who will take me to rome?
because i'm not sure i can make it on my own
but who said
well who knows
an ugly girl
in a beautiful city
is more common than you think
but maybe if i get
the lighting just right
i can fake pretty
for the fake post
for the fake people
maybe rome isn't for me though
i never liked when in rome
take me to ireland
let me soak in the culture
i'll flit away as the fæ
and never return
Feb 15, 2020
Feb 15, 2020 at 11:05 PM UTC
I reached as far as I could
but I was left painted in shadow.
There was nothing left
for me to gather.
Taken away as quickly
as it was given.
Nothing lasts forever
but this barely existed.
If you love it
let it go
but I can’t bear to part with it.
It’s all the proof I have left.
My humanity.
My normality.
Emptiness lingers
with the scent of it
but it is unbearable.
The void is unfillable.
Scraping at every surface
and coming up empty.
There is nothing
nothing left.
I am alone
with my thoughts
emotions
and empty
cavernous
mind.
Sep 13, 2018
Sep 13, 2018 at 5:23 PM UTC
no no
sorry
please continue
i can't imagine the unfathomable pain you went through
when your poor fish died today
although every day i get out of bed
hopefully
go to class
hopefully
pay attention
hopefully
make it back to my room unscathed
hopefully
let me start over
depression
anxiety
panic disorder
OCD
all things I deal with every day
my brain doesn't trust me
let alone you
i can't hear you over the sound
of the alarm in my brain
saying there is something out of place
something not right
something that could **** me
clench
breath in
release
breath out
clench
breath in
release
breath out
keep going
they're almost gone
age old techniques
that almost never work
i'll deal though
it's okay
please continue
i just need to leave
very soon
so sorry
i really must go
but i hope you feel better
and maybe we can talk again later
May 29, 2018
May 29, 2018 at 1:16 AM UTC
it hurts not to know
so very much
it feels like one half of you is being pulled up
while the other half is being pulled down
i must decide my destiny
far too early for my liking
but i cannot continue
to endure to pain
to entertain it
to sustain it
it grows like a festering disease
just waiting for the perfect time to attack
for your abundant joy to be broken down
like a toddler knocking down a tower
they spent twenty minutes building
you expect it to happen
but when it does
you will never remember why
sometimes falling apart is the worst part
but other times putting back together is even worse
and the worst part is
every time you rebuild
you know you will fall apart
again
and again
forever
because we are human
and we have a tendency to destroy
i couldn’t help but notice
how destructive i was
until i tore myself apart
May 29, 2018
May 29, 2018 at 12:54 AM UTC
you wake up feeling nauseous
“it’s okay just keep going
the ever-present coffee made
never perfect but always enough
the shakiness sets in
you check your hands every two minutes
just to make sure you aren’t faking it
your hands and feet get cold
you can’t help but wriggle your toes to regain feeling
your heart feels like it’s retracting
as if it wasn’t enough
you feel like there’s a hole in your chest
it’s hard to breathe and you don’t want to function
you could use a coping mechanism
but then people would notice
no, noticing is bad
better not
you want to cry but the tears don’t exist
finally alone in your room
keep eating to fill the hole
fall asleep watching YouTube videos
wake up to suffer again tomorrow
“you’re fine” you tell yourself
this isn’t nearly as bad as then
Mar 11, 2018
Mar 11, 2018 at 6:35 PM UTC
She danced around
the edges of
Life.
Whisking around
every hurt and
trouble.
Not a doubt in her
mind,
for she did not feel
pain.
She glanced at the
others,
not knowing of their
struggles and
trials,
for she had none.
She would never
understand
why.
Until she was
pushed.
Into Life.
Into pain.
Into confusion.
She did not
understand
why,
but she knew what she
felt
was true.
She tried to
glide
away,
but she could never
dance
the same way.
Until death do her
part.
Feb 9, 2018
Feb 9, 2018 at 1:46 PM UTC
We sculpted this nation.
We pulled the burning shreds
from what was left after.
After we discovered what there was.
What there was for us.
Our future.
We sculpted these states,
these laws,
these rights,
this nation.
We sculpt ourselves,
but why?
We sculpted our images,
our egos,
our words,
our hopes,
our dreams.
We sculpted ourselves.
But we have already been sculpted.
We need no additions,
no subtractions,
no edits,
no remodels.
We are we.
Humans
People
Beings.
We are we.
However sculpted we may be,
we are we.
Jan 13, 2018
Jan 13, 2018 at 2:13 PM UTC
There is never a day
I won’t memorize what to say
a thousand times in my head.
I will pray and pray
that I can just lay
alone in the comfort of my bed.
Because when I get out
that’s the part that’s scary.
Every time I walk past a mirror,
every time I will look.
Not because I’m conceited
but because if I stand out,
then I’m not fitting in.
Every time I walk in a room,
I will always have my head down
in case someone who knows me is there
or someone who doesn’t notices me.
There will never be a day
that my hands aren’t shaky,
that my heart is not racing,
that I will go somewhere and not be afraid.
My brain is a nervous wreck
of strings
connected by golden rings
of lies and deceit.
But mostly things
that were said about me
because they never leave.
They interweave.
They want to be
here in my brain
haunting me.
And no one could ever love me
because I’m unlovable,
untouchable,
underneath,
everyone else.
And one plus one does not equal two
and “I love you” is never true
because I’m tearing myself apart.
And it will always be true
that I’m afraid of you,
and I will always guard my heart.
Nov 28, 2017
Nov 28, 2017 at 7:10 PM UTC
I memorized it.
All of it.
It took me a couple years.
Times 300.
Plus about 72.
But I did it.
I memorized you.
You were it.
You are it.
There was no one else.
And it took me some time to realize it,
But you are it.
I dug deeper everyday.
I unfolded,
Discovered,
Founded,
All the better parts of you.
There were too many to count.
But of course I did anyways.
You were mine and I was yours.
And I would never expect you to do the same.
But maybe someday
You'll understand me like I understand you.
Because I didn't just discover the good parts,
I found the bad parts,
The ugly parts,
The ones you hate most.
And it made me all the better.
It made you better too, I think.
You suffered.
You didn't want to tell me everything.
And I waited.
I gave it time.
But you were mine.
And I was yours.
Nov 13, 2017
Nov 13, 2017 at 6:14 PM UTC
We label ourselves
what we think we are
but we live in a world of
broken
mirrors.
I am not who you say I am
but I am not who I say
I am either.
How do we endure this
life
long
question
of who we are?
We don't.
We die wondering
what we were
and never truly know
how beautiful we were because
everything
is more beautiful when it
dies.
It passes and we put on
rose
colored
glasses
and the whole thing was a
happy
accident.
We are cursed with
self-awareness
and hope it is our savior
when it is truly our
devil.
We cannot count on something that
changes as the wind.
Knowledge
is what we
hunger for
but it is also our
downfall,
our poison,
our ******
most
foul.
We can only pray
to whatever higher being there may be
that there is some sort of
purpose
in life.
Something to live for.
Something for our
selfish
minds
and
flesh.
Nov 13, 2017
Nov 13, 2017 at 5:55 PM UTC