I used to revel in the scent of you
The life you breathed into me
And the air of September
No coffee, because you prefer
Tea, the stains held close to my heart
I could have written a thousand poems
To describe the way
Your mouth moved against mine
But all I have are our secrets
Hidden in my bedsheets
The hoodie of yours I loved
Sits worn in my wardrobe
There’s no you left in the threads
And that doesn’t fill me with regret
anymore
Nov 22, 2024
Nov 22, 2024 at 6:02 AM UTC
maybe losing him
to find you
was worth it in the end.
Nov 12, 2024
Nov 12, 2024 at 3:24 PM UTC
I think about
you, loosely in the cracks
between my mind. You
hold that power over me,
my favourite misdirection-
My favourite muse.
To desire to want you in a
masterpiece is the secret
painted on my
wrists. I breathe you in
a little louder, kiss you a little
harder; til the earth
wipes away.
a Daydream in the night sky,
I hold you there.
Apr 14, 2020
Apr 14, 2020 at 8:11 PM UTC
there are so many beautiful pieces of me I can't let you touch
because what if it's my problems
that come spilling out instead?
Jun 4, 2018
Jun 4, 2018 at 3:21 PM UTC
The room smells of coffee and cigarettes
That easily forgotten scent
(Call it 'the usual' at the midnight bar)
An insidious fantasy in the greasy eight foot by two kitchenette
A chair hardly holds its own weight
But every golden morning
On smoky speckled granite
There rests a newspaper and its partner
The ink gel pen
Buried beneath calloused palms
Ready to tackle the morning sudoku
My eyes don't quite greet yours
As I barely grasp the cereal cupboard
Hoping for the nine hundredth time
You won't notice
The failure in my short stature
Yet you rise
Like the plume of death
That snarky grin on stubbled skin
Imprinted by age and time
And with osseous fingers
Reach for that easy handle
To pour me
My early meal
I've considered waking up earlier
Avoid the apocalyptic ritual of mornings
Perhaps early enough to travel back
To the womb
Faultless and timeless
Before mother was 19 and you were 29
Learning to love
Just each other before adding
Another
Would I find myself?
A parasite
One that should be deleted
Before gifted the brutality
Of that first
Fated breath
We moved into a different rhythm
I haven't said "I love you"
Since I was fourteen
Not sincerely at least
And my room is my sanctuary
Lest I need to speak
To a parent
Turned stranger
Envy encircles my heart
For friends who speak to their founders
Like I speak to dated sepia memories
I'm speechless at how
People know of their children's lives at all
So used to enduring in silence
I forgot
Others speak
Without the curtains of time
Mutilating love
Shatter the plastic bricks of this childhood
Lego house
And one might recognise
The imperfections of emotional abuse
Hallways thirty miles long
Between rooms
For it is normal to traverse oceans and cities and islands
For a simple conversation-
Is it not?
Two separate households
Under one precarious rooftop
Burned out galaxies
Trying nuclear fusion once more
To engender hydrogen from nothing
Like arguments
Spawned from
Thin air
This old family of mine
My mother
My father and
I
We live dangerously close to the edge
Like flying fish too close to the waterfall
Rose-tinted glasses disguise
The misery
For adolescent naivety
Smudged and raw eyes concealed
For the rest of the world
By jaded untruths
This fleeting family of mine:
Here is my soul
(My house key)
My salvation
(My bedroom)
And my sanctity
(The roommates agreement)
For the last time before
I say goodbye
Jun 2, 2018
Jun 2, 2018 at 4:19 AM UTC
I used to think in monochrome
Like a disc on repeat
The same 60 minutes of tragedy on
A big screen
But on the 500th play
Something happened I can't explain
Your character joined the script and suddenly
All the scenes made sense
Everything I thought I'd never feel
Came alive
And everything I needed to ****
Died between your lips
I'm not saying you're perfect
But if a blind man asked me to show him colours
You're the one I'd describe
Apr 21, 2018
Apr 21, 2018 at 10:21 AM UTC
i want to see a future
where i don't hate myself
for the choices i don't make
but instead love myself
for the opportunities i
rise from challenges
Mar 22, 2018
Mar 22, 2018 at 6:42 PM UTC
"It was... magical." They would gush
Stars orbiting just for them
A moment where two minds
Choose to be one
You can roll your eyes
Say you've heard the story five times-
Six now
But they aren't even listening, they can't
Above the crashing waves
Of their passion
This party wasn't made for two
Gravitating toward one another
Not even socialising with the outside lifeforms
The moon and his sun
The day and her night
The sand and his ocean
Ten plus ten fingers still equals ten
Two hands superglued like crafts
In the middle
Money and papers forgotten
A universe built like a cottage roof
Above two bodies
One soul
Ten years pass
And suddenly one home becomes two
All the secret smiles
And inside jokes
Are screams and shouts and curses
That you think echo across the street
But live inside your head
That first story
The way they met
So long ago
Is the story you wish you'd hear
Instead of this exit song
That will never stop playing
Until one or the other
Finally gives up
Leaves orbit
To be the only star
Of their lonely galaxy.
Mar 17, 2018
Mar 17, 2018 at 11:51 AM UTC
You took nothing
And yet everything from me
I asked for naught but you gave me life
And bleeding wounds scabbed
Scars on my soul with years past healed
I laughed
And lived
Like I hadn't been alive before
The stars lit for you and me
Everything is raw
There is no better word
Three minutes or three years
Could pass between thoughts of you
And I still regret everything
I did something wrong?
I turned you away?
Was the health of my mind scary
Did it make you run
From this burning inferno of my forested soul
I miss everything
And yet nothing
For you took me
And returned my broken pieces
But left the image of you
Whole
Jan 13, 2018
Jan 13, 2018 at 11:21 AM UTC
I have a family
Extended members don't know
But then again
Neither do my parents
If they knew would they cry
Could I watch the tears streak down their cheeks as my practiced story is retold and
Sinks in
Would they tell friends,
Turn a blind eye to the misconceptions of my disease
Maybe protect me when my back is turned
Or would they weep
Crocodile tears
Then love again
Love again as they were before
But with new information
Do you think if I shouted my demons across the seven seas
Would pirates look at me in awe of my strength
In awe of my brittle bones that have stood strong without help
Would they look at themselves and remember the battles they've had with
Themselves
And believe in me when I don't
If I told my parents
Finally
As my therapist tells me to
Would they hold me
Even when I hate being touched
The way skin holds skin
How fat of mine is transferred with fat of yours
How I have always hated it
But it doesn't matter when affection comes before personal beliefs
It disgusts me
My body
I hope you know that
I hope you realise why I can't be touched
By family
Because you broke me bulimia
And cracks aren't healed with hugs.
Oct 26, 2017
Oct 26, 2017 at 10:09 AM UTC