And I will run until
I find my peace
Mar 25, 2016
Mar 25, 2016 at 1:09 AM UTC
Love isn't real,
and I'm not trying to
be poetic
and compare it to
the "love" I
supposedly felt for
you.
Love is made up,
an idea.
There is no
fully
loving someone.
I am saying this
to remind myself.
Love is not real.
It's not poetic.
It's not sad.
It's not real.
You must understand
to love,
right?
You must know
to love,
right?
Understanding
and
knowing someone
fully
is not possible.
Love is not real.
Just a reminder.
Feb 4, 2016
Feb 4, 2016 at 11:43 PM UTC
stop crying.
dont eat.
forget about it.
stop ******* crying.
you dont need food.
hes never going to like you.
stop crying.
she hates you.
stop crying
stop thinking about food.
dont bathe.
stop crying.
dont get up.
no school work.
he's better than you.
stop crying.
she takes pity on you.
stop.
crying.
Feb 1, 2016
Feb 1, 2016 at 7:55 PM UTC
Always boasting my emotions
On how I'm so ******* broken
Think I'm joking
When I'm talking
About blowing my head open
Till the moment you walk in
And find my body motionless
Wrists slit
Jan 30, 2016
Jan 30, 2016 at 11:03 PM UTC
Your smell stained my pillow again.
Your snores rang in my ears.
My head was buried in your chest.
And I've never felt so at peace in my life.
Jan 3, 2016
Jan 3, 2016 at 8:27 PM UTC
It's 8:00pm
and Carlos picks me up.
Full bottles of ***** litering his
floorboards.
Hartwell in the passenger seat,
I sit behind him.
Leila in the middle
and Will on the far left.
Will is already drunk
It's 9:00pm
and I walk into Dylan's house.
Loud music blaring from his speakers.
My bag on the ground,
the ***** and beer on the table.
I mix the drinks because Leila doesn't know how.
It's 10:00pm
and every one is here.
Will and I sit together.
He is so drunk, and I am named the babysitter.
I make small talk while sipping the horrible jungle juice Leila ****** up.
My jungle juice was better.
I hand Robbie a 10.
He buys more Mountain Dew to mix more.
It's 11:00pm
and I get a call from Joseph.
"Is it weird if I stop by?"
I utter no and ask Mr. Ed for the address.
I run inside to tell Leila.
She hands me a shot of fireball.
I threw it back like a pro.
Luke hands me the jungle juice.
I chug.
It's 11:15pm
and Joseph calls
"I'm outside."
I walk by Will to act normal.
"I want ******* hookers and blow."
He's ****** up.
He looks up behind me,
and I turn around.
Joseph towers over me,
and without thinking I throw my hands around him.
I'm choking back tears.
It's 11:30pm
and I drunkenly drag Joseph outside.
He knows I want to talk.
No words,
only tears.
I cry into his arms for what seems like forever.
He promises to never leave me again.
It's 11:50
and Dylan yells for every one to go outside.
The countdown begins.
It's 11:59
and we wait.
5..
4..
3..
2..
1..
"HAPPY NEW YEAR."
Carlos is the first to hug me.
Will passes out on a car.
It's 12:03am
and I try to wake Will up.
He finally comes to it.
He somewhat runs inside for more alcohol.
I hastily follow.
It's 12:10am
and Carlos is pouring shots of ***** for the 3
of us.
We drink.
Carlos runs to the sink.
I get him water.
Every one comes back inside.
It's 12:15am
and Carlos hands me champagne
which he refused to give to anyone else.
I drink.
It's 12:30am
and Joseph has to leave.
I beg him not to.
He says he'll see me Saturday.
It's past 1:00am
and Will is in sick in the bathroom.
I take care of him.
Leila comes in
and makes herself puke because she drank too much.
Will cries because he doesn't like seeing his sister like that.
I hold him.
It's past 2:00am
and Carlos is the first one out.
We find spots to sleep.
I'm sandwiched between a snoring Carlos
and a different Joseph on the sofa.
Will is at the bottom.
Hartwell sleeps on the floor.
It's past 3:00am
and every one is alseep.
I lie awake thinking how good it is
to start 2016 this way.
Jan 3, 2016
Jan 3, 2016 at 12:42 AM UTC