shannon-14 - Hello Poetry

i play the same melancholy songs that I do when we fight sit with my legs crossed or pace in the pretty light i don't want to be the wounded wife the small smile sly im fine i look in the mirror to see her smiling back at me, she tells me its fine you learn to swallow the pain instead of fighting back i loathe my fight the roar of my emotions unchained but without it i look empty devoid of emotion and passion is that what I'm destined for? stuck with a man grey, structured, solid, un-movable when i'm expressive as the sky in all her beauty how do I breathe when we are so different I crumble while you stand tall and fine even if you did crumble you wouldn't want me there a signature of we are not a team i could send you my words explain to you through them how i feel the way i do best but you'd be just as blank just as confused so maybe i swallow my hurt give a small smile and say im fine

0

Aug 19, 2022

Aug 19, 2022 at 12:47 PM UTC

free fall

i play the same melancholy songs that I do when we fight sit with my legs crossed or pace in the pretty light i don't want to be the wounded wife the small smile sly im fine i look in the mirror to see her smiling back at me, she tells me its fine you learn to swallow the pain instead of fighting back i loathe my fight the roar of my emotions unchained but without it i look empty devoid of emotion and passion is that what I'm destined for? stuck with a man grey, structured, solid, un-movable when i'm expressive as the sky in all her beauty how do I breathe when we are so different I crumble while you stand tall and fine even if you did crumble you wouldn't want me there a signature of we are not a team i could send you my words explain to you through them how i feel the way i do best but you'd be just as blank just as confused so maybe i swallow my hurt give a small smile and say im fine

36

you give her everything you told me you couldn't give me small things like an insta post or bears and movies maybe M isn’t e over c2 maybe I just wasn’t enough maybe she’s worth more than I could ever have hoped to be. - I was once your winter girl

0

Nov 30, 2020

Nov 30, 2020 at 8:05 AM UTC

x

you give her everything you told me you couldn't give me small things like an insta post or bears and movies maybe M isn’t e over c2 maybe I just wasn’t enough maybe she’s worth more than I could ever have hoped to be. - I was once your winter girl

10

and you make me want to write poetry again not the good kind I find myself back here every once in a while to find we’re still gone you and I aren’t who we used to be and yeah its great being friends but it hurts to see you happier with the better version of me because we like the same music and have the same wants but she has you now and I’m lost and forgot what it was like to hold your hand its been a year my dear and I'm happier too with the boy I left you in the dust for I will never forgive my course of actions though approved of and signed by you I should’ve seen the signs of your unhappiness and discontent when you sat on the rock instead of dancing with her though she wanted you we ****** that night under the stars but I don’t think you wanted to mean it and I dont think you ever forgot but how could you how could I see past the love I had to chase a dream of mine that ultimately crushed us too selfish wants and selfish ways you say you forgive me but that can’t be true when I watched you cry in anger and 3 months later we screamed in each others faces while I packed up my stuff and moved back out to the place id finally escaped from into your arms because you were better than the death I had planning because it was you or the ocean and you knew that and I sit back here and im still in this place and she hasn’t changed and I lost you and I lost your family that once was our family and I lost my nieces and I lost my sanity once again but you aren’t to blame no I am the one who tore our love to shreds I am the one who needed more I am the one who burnt the bridges that saved me back on my deserted island of ‘home’ but you know home is ******** I love him. but you you taught me how to love you taught me it was okay to be vulnerable you taught me that for once love didn’t have to be violent that it could be soft like summer rain the thunderstorms we’d cuddle up in rearranging our room to be a little cubby just for us love could be okay it could be okay and you said you had me and I trusted that because you did and then I ****** it up and you sit at parties of our mutual friends telling me that’s not what happened and it was, M, it was what happened I threw out the loving family I finally had and christmases that were joy and not manipulation I threw out what I treasured most and **** you’ve changed you’re not the same person I fell in love with so why is it so ******* hard to actually let you go why is it so hard to watch you turn your back to walk into her arms call her perfect beautiful I wish I could say I dont know where I went wrong do the things I wanted with you with her and that hurts too long hair and **** watching ****** movies and you planning dates and she gets that cool you say I taught you things like that but did I or was it when you finally found someone that would make your heart spin thats when she deserved that you have a job now so you pay and I always did but she loves you better so thats just that isn’t it we both know im not the one running though and my inner demons begin to show and I cant state my point without yelling and you cant yell back and I thought I needed that its been a year. how how have I not gotten over you yet how am I so content yet so destroyed by the thought of you I listen to our song the one we recorded for each other before you left without knowing we both had and I sit here with tears in my eyes because its been a year and hey there Delilah still makes me cry thinking about your voice crack when you cried for me maybe in another year ill be fine and I dont know why im not this site feels like our place I miss you I miss you like summer rain and I miss being your winter girl but I miss who you were not who you are now

0

Nov 14, 2020

Nov 14, 2020 at 11:16 AM UTC

write again

and you make me want to write poetry again not the good kind I find myself back here every once in a while to find we’re still gone you and I aren’t who we used to be and yeah its great being friends but it hurts to see you happier with the better version of me because we like the same music and have the same wants but she has you now and I’m lost and forgot what it was like to hold your hand its been a year my dear and I'm happier too with the boy I left you in the dust for I will never forgive my course of actions though approved of and signed by you I should’ve seen the signs of your unhappiness and discontent when you sat on the rock instead of dancing with her though she wanted you we ****** that night under the stars but I don’t think you wanted to mean it and I dont think you ever forgot but how could you how could I see past the love I had to chase a dream of mine that ultimately crushed us too selfish wants and selfish ways you say you forgive me but that can’t be true when I watched you cry in anger and 3 months later we screamed in each others faces while I packed up my stuff and moved back out to the place id finally escaped from into your arms because you were better than the death I had planning because it was you or the ocean and you knew that and I sit back here and im still in this place and she hasn’t changed and I lost you and I lost your family that once was our family and I lost my nieces and I lost my sanity once again but you aren’t to blame no I am the one who tore our love to shreds I am the one who needed more I am the one who burnt the bridges that saved me back on my deserted island of ‘home’ but you know home is ******** I love him. but you you taught me how to love you taught me it was okay to be vulnerable you taught me that for once love didn’t have to be violent that it could be soft like summer rain the thunderstorms we’d cuddle up in rearranging our room to be a little cubby just for us love could be okay it could be okay and you said you had me and I trusted that because you did and then I ****** it up and you sit at parties of our mutual friends telling me that’s not what happened and it was, M, it was what happened I threw out the loving family I finally had and christmases that were joy and not manipulation I threw out what I treasured most and **** you’ve changed you’re not the same person I fell in love with so why is it so ******* hard to actually let you go why is it so hard to watch you turn your back to walk into her arms call her perfect beautiful I wish I could say I dont know where I went wrong do the things I wanted with you with her and that hurts too long hair and **** watching ****** movies and you planning dates and she gets that cool you say I taught you things like that but did I or was it when you finally found someone that would make your heart spin thats when she deserved that you have a job now so you pay and I always did but she loves you better so thats just that isn’t it we both know im not the one running though and my inner demons begin to show and I cant state my point without yelling and you cant yell back and I thought I needed that its been a year. how how have I not gotten over you yet how am I so content yet so destroyed by the thought of you I listen to our song the one we recorded for each other before you left without knowing we both had and I sit here with tears in my eyes because its been a year and hey there Delilah still makes me cry thinking about your voice crack when you cried for me maybe in another year ill be fine and I dont know why im not this site feels like our place I miss you I miss you like summer rain and I miss being your winter girl but I miss who you were not who you are now

105

I still look at you like you put stars in the sky I swore to myself that this would be easy But I sit here in another’s bed asking why I feel queasy and ****** and not at all breezy

0

Oct 7, 2020

Oct 7, 2020 at 7:00 AM UTC

wrong

I still look at you like you put stars in the sky I swore to myself that this would be easy But I sit here in another’s bed asking why I feel queasy and ****** and not at all breezy

4

he used to be my everything bright like summer rain he has a new girl now and things just aren’t the same she says that she loves him utterly and truely she swore and it hurts to watch him love her as if it wasn’t you before

0

Oct 7, 2020

Oct 7, 2020 at 2:53 AM UTC

aches in old wounds

he used to be my everything bright like summer rain he has a new girl now and things just aren’t the same she says that she loves him utterly and truely she swore and it hurts to watch him love her as if it wasn’t you before

8

I sat alone in this house for a month haunted by millions of ghosts in the walls, in the floors, in all of my draws I sat alone in this house afraid dreading the last call of the night where all would leave and I remain alone I sat in this house longing for the constant company I once had and craved the sounds of home yet I forget that home is the sounds of yelling and power and all of the things that make me want to be small I sat in this house free walking around in nothing but ****** not trapped in my room fighting hopelessness trying to will myself into doing something anything hoping the darkness doesn’t win you can’t be bad for a month she screams at me, for I used all the towels and didn’t wash them because sadness held me down and even breathing was hard once the people left and the ghosts remain I fear for the paradox if I am unable to be alone yet perish when they return where do I thrive where do I live without these rocks that have made my ribcage their home pulling my chest closer and closer to the floor and begging stagnation to stay if I am unable to be alone yet crave blood when they return where do I live for here is not living this is not a home this is a house plagued by ghosts some of which with heartbeats some of which smell like honey and flowers sickly and sweet this is not a home this is a house plagued by ghosts and one of those ghosts is me

0

Aug 25, 2020

Aug 25, 2020 at 12:16 AM UTC

im out of words

I sat alone in this house for a month haunted by millions of ghosts in the walls, in the floors, in all of my draws I sat alone in this house afraid dreading the last call of the night where all would leave and I remain alone I sat in this house longing for the constant company I once had and craved the sounds of home yet I forget that home is the sounds of yelling and power and all of the things that make me want to be small I sat in this house free walking around in nothing but ****** not trapped in my room fighting hopelessness trying to will myself into doing something anything hoping the darkness doesn’t win you can’t be bad for a month she screams at me, for I used all the towels and didn’t wash them because sadness held me down and even breathing was hard once the people left and the ghosts remain I fear for the paradox if I am unable to be alone yet perish when they return where do I thrive where do I live without these rocks that have made my ribcage their home pulling my chest closer and closer to the floor and begging stagnation to stay if I am unable to be alone yet crave blood when they return where do I live for here is not living this is not a home this is a house plagued by ghosts some of which with heartbeats some of which smell like honey and flowers sickly and sweet this is not a home this is a house plagued by ghosts and one of those ghosts is me

48

and I laugh and look back and smile and rejoice in the fact that you don’t write about her like you wrote lines about me romantic poetry in fact you don’t write at all anymore and then I frown because neither do I

0

Aug 11, 2020

Aug 11, 2020 at 10:13 AM UTC

love and loss in words

and I laugh and look back and smile and rejoice in the fact that you don’t write about her like you wrote lines about me romantic poetry in fact you don’t write at all anymore and then I frown because neither do I

7

learn how he likes his coffee; moka espresso black with a single sugar, a cappuccino or a flat white if he’s out (he knows the only espresso better than his is his nonno’s) learn how to make it, the brand of espresso he uses, how much he puts in, the flick of his wrist when he puts the sugar in. The first sip, the gentle smile that he shares with the world. contento. learn his family. his mother is overprotective and his father likes to put his foot in his mouth. it’s a trait in him you learn to love, and love the fact he passed it to his son. learn that he has a troubled past, the love child of two divorces, he feels like the symbol of heartbreak. assure him that he is so much more than what happened before he was born. learn his brothers. learn the heartache that comes with breakups when drugs and two little angels get involved. love those two girls with all your heart. they need a nurturing force in their life and it breaks my heart but I can’t be that anymore. the older one wants to be taught. information and knowledge excites her, teach her about the sky and the moon. spend the time teaching her. she may annoy you temporarily but her hugs are like gold. the younger one loves games, and stealing half of your breakfast even when she swore she wasn’t hungry. get her to trust you and shell sprint to you every time she sees you. I’d give anything to see her again. learn Sunday lunches. you’ll never get him to miss one, but take this as a sign of devotion to his family, and for what he loves most. go with him to them, but ALWAYS say hello to nonna or so help you god. remember that pasta is an entree in this culture. his uncle will make a crude joke, his cousins will be the most lovely girls you’ll ever meet. his aunt will sometimes be racist but don’t worry, he will set her straight. learn his culture. pasta is a given, but so is the word ’no’. he will spend a lot of time cooped up in his room, encourage him to spend more time outside. he secretly loves the sunshine, as long as he has enough deodorant on. attempt the language. language is a big passion of his. Italian is beautiful, treat it with respect he will love walks if they’re with you. find a pretty view and he will insist you’re prettier. his frequent compliments, he means every one of them. don’t let them lose meaning. all are genuine. say thank you. twirl around the kitchen when you make late night tea and never ever forget to drink it. let him game for as long as he wants. he will crawl into bed with you when he’s done and he’ll appreciate the time for himself. don’t forget that he loves you. lay on his bare chest. he loves skin to skin. aircon on, he loves being cold then curling up under covers. spoon him from time to time. protect him. hold him tight. hands through his hair. he loves back scratches when he hugs you. he’ll ask for it if you forget, but ******* don’t. you remembering will put him at ease find ways for him to express his anger. he doesn’t know how to so it sits in his chest and broods. *** helps. throwing things at the wall helps. he will have meltdowns. he puts so much on his plate at once, and he can handle it, but he needs his downtime. encourage him to stop studying, to read or game or workout, something that isn’t for anybody else but him. hug him, tell him everything will still workout if he takes half an hour to cool off. he loves finding new music. let him play it in the car when you drive. keep hand sanitiser in your purse. he hates sticky hands. he loves waffles. do with that what you will. surprise him with tea that you find interesting. he’ll love the thought. intricate gifts mean a lot to him, but it's not hard to remind him of your love. leave notes in his room, long, short, post it notes. write him poetry. call him with good news. call him with bad news. call him in the bath. call him to tell him you love him. cherish him. never let a day go by without telling him you love him. dont let him go like I did. don’t let your selfish desires **** his soul. love him with all your heart. never take him for granted. never take his quietness for anger. never let him go to sleep feeling unloved. stay up with him when hes upset. dress up for him. surprise him with visits but call when youre close by, just incase. never let him out of your grasp. never ever hurt him. he cant dance but tell him to be free with you. sing in the car with him. compliment his singing, its ******* impressive. if he writes you a song memories the words and sing it in the car when youre sad. I still do. love him with everything you have. he deserves the world. give it to him.

0

Apr 13, 2020

Apr 13, 2020 at 12:11 AM UTC

to the girl who loves him next

learn how he likes his coffee; moka espresso black with a single sugar, a cappuccino or a flat white if he’s out (he knows the only espresso better than his is his nonno’s) learn how to make it, the brand of espresso he uses, how much he puts in, the flick of his wrist when he puts the sugar in. The first sip, the gentle smile that he shares with the world. contento. learn his family. his mother is overprotective and his father likes to put his foot in his mouth. it’s a trait in him you learn to love, and love the fact he passed it to his son. learn that he has a troubled past, the love child of two divorces, he feels like the symbol of heartbreak. assure him that he is so much more than what happened before he was born. learn his brothers. learn the heartache that comes with breakups when drugs and two little angels get involved. love those two girls with all your heart. they need a nurturing force in their life and it breaks my heart but I can’t be that anymore. the older one wants to be taught. information and knowledge excites her, teach her about the sky and the moon. spend the time teaching her. she may annoy you temporarily but her hugs are like gold. the younger one loves games, and stealing half of your breakfast even when she swore she wasn’t hungry. get her to trust you and shell sprint to you every time she sees you. I’d give anything to see her again. learn Sunday lunches. you’ll never get him to miss one, but take this as a sign of devotion to his family, and for what he loves most. go with him to them, but ALWAYS say hello to nonna or so help you god. remember that pasta is an entree in this culture. his uncle will make a crude joke, his cousins will be the most lovely girls you’ll ever meet. his aunt will sometimes be racist but don’t worry, he will set her straight. learn his culture. pasta is a given, but so is the word ’no’. he will spend a lot of time cooped up in his room, encourage him to spend more time outside. he secretly loves the sunshine, as long as he has enough deodorant on. attempt the language. language is a big passion of his. Italian is beautiful, treat it with respect he will love walks if they’re with you. find a pretty view and he will insist you’re prettier. his frequent compliments, he means every one of them. don’t let them lose meaning. all are genuine. say thank you. twirl around the kitchen when you make late night tea and never ever forget to drink it. let him game for as long as he wants. he will crawl into bed with you when he’s done and he’ll appreciate the time for himself. don’t forget that he loves you. lay on his bare chest. he loves skin to skin. aircon on, he loves being cold then curling up under covers. spoon him from time to time. protect him. hold him tight. hands through his hair. he loves back scratches when he hugs you. he’ll ask for it if you forget, but ******* don’t. you remembering will put him at ease find ways for him to express his anger. he doesn’t know how to so it sits in his chest and broods. *** helps. throwing things at the wall helps. he will have meltdowns. he puts so much on his plate at once, and he can handle it, but he needs his downtime. encourage him to stop studying, to read or game or workout, something that isn’t for anybody else but him. hug him, tell him everything will still workout if he takes half an hour to cool off. he loves finding new music. let him play it in the car when you drive. keep hand sanitiser in your purse. he hates sticky hands. he loves waffles. do with that what you will. surprise him with tea that you find interesting. he’ll love the thought. intricate gifts mean a lot to him, but it's not hard to remind him of your love. leave notes in his room, long, short, post it notes. write him poetry. call him with good news. call him with bad news. call him in the bath. call him to tell him you love him. cherish him. never let a day go by without telling him you love him. dont let him go like I did. don’t let your selfish desires **** his soul. love him with all your heart. never take him for granted. never take his quietness for anger. never let him go to sleep feeling unloved. stay up with him when hes upset. dress up for him. surprise him with visits but call when youre close by, just incase. never let him out of your grasp. never ever hurt him. he cant dance but tell him to be free with you. sing in the car with him. compliment his singing, its ******* impressive. if he writes you a song memories the words and sing it in the car when youre sad. I still do. love him with everything you have. he deserves the world. give it to him.

33

nothing burns hotter than the realisation that you were the problem all along that those feelings of resentment and hatred they stemmed from your core, from your habits abuse had and abuse held, abuse shared where it didn’t belong my dear sweet boy, as time goes on I see more and more the flaws in my actions the things I said and did where they came from, and where they went. my dear sweet boy you and I both know I live in active abuse where I walk on eggshells all day and seldom talk yet when I am with you I yell and scream you should not wear my trauma on your sleeve it is not yours to hold yet I ****** it into your hands “here” “take it” not many options and the fear that grasped you never let you say no this isn’t okay I deserve better I live in resentment of the world that created the injustice in which I lie but that resentment boiled into hatred for the blessed life that you were gifted a mothers love was all I ever wanted. a mothers love was all you ever got we fought like fire and rain I always put you out the fire inside me burns bright and I doubt it will ever cease but that fire isn’t yours to bear the burns that cover your body are forever and I see the damage I have done. I dance to the sound of your minds thoughts racing thinking how do I say I’m hurt without hurting her. how do I express disscontempt when I know her mind will flick to the worst how do I be me without hurting her and my dear sweet boy insight is a miracle but so is distance. and I hope she makes you happy I hope her smile lights up your heart I listen to the playlist I made you gave to you the day you went away and I miss you all over again my stormboy the heavens still cry for you

0

Mar 2, 2020

Mar 2, 2020 at 8:03 AM UTC

Toxic.

nothing burns hotter than the realisation that you were the problem all along that those feelings of resentment and hatred they stemmed from your core, from your habits abuse had and abuse held, abuse shared where it didn’t belong my dear sweet boy, as time goes on I see more and more the flaws in my actions the things I said and did where they came from, and where they went. my dear sweet boy you and I both know I live in active abuse where I walk on eggshells all day and seldom talk yet when I am with you I yell and scream you should not wear my trauma on your sleeve it is not yours to hold yet I ****** it into your hands “here” “take it” not many options and the fear that grasped you never let you say no this isn’t okay I deserve better I live in resentment of the world that created the injustice in which I lie but that resentment boiled into hatred for the blessed life that you were gifted a mothers love was all I ever wanted. a mothers love was all you ever got we fought like fire and rain I always put you out the fire inside me burns bright and I doubt it will ever cease but that fire isn’t yours to bear the burns that cover your body are forever and I see the damage I have done. I dance to the sound of your minds thoughts racing thinking how do I say I’m hurt without hurting her. how do I express disscontempt when I know her mind will flick to the worst how do I be me without hurting her and my dear sweet boy insight is a miracle but so is distance. and I hope she makes you happy I hope her smile lights up your heart I listen to the playlist I made you gave to you the day you went away and I miss you all over again my stormboy the heavens still cry for you

49

I’ve always written poetry, Ever since I was little Little Shannon writing lyrics to love songs when **** She didn’t even know love yet. I wonder if anyone’s figured it out two unconnected poetry accounts on the same site Look closer and you’ll read the tale of our love Poems written at the same times Watch us unfold Without knowing when we started where we’d end up So take a look Look back Craft the timeline of our falling in love and of the out When we started losing ourselves and stopped writing When we swear we fell apart, but didn’t. Then really did. Craft the timeline of our words. We are but words here. Maybe one day we can write poetry again. Maybe one day it won’t hurt this bad.

0

Dec 29, 2019

Dec 29, 2019 at 9:52 AM UTC

letters through poetry

I’ve always written poetry, Ever since I was little Little Shannon writing lyrics to love songs when **** She didn’t even know love yet. I wonder if anyone’s figured it out two unconnected poetry accounts on the same site Look closer and you’ll read the tale of our love Poems written at the same times Watch us unfold Without knowing when we started where we’d end up So take a look Look back Craft the timeline of our falling in love and of the out When we started losing ourselves and stopped writing When we swear we fell apart, but didn’t. Then really did. Craft the timeline of our words. We are but words here. Maybe one day we can write poetry again. Maybe one day it won’t hurt this bad.

22