_some days are worse than others. the tide pulls me under most times._
_no buoy or life jacket to keep me afloat._
_it's more like an anchor dragging me down into the depths._
_some days I can hardly even breathe. my chest hurts from the moment I wake up to the moment I try to sleep._
_but I'm just sleepwalking on an ocean of happiness I can never swim in._
_i look in the mirror and the smile I see is not the one you gave me so long ago._
_its just a ghost of a memory I can never get back._
_i'm getting better at tricking the darkness into letting it's grip off of my heart._
_i'm getting better at keeping my head above water._
_i'm getting better at pretending it's all alright even though I'm constantly breaking inside._
_i don't know how much more I can break._
_i sure do miss you being here._
_you were my life jacket that kept me safe from the most devastating hurricanes._
_i don't know what I did to make it all go away._
_please come home._
Nov 18, 2020
Nov 18, 2020 at 4:49 PM UTC
_your hoodie hangs in my closet quietly_
_it mocks me over and over again reminding me that you're not here_
_i can barely even touch it, let alone look at it_
_i want to feel your comforting embrace wrapped around my frail and broken shell of a body_
_but you left me here; a shipwreck left to rot_
_i can't bear to even feel the ghost of your embrace_
_if I wrap that hoodie around my shipwrecked frame, I will start crying_
_and by that I mean my tears will create a storm so devastating it ends the world_
_yet you never come back_
_if you loved me, why'd you leave me?_
Nov 18, 2020
Nov 18, 2020 at 4:47 PM UTC
_i've been jumping in front of trains lately_
_asking myself if it's really worth the risk_
_the way a skydiver looks at the ground miles away and wonders if today is the day it doesn't work out_
_while you're halfway across the country by now, leaving this all behind_
_i've been jumping in front of trains lately_
_wondering what the hell it will take for you to see the pain you left inside me_
_if I could just find the right thing to prove to you that I'm dying_
_maybe then you'd come back home_
Nov 18, 2020
Nov 18, 2020 at 4:45 PM UTC
_i'm becoming more reckless as the days go on_
_jumping off buildings and jumping in front of cars_
_not to die but to almost die_
_maybe then you'd come back home_
_maybe then you'd see just how much pain you caused me_
_but even if you did come home, at this point I'm not sure I would be able to forgive you anymore_
Nov 18, 2020
Nov 18, 2020 at 4:42 PM UTC
_the further you go away, the less I can breathe_
_who has this agonizing grip on my heart?_
_and where can I speak to them, to ask them to let off?_
_i haven't felt pain this demanding until now_
Nov 14, 2020
Nov 14, 2020 at 7:59 PM UTC
_i'm trying to convince myself_
_that maybe if I cry enough tears to create a whole new ocean_
_then maybe you'd see how much you broke me when you left_
_and then maybe you'd come back home_
Nov 14, 2020
Nov 14, 2020 at 7:53 PM UTC
_today felt like I was a zombie walking through a ghost town_
_..broken..dreary..numb.._
_interally and externally_
_i'm officially not okay anymore_
Nov 14, 2020
Nov 14, 2020 at 7:50 PM UTC