But every night I fall into
Sleepstained dreaming
And with every hour
Another layer falls off of me
One made of strength
One of resistance
I am undressed as the sun chases the moon back
Into another illuminated day
One made of fear
One of identity
I don't know whether losing them
Feels lighter or more heavy
The truth presses on me now
And it's impossible to ignore
One made of hope
One of idealism
I am naked
My cold skin is unprotected
If there is sun, I can see
When it rains, I weep
But I find every morning
That if there is silence
And my layers aren't there to mask
I am darkness
Pure darkness
Waiting for dawn to come
Aug 19, 2016
Aug 19, 2016 at 6:50 AM UTC
I loved you so much harder than I did myself
The same way I love everyone
Because when I saw you
The details didn't catch my eye
Your selfishness and your apathy
I saw your soul
And I focused on it until there was nothing else left of you
The same way I always do
At the end of every day
I wash of everyone I have loved
I rinse their souls out of me
And I stand in front of the mirror
Naked
Searching for mine
Aug 12, 2016
Aug 12, 2016 at 11:18 AM UTC
I can't promise you much
Not that I will give you what you need
Or what you want even
Not that I will be able to keep myself together
That I won't break down completely
And hurt you in the process
I can't promise you I'll be here for always
Not even for next year
I can't promise you I will take care of you the way you did of me
Or that I'll be brave like you were
Instead of running away frightened
I wish I could
But I cannot
All I can promise you
Is I will try to return all the love you give me
Return it multiplied and warmed up
I will try and face my fears
Even the deepest, darkest ones
And I will do everything I can to make this work
Because never in my life
Have I believed in love more than I do
Now that I love you
And I hope that's enough
Aug 8, 2016
Aug 8, 2016 at 7:30 PM UTC
In this very moment, just like in all others, the whole world is falling apart while being built up all over again. We are all, during every second of our lives, dying while being born anew at the exact same time.
I had heard this, maybe even understood this before. But I had never quite felt it yet, until the moment I was letting him go, while falling in love with him again in the very same instant.
Our love died and blossomed, our pain stung while being resolved, and the connection of our souls was captured in time, so that it is now equally unexistent as everlasting.
Jul 30, 2016
Jul 30, 2016 at 7:26 AM UTC
I have loved you
a million times before
I have chased you over
snow-dipped mountain peeks
into filthy alleys
and I have loved you
as hard and as fast as I could
I tried forgetting you
just as much as I tried
to remember
as it's all but the same
I have, I swear I've loved you
from your intoxicating lightness
to your deepest fears
I loved every inch of you
and then you ran away
Jul 10, 2016
Jul 10, 2016 at 1:01 PM UTC
I was under his influence for ten days
He told me about trails he was about to walk
And how he never found love in those small-town streets
I dodged his kisses as he played the strings of my skin
Our last night, we barely even moved
We spoke of life's beauty, in all its complexity
As we watched the storm coming in
That next morning we pretended not to say our last goodbyes
And then the room flooded
I have been wearing him ever since
Right behind my deepest memories and my darkest guilt
He hits me with the sharpest sweetness about ten times a day
And I just stare at this new scar, in all its complexity
As I wait for the storm to pass
Jul 10, 2016
Jul 10, 2016 at 12:57 PM UTC
I thought of love all this time as something
I had to find
So I spent my life searching
Just to watch it leave
And then him
He didn't just love me
He remindend me
I was never anything but love
Jun 1, 2016
Jun 1, 2016 at 11:50 AM UTC
It's not the distance, it's the darkness. Dark days have always been there, for as long as I remember. And I've been trying to stop calling them a flaw, or part of some disorder, or the consequence of past trauma. I am trying to accept them as part of what makes me whole. Use them to develop the light days. To feel those harder and with a more open heart. I don't want to spend my life waiting to feel less. It's hurtfull to think my emotions are connected to the years I have lived. What if I prefer to never become numb? I just need to find the ones that will not be scared to drown in my depths. The ones that will not try to fix me, but stare in awe at my wholeness. That do not try to shine light on the dark days, nor close the windows when it's bright. I need to find a love, so unconditional, that it'd rather I dissolve into my own darkness than loose myself trying to fix it. I need to find it within myself, within my depths, or turn to dust while searching.
Feb 26, 2016
Feb 26, 2016 at 4:52 PM UTC
You are not broken
He said
*You are whole
And you are amazing*
And right there, I believed him
I could see a glimpse of myself through his eyes
Powerful and soft all at once
*You are not afraid to live
You are not afraid to féél*
And he was right
For once I had been scared
But right there I existed out of nothing but
What I felt for this man
Feb 20, 2016
Feb 20, 2016 at 6:44 PM UTC
Good morning lover,
I am still watching the stars
While yours are long hidden behind the hectic of your world
And I just wanted to explain to you something
Before I close my eyes
You see, I want you to know
That anger is always rooted by powerlessness
And pain will always come from love
How with you so far away
All my senses lost their mind
And I feel only from my longing for you
There is nothing else
Nothing more
But the space you are not occupying
Feb 19, 2016
Feb 19, 2016 at 10:25 PM UTC