You walking beside me was a familiar feeling
Our lives were so small, we walked around the mall
All the cafes and movie theatres
Silently reading, softly kissing
I'd grab you and continue if you shy away
oh those were the days, we'd go all the way
YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING
What did 'everything' mean to a 15 year old?
I don't know, probably ***** and partying
Smoking was a superior behavior
and they worshipped the rich rappers
Got off from the drama and fights based on practically nothing
But I knew everything
Cuz I knew you and you were my everything
Funny thing is I've lived 2 years without everything,
Miraculously fine
Maybe because a broken heart can still beat
Or maybe because everything and I still talk
Today everything was in my bed,
and all I wanted was to know how that book I was reading was gonna end
I thought I was such a reckless kid
How. Did I draw a line so fine?
I think I don't believe in love anymore
Cuz my dad cut me off at 18 for a reason I don't know
But I still believe in everything
If she ever kiss me again,
I may believe in love again and won't un-believe it ever again.
Feb 6, 2022
Feb 6, 2022 at 11:48 PM UTC
It wasn't like in the movie
Time didn't stop
No music played
when you walked into to my life
I wasn't blinking
for a split second can't be missed
I had a hard time deciding
where I sit
when I sit with you
cuz I wanted to watch you eat
and I wanted you beside me at the same time
My sister said "yes, your heart skipped a beat
but it isn't a heart desease,
cuz boy, you are in a much bigger trouble"
And I didn't get what she said
No one told me what's it like being in love
But I sat in the middle of the night,
writing poems about you
I was listening to songs
every single one dedicating to you
and every pretty thing I saw
reminded me of you
I never missed to smell your hair
I would kiss your hand at every chance
Every joke was to make you smile
Now I see you in the smoke I blew outside the window
Years ago, if someone told me about this
I would mock at them,
saying "move on, don't make it big a deal"
Now it is two years later,
my hands on the letters,
pressing one by one as I'm thinking of you
and one by one, the moments reappear
I still feel you all over me, touch by touch
but we've walked away from each other, step by step
I have to admit that tonight I moved one inch back to you
and I think I've been doing this inch by inch
but when I look around,
I'm in the same place as the last time I checked
when I thought I walked away
I might've chuckled dryly at the irony
I was right where I left you,
Right where I left you.
Apr 16, 2021
Apr 16, 2021 at 2:41 AM UTC
Beth, I saw you packing up your clothes
That’s when I realized I had so much to lose
Rumors... this time they were true
It’s such a shame that I had no ******* clue
Jack said “when someone has stopped loving you, there’s nothing you could do to fix that”
I told him “I know my Beth, she’ll come around”
Beth, what did you see in him that I don’t have?
I would take you to the moon if you’d love
You know I hate to beg
But here I’m on my knees, can you please come back?
Beth, I know that I’ve been bad
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to make it up to you, you know that
Beth, the love of my life
Don’t take this away from me
I know I ****** up but please stop packing things up
Beth, please...
I promise to be better
I won’t get angry again for any matter
Beth, my world is small
‘Cause you’re just 5ft tall
Don’t you know it’s the end of the world when you don’t love me anymore.
Jan 2, 2021
Jan 2, 2021 at 3:40 PM UTC
That feeling when you look at something
Just a glimpse of that something fill your heart with a warm sensation
You look at that and you absorb it in your memory
that you almost believe it was yours
But that something never was yours
And you know it never will be
But you don't feel sad about it
You're just happy because
that something exists
You're glad that someone has it
That's when you realize, you can survive life this way.
Dec 23, 2020
Dec 23, 2020 at 5:33 AM UTC
Everything that my mind whispers
It's just a matter of time that I start doing them in reality
Doc said take a deep breath in
Count it one, two, three
One, two, three
I hate having walls around me
Wanna crash them with my fists 'til they break
or 'til i break
One, two, three
Grab my bag and leave here forever
Or grab a knife and end it for ever and never
Everything that my mind whispers
It's just a matter of time that I start doing them in reality
I counted one, two, three and breathed in as the doc said
Everything stopped, I felt my own heartbeat in my throat
But nothing changes, I'm still nothing but a broken promise
That was it, everything started all at once again
It's just in my head but it's a matter of time that I start doing them
My fish jumped out of his tank I watched and cried while he struggled for life
I don't know why I didn't put him back into his tank
But I struggled with him for his life
'til his last jolt as I sobbed
I wonder where he is now, it feels good to think he can be anywhere
In the nothingness, in the afterlife, in heaven
But not hell, that'd be so unfair
He'd been there while he was with me
When life became so tiring, death seems so welcoming
I took a deep breath in
One... two... three...
Everything that my mind whispers
And it was a matter of time...
Dec 22, 2020
Dec 22, 2020 at 11:58 AM UTC
My dear amazing girl,
I know we've been keeping in touch, but I miss you so much
Not your touch but your love
I know
I know there sure must be other sides
But the side you show towards me
It's just full of love that I almost forget
That I could never be that full of love
My life is a mess (I know everyone else's too)
But with you and all your love, I almost thought my void was gone
As if I was completely whole
But who am I to deserve your love?
Messing things up is what I do best
And we were too young to love
The way you still treat me with the same love and respect
I can't help but wonder myself
Inside of you, is there even a single thing as near as hatred?
I know I've been bad, how can you not hate me instead?
Even I hate myself
Even when you had taught me how to love me
I am fire, I burn everything I touch
I have to stop this little moth from diving into me
You have wings that can fly, leave me in ashes as I burn
Don't love the way I lie
You would never be able to smile, with this a-thousand-degree fire of mine.
Nov 23, 2020
Nov 23, 2020 at 10:31 AM UTC
Isn't it selfish that
I wish you were hurting?
Isn't it crazy that
I'm glad that you're okay
at the same time?
Isn't it mind blowing that
you make me feel everything and nothing
at the same time?
Isn't it stupid that
I still think you're the one?
Are these memories miracle
or a life-long curse?
Are you listening to the songs
that bring me back to you?
Cuz I don't feel like I'm mentally here
Sitting in my lonely chair.
Do your days get a little bit longer
and nights get bit a little bit colder?
Do your favorite love songs
still make you feel the same way like they always do,
Or are they ripping your heart out?
Do your distractions and your coping mechanisms
still work like they always do
Or are you feeling like you're self-destructing?
I thought I figured it all out
I thought I found my way out
Now I feel like there never was a way out
I knew it would not be easy
I never knew it would be this hard
If you ever keep a bird
One day he'll tell you
That he wanna get away
That he wanna break free the cage
Not knowing he'll lost his way home
Roaming around missing you
For all eternity.
Nov 13, 2020
Nov 13, 2020 at 9:45 AM UTC
When things go south and you realize there is no one you can count,
sit in the corner and cry your heart out.
Your life is too dark for any of your friends to relate to;
no wonder they never wanted to listen to.
Write things down and listen to songs;
and you'll be cancelling out every sound.
Feeling everything and nothing at once,
this feeling of numbness along with agony,
You're being burnt alive but no one could ever see these mental wounds
It needs more than a thermometer to measure this heat and agitation
The mercury keeps dropping and your heart keeps burning
until the pain reach to a point where
everything and nothing matter anymore, nothing left but ashes and dusts
to a point where nothing left but emptiness
In books, you cried for those helpless
Now, here you are crying for yourself
And when you cry, you don't cry: no tears, no sobs,
not even a sad face
Just with your poker face that nobody could read
"This is just life" you mumbled, sometimes a little out loud
But what did you do wrong except being born?
Nov 7, 2020
Nov 7, 2020 at 5:50 AM UTC
Unnecessary line that I drew
So that I don't feel at risk
But it kills me also
So what should I do?
I'm still at risk
Like a rodent who can never be safe
You go with my flow
But I never have control
This fight has been going on for so long
And I have lost the same battle again
Go put my head on a spike
For I still list the things that you like
But what it's like for you?
What am I in your eyes?
When you smile,
Was I ever the reason why?
For me, you were
And will always be "the why"
So go put my head on a spike
For I never forget you, not even a slight.
Oct 30, 2020
Oct 30, 2020 at 10:13 AM UTC
These days when I look at the sky
It feels like the end of the world
The sky so blue but it’s more like cyan in my eyes
May be I can’t see clearly cuz I cried a lot the night before
So i walked back in and to my couch
I lay there and slept with doubt
Daydreaming and day sleeping
Quite opposite things
But it is the sky who lies
And I’m the one who cries
Then I run
Run for miles, to the blue sky
To the one who would hold me tight when I’m not alright
But I was never alright
And there was no one who’d hold tight
So it was the sky who lied
And I was the one who died...
Oct 28, 2020
Oct 28, 2020 at 9:33 AM UTC