simulationswarm - Hello Poetry

My dad’s been taking pills I’m not sure how to feel About the strange itch At the back of my Throat The horrid ***** In the corner of my Eyes The dull ache In my rising Chest His arms around me His love surrounds me Like the cold water brushing against my Neck Amidst the blue abyss Of nothingness The sunlight burns the back of Eyelids Still, they refuse to open I am nearly asleep His are facing the black sand Look at me I’m everything you’ve never wanted I’m everything you’ve wanted to be

0

Mar 11, 2025

Mar 11, 2025 at 3:20 AM UTC

beach day

My dad’s been taking pills I’m not sure how to feel About the strange itch At the back of my Throat The horrid ***** In the corner of my Eyes The dull ache In my rising Chest His arms around me His love surrounds me Like the cold water brushing against my Neck Amidst the blue abyss Of nothingness The sunlight burns the back of Eyelids Still, they refuse to open I am nearly asleep His are facing the black sand Look at me I’m everything you’ve never wanted I’m everything you’ve wanted to be

25

I hate you You were draped over my couch In my house Watching my TV It’s so easy for you to own everything But act above it all For when it comes down to it You won’t be the one to fall You take my advice You occupy my life You demand the qualities of a wife You can never do wrong in their eyes You ask and ask You push and push You treat me fondly if theres a means to an end You never cared for my needs And when I watch my life reach it’s bend And the trail curves and I’m stumbling Stumbling into something richer Something finer than this old asphalt You will still be there In my house Watching my TV Owning everything Except that will mean nothing And you will mean nothing You will have nothing except your painful mediocrity The only living thing to watch you breathe The only thing you never seemed to see The only thing that cares if you rise from sleep The only thing different from your family Is me I won’t be there, though I’ll try not to, at least I don’t want to watch you seethe as you take what you need I just wanted to be there for you I just wanted to be like your family I’ll see myself out now But not before I take one thing you own Not before I can say one thing I hate you.

0

Sep 18, 2024

Sep 18, 2024 at 3:20 AM UTC

hate

I hate you You were draped over my couch In my house Watching my TV It’s so easy for you to own everything But act above it all For when it comes down to it You won’t be the one to fall You take my advice You occupy my life You demand the qualities of a wife You can never do wrong in their eyes You ask and ask You push and push You treat me fondly if theres a means to an end You never cared for my needs And when I watch my life reach it’s bend And the trail curves and I’m stumbling Stumbling into something richer Something finer than this old asphalt You will still be there In my house Watching my TV Owning everything Except that will mean nothing And you will mean nothing You will have nothing except your painful mediocrity The only living thing to watch you breathe The only thing you never seemed to see The only thing that cares if you rise from sleep The only thing different from your family Is me I won’t be there, though I’ll try not to, at least I don’t want to watch you seethe as you take what you need I just wanted to be there for you I just wanted to be like your family I’ll see myself out now But not before I take one thing you own Not before I can say one thing I hate you.

41

Servitude Silence Surrender Simply the life I endure And the legacy I render I want more I hunger I yearn I crave My efforts are futile My want is in vain His face in front of mine Disguises the pain We all start out small and hopeful Then grow tall and resentful You end small and resentful Your thoughts consumed by anyone but yourself

0

Sep 18, 2024

Sep 18, 2024 at 3:08 AM UTC

to be a woman

Servitude Silence Surrender Simply the life I endure And the legacy I render I want more I hunger I yearn I crave My efforts are futile My want is in vain His face in front of mine Disguises the pain We all start out small and hopeful Then grow tall and resentful You end small and resentful Your thoughts consumed by anyone but yourself

17

I have a purpose I am something I am supposed to be here What will happen when my purpose disappears? What will happen when I’m no longer ripe? What will become of me when I’m discarded in the dirt? Once a blossom Now I’m nothing more Nothing more than the hole my purpose once filled Nothing more than what made me feel real What once made me feel real is now providing tangibility to another A girl I never was A girl you write sonnets about A girl you would wage war for A girl that is so effortlessly magic A girl that you would wait for, no matter how many years passed A girl that makes you feel real Why can’t I be her? Why don’t I make you feel real? What is my purpose if not to heal? What is my purpose? For a brief second, I become real I become seen The person across is looking at me That second is gone What will happen when my purpose disappears? How could I win if there’s nothing within? How could I win when I’m undeserving? How could I win when I indulge my sins? How could I win if there’s no purpose I’m serving? I had a purpose I was something

0

Sep 18, 2024

Sep 18, 2024 at 3:05 AM UTC

purpose.

I have a purpose I am something I am supposed to be here What will happen when my purpose disappears? What will happen when I’m no longer ripe? What will become of me when I’m discarded in the dirt? Once a blossom Now I’m nothing more Nothing more than the hole my purpose once filled Nothing more than what made me feel real What once made me feel real is now providing tangibility to another A girl I never was A girl you write sonnets about A girl you would wage war for A girl that is so effortlessly magic A girl that you would wait for, no matter how many years passed A girl that makes you feel real Why can’t I be her? Why don’t I make you feel real? What is my purpose if not to heal? What is my purpose? For a brief second, I become real I become seen The person across is looking at me That second is gone What will happen when my purpose disappears? How could I win if there’s nothing within? How could I win when I’m undeserving? How could I win when I indulge my sins? How could I win if there’s no purpose I’m serving? I had a purpose I was something

32

It feels as if I can’t escape from their gaze I’ve been hazed into womanhood It wasn’t a phase When I was just a girl my ingenue was used Treated like something that should be abused And when I served my purpose to amuse I would be blown out like a fuse When I was just a girl I learned how to choose The choice to behave or die The choice to live in fear or lie The choice didn’t come simply And neither did I And when I was older I hungered I starved I wished and wished for something far greater than myself to take charge But no one was coming to save me No one but, I So I made the choice The choice to lie And there I lied As the gaze crept up on me And grabbed me all over And in my head, I whispered “Soon, it will be over.” And when I served my purpose to amuse I found myself quite confused I was no longer the girl I once knew

0

Sep 17, 2024

Sep 17, 2024 at 8:52 PM UTC

their gaze

It feels as if I can’t escape from their gaze I’ve been hazed into womanhood It wasn’t a phase When I was just a girl my ingenue was used Treated like something that should be abused And when I served my purpose to amuse I would be blown out like a fuse When I was just a girl I learned how to choose The choice to behave or die The choice to live in fear or lie The choice didn’t come simply And neither did I And when I was older I hungered I starved I wished and wished for something far greater than myself to take charge But no one was coming to save me No one but, I So I made the choice The choice to lie And there I lied As the gaze crept up on me And grabbed me all over And in my head, I whispered “Soon, it will be over.” And when I served my purpose to amuse I found myself quite confused I was no longer the girl I once knew

26

Sometimes I embody him Mirror his malicious mannerisms Deliver venom via pantomime Sometimes his shadow looms over me Sending threats my way Even when he isn’t there My conscious knows what to say

0

Sep 17, 2024

Sep 17, 2024 at 8:51 PM UTC

ode to the patriarch

Sometimes I embody him Mirror his malicious mannerisms Deliver venom via pantomime Sometimes his shadow looms over me Sending threats my way Even when he isn’t there My conscious knows what to say

7

As the liquor passed down my throat And my face remained stagnant I felt a sense of warmth in my chest It wasn’t just the drink It was a sense of pride Maybe I was good at something. I was really good at not letting go I clung on and on All I wanted was to be with you I knew it was selfish I also knew it was truth You were all that mattered And if something mattered then I mattered If something stayed then I would stay If you thought I was good Maybe I was good at something.

0

Sep 17, 2024

Sep 17, 2024 at 8:49 PM UTC

familial alcoholism

As the liquor passed down my throat And my face remained stagnant I felt a sense of warmth in my chest It wasn’t just the drink It was a sense of pride Maybe I was good at something. I was really good at not letting go I clung on and on All I wanted was to be with you I knew it was selfish I also knew it was truth You were all that mattered And if something mattered then I mattered If something stayed then I would stay If you thought I was good Maybe I was good at something.

16