sometimes i check on you
to see if you're still where i left you
where i met you
in the past
in the last bits of my adolescence and memories
in the renderings of broken dreams
and silly nightmares
when things aren't what they seem
and sometimes i think you meet me there too
...to see if im still broken
or lost without you
to see if i had mispoken
when i spoke of being through
to see if i was just mad and didn't know what to do
sometimes in my dreams
i'll let you love me
and i let you hold me
and i'll let you kiss me
and unfold me
because i know you miss me
and we're with no one to scold me
with no standards to uphold me
sometimes i miss you
so you visit me in my dreams
in between the scenes of the seams
you look for me in her
and you look for me in me
in places that are obscure
because we are unable to be
in this more than real life
because decisions you have made,
so you look for girls like me.
to one day be your wife
one of a kind
so although you look for me
you know you'll never find
the woman that i'll be
the woman that i've become
who'd you thought one day 'd have your son
the girl you see in dreams
is no longer yours
is no longer front and center
is no longer fore
you see the girl in dreams
and although you slip between
the cracks of all the seams
sometimes you'll get a look
and it'll make you feel a gleam
and other time's you'll get a peek
i see it when you sneak
you see me in my dreams
you travel through this fine line
to see me in my mind
to defy the realm of life
to see me one more time
Dec 24, 2019
Dec 24, 2019 at 5:07 AM UTC
i am a hopeless romantic
with suicidal antics
that cant seem to love herself
she cant seem to nudge herself
out of depressive episodes
but she has expressive goals
to fall in love
to call on love
for several favors
and she has several wagers
that "this one will be 'the one'"
that what ever is done
can be undone
and that she will be okay
because one day love will fix it all
she is a pathetic romantic
with an optimistic aesthetic
and a manic
personality
Sep 8, 2019
Sep 8, 2019 at 10:17 PM UTC
i wonder if you see the fear in my eyes
when you show me your love
in hopes that i will compromise,
but i know i am not enough.
so instead i shove your face between my thighs
in hopes that, that will be enough.
because you see my dear,
no love lives here
can you smell the fear?
can you taste it?
as i open my legs for you?
as i lie in a bed for you you?
as my body begs for you?
Jun 7, 2019
Jun 7, 2019 at 12:06 AM UTC
she looked at me like i was important
.... like i mattered
and she touched me like i was fragile,
but had not yet been shattered
she kissed me with such passion
and handled me with such care
she spoke to me with much grace
and raked her fingers through my hair
she caressed my skin with her tongue
and graced my body with her lips
blessed my being with her touch
as she tiptoed to my hips
she ventured through my thighs
as she stared in my eyes
gave my body a surprise
she looked at me like i was important
her eyes said that i matter
as she looked in my soul
and took it shortly,
latter.
Mar 31, 2019
Mar 31, 2019 at 3:58 PM UTC
can't let go
I grasp I take hold
And I can't let go
My hands sweat and slip but I grasp harder
Wondering if it would have been smarter
to just not grasp at all
To just surpass it all
Because now the collapse of it all is on me
And things like this don't have a plan b
... so I think
Wondering about the correlation
Connecting the links
the what ifs
Pleading the fifth to all the things I can't explain
Perspiration runs now like rain down my finger tips
Under looking the bliss
Measuring the ignorance
Memories like fingerprints engraved on us two
Enslaved to the emotions and memories of you
I wish that I would not have taken hold of you
Hands stuck as if glued
With vision skewed
And thoughts just as lewd
Wishing our hearts did not have **** encounters
Wishing that thoughts transcribed were not vouchers
Feelings and emotions for you cower in my brain
Perspiration from my hand like rain makes a puddle
As your actions are rebuttaled
I notice the subtle grit in your voice
the off step in your poise
hands overly moist
overlooking the choice to let go
aching to let go
Heart in hand
hand in heart
I can start to feel the asphyxiation
how can I deal with the gratification of vacancy?
The truth in the blatancy
So I wait and see what will happen
Stuck in the latency of entrapment
A stagnant motion
The collapsing notion of lungs
A grasp that has my neck rung
Hand in heart
Heart in hand
Feb 4, 2019
Feb 4, 2019 at 1:01 AM UTC
you hold me with a grasp that aches to let go
that hates that I let it know that i’m leaving
Your arms begin grieving
Refusing to let go of this fleeting
Moment
The energy you surround me with
so potent
So intense
The kind that gives one notions
The kind that causes me to question every motion
I make
Every romantic idea I create
a facade
So intense
With little motion
And the sense
Of calm
You yawn
I gaze at your slumber
and my fawn hands caress your umber burnt skin
and i begin to listen,
to your heartbeat at its proper pace
as my aching heart mimics it, they begin to race
my eyes dance around your face
As you pull me deeper into your embrace
You hold me
as your snores begin to scold me
you unfold me
i become open to you
as i review ever subtle movement
my body soothes when
you hold me,
how I refuse to hold myself.
i whisper very boldly
to myself, i love you
but only discreetly
while you’re sleeping
because only while we’re dreaming
does this all feel so possible
does this type of love
and sensuality
and affection
feel probable
so i lay
and i wait
for you to awake
i wait in this space
for you to gently place
your lips on my forehead
for your warm embrace.
for clothes to replace
your warm embrace in its stead
for our little visit
to come to an end.
you release me with that grasp that aches to let go
that hates that, I let it know that i have to leave it
Your arms begin grieving me
the romanticism begins fleeting me
i reach over to kiss you
one more time
and in turn you reply
“i love you”
my heart did not know what to say
or what to do
it could not take any less of you
only anymore
Jan 20, 2019
Jan 20, 2019 at 6:49 PM UTC
she was art
she was the part
that no one could account for
greatness in her contour
creativity seeping from out of her pores
dripping onto floors
like wet paint
she ain’t
ordinary
every bit of her
extraordinary
and she wore it very coronary
as if it were a crown
and if you were to look down
on her head
what she said
was more than remarkable
the fire she kept
inside her re spark-able
like a fuse
she is everyone’s muse
truly an inspiration
a beautiful creation
freckles aligned on her face
like constellations
refusing to be complacent
adjacent from
a galaxy that glistens
driven by ambition
as she paints herself with liquin
colors vibrated against her skin
you can hear them closely,
if you listen
you could hear them as she spoke
her breath strokes like brush strokes
ever so soft and subtle
her palette slightly muddled
as oranges and blues cuddle
leaving dull minds fuddled
nothing can suddle such a divine mechanism
but her scheme vibrant with rhythm
seeing the world in her vision
through her own prism
consuming herself in the bristles
she is blissful
every curl in her hair wistful
as every lock wrapped around
one another twistful
she was sublime
as she saw herself as redefined
soaking herself in turpentine
painting a new path
like a phoenix, she arose
from the ash
bouncing back
like stretched canvas
she grabbed in a hand, with
gesso in the other
making her slate blank
to enjoy different palettes
and different paints
an artist
unable to part with
success
Dec 16, 2018
Dec 16, 2018 at 1:22 PM UTC
today I missed you.
I missed something so toxic
something noxious
that I couldn't breathe
that I couldn't believe
what had happened
I couldn't believe the time that had passed and,
it made me sick
to my stomach
as I began to plummet
into...
memories
Dec 16, 2018
Dec 16, 2018 at 1:21 PM UTC
i no longer have the time,
to coddle the feelings of others
who have disregarded the emotions
i have confided
i no longer have the will,
to beg for the love of people
who don't deserve mine...
i no longer have the heart,
to hold on to, and give my all to
someone, who will
not give even a fraction to me
i no longer have the patience
to apologize for things
that are not my fault
i am growing out of the mindset,
to be upset.
to rant and to rave.
to hurt, and to hold grudges.
to be petty,
and to strain my heart.
... my patience has run thin for those types of things
..... and for things of that such
Dec 9, 2018
Dec 9, 2018 at 8:22 PM UTC
and so, he said to me, “Are you sure this is what you want? Are you sure you want me? Because once I fall in love, there is no turning back. I love hard, and I will be obsessed with you I will smother you”.
please do not smother me;
smothering implies force.
It implies suppression,
maybe a hint of aggression,
with a dab of oppression
and a handful of asphyxiation.
In which one kills another,
by with the stifling of breath and emotion.
It is the death of something.
Instead engulf me in your love;
let me be immersed in it.
cradle me.
coddle me.
shelter me.
let me breathe,
so that I can appreciate it
and feel it all around me;
that makes it so much better.
ever so soft.
ever so loving.
ever so gentle.
I understand why you want to smother,
I do.
Why you want to cover parts of me
that you feel are light-filled.
Watering me with muddled emotions and actions
that you feel are quite harmless, but understand;
like flowers overwatered,
and placed in the shade
death will become me.
I too,
struggle with the feeling to
repress and restrain
I do
, but you’re somebody too
you’re important.
Your love is a torrent;
the best thing you can give along with,
your time.
It’s valuable,
so you shouldn’t give if it is unwanted
even to me;
especially to me
or at least don’t make it a habit with anyone
you see
because you are too precious
and too valuable
you say I am special,
but you too, are important
, but thank you
I do,
appreciate the gesture and the thought;
I do.
I want your love but not like that.
I really do,
just not that way.
Just not by suffocation.
I want to be engulfed in it…
there’s a difference,
I do not want to die… I do not want to suffocate.
Oct 9, 2018
Oct 9, 2018 at 1:34 AM UTC