How does it feel to be disliked by your whole village
But loved by a world you never got to know
Arles never once treated you with the same beauty as you saw in it
Concern for your wellbeing never came from the people you passed
Not even after they learned that you had taken your last breath
Your memory contained nothing but whispered rumors
They painted the picture of the madman who kept no company
Disregarding the compassion that flowed out of you
Only some knew the truth and what events molded
The trauma that shaped the man who frequented empty fields
Auvers-sur-Oise knew you as a separate man entirely
They stole pieces of you that you did not even have of yourself
Made you their crown jewel, nothing more than a story to keep the town alive
No part of your legacy remained untouched, just as no relationship you’d held stayed pure
Your own doctor claimed your art and in turn your reputation for himself
But how were you to have stopped them
Especially when you were not around to plead for anything different
How does it feel to be disliked by your whole village
But loved by a world you never got to know
Feb 15, 2019
Feb 15, 2019 at 11:29 AM UTC
Is there somebody who can watch you?
I know that this is my job
But recently i can barely manage to take care of myself
I can't be in this house anymore
So i’ll only stop by to do my laundry
I know i'm supposed to love you
And when i'm around you know i’ve got you
Is there somebody who can love you?
Jan 2, 2019
Jan 2, 2019 at 11:35 PM UTC
Feed me another lie
It's all you ever tell me anyways
Convince me to stay
It's all you know how to do anyways
Put the blame on me
It's the only thing you do anyway
But baby
When they take me away
Make sure to tell me how cool i look
Because everything else has gone wrong
Jan 2, 2019
Jan 2, 2019 at 11:34 PM UTC
It never mattered how many secrets i uncovered from you
My view of you never changed
Even in a room full of useless teenagers
Too busy laughing among themselves to realize the tv has turned off
or
Under starry skies when you and me shared the secrets of the universe
You’re the only one who could figure my heart out
How was i to know that your concern wasn’t on the romantics?
How was i to know you live more in your head than here?
Jan 2, 2019
Jan 2, 2019 at 11:33 PM UTC
In your mind there must be a line between what we do
And what counts as cheating
Your mind circles around this
While mine fantasizes about the idea of holding your hand
No matter how close we get
It stops before it fills your definition
But love i think we’ve already done all the wrong we can
Why not go further
She’s got a boyfriend anyways
Jan 2, 2019
Jan 2, 2019 at 11:32 PM UTC
Hidden in street corners
Dark alleys
Backseats of cars
It’s a shame your parents don’t know what you get up to
You make me smell like chocolate
Which is a flavor i’ve never really admired
And even mixed in with your smoke rings
I still feel the desire to quit
You or it
I don't really care at this point
Jan 2, 2019
Jan 2, 2019 at 11:32 PM UTC
Your favorite color is green
This has nothing to do with the color of the grass
Or the color of your favorite socks
Instead it wraps itself around your inability to be happy until you’ve spent your money on fake company
Planting seeds in your brain of all the ways your life could be better with
New clothes
New girls
New drinks
Manipulated so heavily that you cannot even consider pulling yourself out of this loop
You’re too focused on all the other things you could get up to
Jan 2, 2019
Jan 2, 2019 at 11:31 PM UTC
Trust me babe
You can hate me
And it’ll be okay
Because *********
At least you never stopped loving me
Jan 2, 2019
Jan 2, 2019 at 11:30 PM UTC
My brain has its own form of colorblindness
Refusing to see anything other than monochromatic shades of black or white
You're either something that i cannot possibly be around another minute
Or i don't want you to leave
It can go from content
To barely controlled anger
In a matter of seconds
But what's worse
Splitting or depersonalizing
How am i supposed to know when i mix them as often as others mix their drinks?
How can my own thought process be just as flawed as my vision?
How am i supposed to tell whether you hate me or not?
How do i think in anything other than extremes?
Jan 2, 2019
Jan 2, 2019 at 11:29 PM UTC
Count
Count the seconds you hold your breath when her name is mentioned
Count the seconds between i love you and i want to leave
Count the seconds from when the tub filled up to when your brain began to go fuzzy
Count the seconds until you forget what number even comes after one
Count the seconds until they shift into hours or days or years of wasted time
Count the seconds until you run out of time left to count
Count
Because it's the only thing you have left anymore
Jan 2, 2019
Jan 2, 2019 at 11:28 PM UTC