Have you ever been in a gruesome exercise that requires you to focus but then you start to think about her and you literally forget to breathe because just by thinking of her she stole your breath away?
Have you ever been in a situation whereby all you want to do is draw a canvas of her uniqueness with words but the moment you begin to write about her its blank? Its like she is worth more than what I can write about her, she's perfect,beautiful, smart, unique, funny and I can't seem to put it down because words aren't enough.
Have you ever been surrounded by thousands of people but without her you seem to be alone and lonely.
Have you been in a situation whereby the world has turned against you and all you want to do is cry but when you think about her all you do is reminisce your moments and all the pain fades?
Well that's where I am right now.
She's countries away from me but each day when I receive a text from her my heart begins to race, my palms become sweaty and I'm immediately nervous because each day all I want to do is impress her,make her smile and laugh because she's worth it.
You know I'm afraid of going to sleep because then I won't be able to talk to her but yet i'm excited because I get to meet her in my dreams.
I'm afraid of waking up because I have to leave her in my dreams but I look forward to the day because I get to spend it all on talking to her.
She makes me happy and honestly its been a long time coming feeling like this.
Jan 28, 2015
Jan 28, 2015 at 1:53 PM UTC
Please no more insults,
No more judging. You don't know my story so please stop trying to break me, I'm already broken enough and still being broken by myself.
Please no more, I'm already broken enough.
I'm tired of crying, I'm just tired.
Please no more.
Jan 20, 2015
Jan 20, 2015 at 11:56 AM UTC
I'm sorry, I let you down once again. I've failed myself and my mum, God knows how much I want to make her smile for all she's done for me but I'm sorry.
I've stained your heart and and mind. I've corrupted you and gave you various issues.
Depression, Anxiety and Panic attacks, OCD and ADHD. I'm sorry.
I hope to see you smile one day, I'll fix myself and I'll make you laugh but for now I'm breaking you, I don't know what to break since everything is broken but I'm breaking the broken because I don't know how to pick us up...
I'm sorry for the new tears,
The messed up fears and nightmares.
I just don't know what to do.
I'm sorry I failed you and mum, I swear she needs more of our smile than we do so while you're breaking fake a smile for her, I've disappointed way too much.
I'm sorry.
From: Rea, A pessimistic messed up part of you.
Jan 20, 2015
Jan 20, 2015 at 6:41 AM UTC
It's the simplest of words that mean a lot. But then simplicity is apart of complexity, So If I'm complex then maybe my apology would mean more.
I'm sorry.
I've been walking around for about two hours looking for a sign, something but all I found was pain, guilt and well me being ashamed of myself.
I'm sorry,
I messed up and I'm sorry.
If all the words in the world could describe who I am then I would gladly take them because right now I feel like, a ***** a ***** a hoe,and mostly I feel like ****
I'm a **** up, a hypocrite I am the worst of myself and I'm sorry.
I never meant to hurt you, all I wanted to do was make you smile.
Make you see the best side of this world but I ****** up... So I guess I'm just like them a pretentious **** up...
I'm really sorry. I pray to God that things will be okay.
I'm sorry.
I only want you happy, I swear to God that's all I want, even if it means my happiness at stake then for you anything.
Jan 16, 2015
Jan 16, 2015 at 5:38 AM UTC
We come from two different worlds yet we're close.
We're like parallel lines.
We are equidistant from one another and we'll never meet, but for some reason we're headed in the same direction.
Why can't we be perpendicular lines?
Why can't we meet and create a 90 degree angle?
Is it fates way of saying we can never meet?
The mathematical theory can always be related with the psychological one when it comes to relationships or our own issues with ourselves.
We can never be because we're not meant to meet.
We're headed in the same direction but the space in between is two negative magnets keeping us at a distance, hence we fight to be close only to be pushing ourselves further away but always equidistant one another till we eventually agree.
We are parallel lines.
However what we refused to wait on is the second Mathematical theory on Parallel and Perpendicular line.
We can somewhat change a parallel line to a perpendicular one just by rotating a line 90 degrees. This in a psychological manner means that no matter how pessimistic a relationship feels, how depressed we are, how alone we feel, with one change we can create a 90 degree angle of happiness.
Jan 9, 2015
Jan 9, 2015 at 7:41 AM UTC
"Forever?"
No, not forever,
"Why not?"
I'm a player right? I've made way too many forever promises and look at me now.
"Why?"
'Mum and Dad promised me forever, My bestfriend promised me forever, my first Love promised me forever but they stepped on the words as if they don't exists, They ****** with my heart and literally laughed in my face.I'm too disturbed for forever or commitment, I'm just playing the game, No Love no nothing just some sweet talk, Psychological games and I **** you' He thought to himself.
'Eh I don't know pretty lady you seem different'. He smiles.
'I'm lying to you, I'm just bored of using the same ol lines' he thinks to himself.
"So we'll last" She said with so much hope in her eyes.
'Yea you changed me, I want to be with you only'. He smiles.
Another lie bites the dust.
Jan 7, 2015
Jan 7, 2015 at 1:56 AM UTC
We're not meant to hate. I'm sorry but its true, no matter how much we say we hate someone deep down we know we're lying to ourselves.
You know how Love is the best feeling in the world. Don't you think hate is the alternative to when you're broken or something? Because with Love comes butterflies in our tummies, smiles in our faces, happiness and well thoughts of those you love. So with hate comes furry in our tummies, anger in our hearts, pain and memories of those who hurt us.
So does this mean we hate to remember those we love?
Because we don't really want to forget them?
Eh I think the heat is getting to me over here.
Jan 6, 2015
Jan 6, 2015 at 5:54 AM UTC
"Do you miss me?"
Yea I do.
"Really? What about?"
Everything. I even miss parts of me that left when you did. I miss my smile, I only gave it to you. Its gone now. But I miss everything.My heart aches but Its content. My thoughts on you are bittersweet, my feelings for is basically an oxymoron.
"I miss you too, I'm sorry for hurting you, I didn't mean to commit suicide okay scratch that I didn't mean to do it in your face. I Love you okay?"
Okay. Night Emily, Rest in peace buddy. Tom misses you, he's messy but I'm with him, we'll survive, God's with us, as we say In Setswana Ke a go rata, A modimo a nne le wena.
Jan 4, 2015
Jan 4, 2015 at 5:02 PM UTC
Got a pen and paper and all I want to do is write.
Block everything from me and just write but I can't.
Guilt overwhelms me as I try to ink the paper, mark it as mine but I can't.
I never meant to abandon you I swear I didn't.
He told me I wasn't serious enough about you, that I didn't deserve you.
He didn't see how much you meant to me... Since I was small I pictured you as my future. We were meant to be inseparable.
We were supposed to be infinite.
But he said I didn't deserve you and I believed him.
But I can't help but itch to run back to you each time I have a pen and paper.
But his words echoed in my heart.
I left you, and I'm sorry, I miss you. I'm not using poetry as an alternative.
Its just he can't judge here and take it away from me.
I miss you. I miss drawing. You were my life, you still are, I just draw you with words now.
He said I wasn't good enough, that it was an unrequited love, I believed him. I'm sorry.
Jan 4, 2015
Jan 4, 2015 at 4:30 AM UTC
Someone once said standing under the rain it feels as if someone is washing your problems away.
Each tiny droplet cascading down your way holding tight to your body wiping each tears away.
Then why don't I feel that?
Each droplet brings me down making everything around me heavy.
Tears are added making me feel as if I've got a whole more to carry.
Each drop is like a tap on the shoulder only to turn to realise I'm alone.
The thunderstorm to worsen to bring about the feeling of loneliness.
The golden lighting to entice fear.
And the worse part is after everything else I'm probably going to get flu.
Leaving me to wallow on my own with no way of running away.
Jan 4, 2015
Jan 4, 2015 at 12:37 AM UTC