky
The stars are my source of light
Since you no longer provide this commodity
I glance into the immense and mysterious abyss and beg for your voice
Like a foolish attempt to save the collection of memories and conversations and store them inside shooting stars
The salty floods rush to my eyes like devilish waterfalls
Sliding down my cheek with such ease
And every now and then ill look up at the moon
And see happiness resting inside the tiny sliver presented and I come to realize that
I may have just been a crescent in your sky
But you were my whole moon
(You promised always)
May 4, 2014
May 4, 2014 at 8:48 PM UTC
Wake up! You're dreaming!
Let incense fill the air
and infiltrate your nostrils, flowing to a composed set of lungs retreating from the scene
The anchor's overweight-
You stand no chance
In a ship with no sails, and a current so strong
The pirates on your tail overwhelm the anxiety brewing inside your soul
Stop the madness! A world with no thought-
Insanity pursues and seduces an open opportunity,
Setting chains around your wrists and ankles, locking you down
The bare white walls-
Immaculately maintained
A room filled with emptiness
And your ears consuming silence,
Which echos the panic to your slow-paced heart
Run away! You're dying-
Feel it's cold breath beating against the frail hairs on your neck
Invisible hands grasping for your throat, but your lips won't allow any words to espcape it
Paralytical agents readying your imminent fate
Whacking willows- an unfair fight
Feet that fail you and wings that disappear
No weapons of retalliation or even the speed of a jaguar for assistance
You're helpless, and alone
Abandonment strikes you in the heart as Death catches up
Scream! Call for help!
A lifeless corpse hovering above like a satanic ritual is ensuing
But a thin film of haze separates you from the rotting corpse
The knife, an inch away from your ski-slope nose,
And the pre-pain sets in before the action
Repetitive cycles of death and rebirth-
Exhausting the energy out of your once lively heart
Sinking to the depths of the sea
And buried in the ground of a vast and perplexing woodland-
You learn of your extremeist fear
Wake up!- You're dreaming!
An alarm set for 5 a.m beeps while your breath is caught in your lungs and your sweat forms like beads on your forehead
Anxiety, Insanity, Abandonment, and Fear are the leading actors in every dream you have
If only you weren't such a manic insomniac.
Mar 28, 2014
Mar 28, 2014 at 11:55 PM UTC
Another case of missing you
And all I have are empty pill bottles
And broken picture frames
Scattering my carpet
I've lost the will to suffer the poison of my mind
And the frailty of my heart
Loose-leaf love notes lay unwritten
Begging to be finished
The ache that writhes inside my chest is your absence
And the miracle of your voice
Faded daydreams fight through the nightmares
Yearning for sincerity in their actions
Inside misty lullabies are arising heart palpitations
And thoughts of "what could've been"
Ephemeral kisses mask my lips
Raging for redemption
Unaligned stars failed to hold us together
And seal our dearest fate
Trite misunderstandings hide my frowns
Beneath the surface of reality
Half-bitten apples like fragments of my heart disperse on the floor
And attract anxious ants
Hallow stomaches crave more than the necessity of nutrients
It requests psychological fulfillment
Swallowed confessions you continue to choke on
And repeating apologies
Distrusting anchors hold me back from the words I wish to say
Begging for love
An ocean, of salty tears
Drip onto the tastebuds that always adored you
And suddenly- nostalgic eyes are all I see
In the mirror
Mar 8, 2014
Mar 8, 2014 at 7:24 PM UTC
My darling,
Life didn't love me like you did-
Bringing flowers to my grave dressed in your Sunday best
Each night a new memory you'd share
As your teardrops flooded the grass above me
My skin may wither away but your feelings do not
And I'm sorry I left you a mess,
I was never all that tidy
My last words to you are sewn into your mind
And our last kiss's residue remains on your vacant lips
I'm sorry that I had to go, I never intended
For you to hurt this bad
Your diamond eyes and warming smile are the last things I saw
Before a blur of confusion took advantage of my fragile state
A formal goodbye was too hard
And I was a selfish *******
I'll shine the sun onto your deserving soul for as long as I remain alone up here
I can do so much more here than I ever could there
Know this-
You were the love of my short-lived life
But I need you to move on
Find a girl with roses blooming on her chest
And tulips sprouting in her irises
My grave will deteriorate
But you will not
Let me go
-anonymous
Feb 19, 2014
Feb 19, 2014 at 11:29 PM UTC
Hell was kinder to me than you were
At least Hell's benevolence alleviated the pain you put me through
Because you were much harsher and cold
You had a knack for being a heartbreaker
And my 20/20 vision deceived me
I fell under the impression of reciprocation
And was dreadfully awakened by the reality of the one way road you never seemed to drive down
Hell pulled me under a vicious cycle of agony, but nothing He did could ever
Amount to the detriment you caused me
And how months later, when I longer am marked on your life's attendance sheet-
You still break my weakest points
At some point you were my whole moon
When you left to pursue your ex yet again
I felt nothing but a crescent in the universe if that
Please don't act like I am the one in red
When you are the one with your hands doused in blood
I may only commend you for sending me to Hell
Because now I can withstand anything
And your words will no longer sting like salt
In my open wounds
Feb 15, 2014
Feb 15, 2014 at 10:08 AM UTC
The river told tales in an indecipherable tongue
Consisting of broken sticks and faulty logs
The ability to perceive and interpret hides in the ominous jungles outlining the river
Clangorous sounds fill the night with despondency
Though the current drags on
Keeping it's promise
A dense heat swells over the atmosphere as you struggle to find a clear breath
And the key to happiness?
It wasn't discovered underneath the doormat nor was it found at the depths of the river
It flows consistently to the beat of your heart
Encompassing every thought you ever wished to withhold
But a secret lingers in the undulations of the current-
Dragging and taunting, the fear of the unknown
Shelter and boats are out of sight and mind
But the struggle to hold on is never as arduous as it is now
Branch by branch the crackling disrupts the birds rest
And the fish swim along knowingly accepting the ambiguity of life's greatest question
Frustration piles with the rocks in the sand nearby
Alluding Him to believe you're unworthy of whatever the river carries
But it takes time to learn a language
And it takes time to forget one
For so long you've spoken through negative imagery like the
Sullen stars begging for love
And the morose journey to the fatal waterfall
How can one possibly switch to the language of the river!
Soft and slow, serene and tranquil
Yet as loud and bursting with vivacity as ever
Kaleidoscope visions summoned it here, through the power of hope
The kind of substance that lifts the heavy burdens away from aching shoulders
The river never laughs nor does it cry
Respect is mutual and the blossoming flowers agree
That an indifferent tone is all that's needed to put faith inside a belief
The incoherent sentence fragments the current whispers regarding the key to happiness
Can only be interpreted through an individual's own mind
Energetic yellow suns consume the vacant blackness of the night sky
Optic white clouds devour the essence of cobalt blue skies in the frigid environment
Indifference and a sense of direction is all it takes
To decipher the rivers message-
And it always keeps it's promises
Feb 4, 2014
Feb 4, 2014 at 6:39 PM UTC
Risen sensibility when it came to living life
Wiry tendencies to fall before a savior appears in the split second of your head coinciding with the concrete to catch you
You live too fast, you cannot die
A case of immortality floating through the blue and black veins pumping blood to your weary heart
Turbulent tremors beat the pallor right out of your personality
Trying to turn back time and see who's fault lies within the deficiencies of your relationship
Could it have been the haughty reactions to every novel he wept at?
Though inside he was deeply troubled by death and it's casualties in his life?
Could it have been the musk that owned his scent, one you used to crave but now repulsed?
Pine needles spiked within your perfume drove him off the cliff
And mood-congruent memory proves it's theories
You are gravely broken inside your chest
All you feel is anger for the boy that clipped the wings off of the butterflies that carried you
And replaced them with ****** tears sewn together with cheating and dishonesty
Irritable noises clamor inside your ears
Reverberating throughout your whole body
Shaking, like an earthquake, involuntary
Clangorous echoing of negativity is constant
Unshakable, ineffable, suffocating
Your disheartened recollections resonating with your adverse quality of letting go
Could it be, a silly girl like you fell for a manic depressive like him?
Or did the silly boy fall for the manic depressive girl?
Mood-congruent memory, flowing back in streams of discontent and remorse
Ambiguous reasonings and faulty evidence collide with your incoming tears
He was not, the problem
(You were)
Jan 28, 2014
Jan 28, 2014 at 12:24 AM UTC