I call your name
But you never come
I wish I could rely on you just once
Can I rely on anyone?
I call your name
But our distance only grows
You left me all alone
Where the hell did you go?
I call your name
But my voice just ricochets
Off the empty walls
The sound just travels back to me
Your silence is deafening
You saw me struggling and you just let me fall
It’s up to me I guess
I will find my strength in your absence
I will keep on moving
I’ve got me, just the way it’s always been
It’s okay, I find solitude soothing
There’s a certain comfort in aloneness
May 4, 2020
May 4, 2020 at 5:04 PM UTC
I’ve seen in many different shades
Painted from a plethora of palettes
Worn glasses that changed my world
That obscured my vision at night
And worn the wrong prescription some days
I’ve worn rose colored lenses
Far more than I’d like to admit
Ignored signs directly in my line of sight
Because I didn’t want to see it for what it truly is
I also have a bad habit
Of seeing things in black and white
Seeing things from only two sides
I forget about the gray areas
And the entire color spectrum
Decide if things aren’t going perfect
Then they must be on the verge of falling apart at any moment
I jump from one extreme to the next
From black to white and back again
I have to remind myself to take a deep breath
Step back
And admire the range
That life is actually a rainbow
Bright and spectacular
But also sometimes dark and brooding
And that it’s all apart of living
It’s all just as necessary
You have to observe the entire canvas
To really admire, fully, the masterpiece
May 2, 2020
May 2, 2020 at 12:54 AM UTC
Sparks may fly
And fires roar
But lovers lie
And flames die
And love becomes no more
It hurts, I know
But darling please pick yourself up off the floor
Fix your crown
Don’t you dare let the glorious light you have inside
Fizzle out
May 2, 2020
May 2, 2020 at 12:52 AM UTC
Life is ever changing
Evolving, shedding layers, growing
Seasons change and leaves fall
Turn to different shades
Plants constantly dying then being rebirthed
Desert land once desolate plots of dirt
Become lush vibrant fields between winter and spring
It’s the circle of life really
And it’s quite a beautiful thing to see
Maybe life’s only real constancy
Is the way it’s constantly changing
That you can count on the fact
That you can never truly know what tomorrow may bring
This lack of constancy, in and of itself is a constancy
It’s this contradictory consistent lack of consistency that keeps life interesting
May 2, 2020
May 2, 2020 at 12:45 AM UTC
It’s quite the contrary
For the things that nearly broke me
To end up as the very foundation of my rebuilding
The same things that caused my crumble
That left me in wreckage
Buried in debris
Questioning if I could ever again stand on my feet
Became the cornerstone of my very being
That which didn’t **** me, though it nearly
Truly did make me stronger
I once stood with shaky knees and trembling hands
Legs threatening to buckle beneath me
It was the hell of it all
Collapsing into myself
The final straw that caused my longest darkest fall
That forced me to pick up the pieces
And build myself into an indestructible wall
Because it was either build or wallow and die amongst the wreckage
Either craft myself a lifeboat
Or drown in the sea
But I chose to stay afloat
And now all the bad things
They’re what make me, me
Of course I don’t think
I deserved what happened to me
But these were the seeds that were planted
That which nourished my growth
These are the cornerstone
They tried to break me
But all they did was make my structure unwavering
May 2, 2020
May 2, 2020 at 12:43 AM UTC
This candle is honey and vanilla scented,
But it’s so much more than just some sweet savory smell
It smells like 2:00 am on a Saturday
laying on the carpet with my best friends
Laughing about everything and nothing
Not wanting the night to end
Pumpkin pie smells like a chilly October day back in 2008
When we sat on the couch in front of the fireplace
And everything felt okay
Isn’t it strange how you can travel back in time?
All you need is a dash of cinnamon and nutmeg
And suddenly it’s Christmas 2009 when my heart felt light and everything was fine
May 2, 2020
May 2, 2020 at 12:35 AM UTC
Haven’t you heard?
Crying is a woman thing!
What? You thought your tear ducts had a purpose?
Sorry, but your body has done you a disservice
You won’t be needing them
These pesky emotions need to go!
Feelings? Pff, what are those?
To cry means you’re feminine, a weakling, a *****
Something manly men are not
You see, I thought there was strength in vulnerability
I guess that I was wrong
I thought crying was for everyone
A healthy thing, stress relief, a way to breathe
According to society, crying just isn’t manly
But crying is a human thing
No it just can’t be
If you want to be a “real man”
Swallow down those feelings!
Indifference is key
The only emotion you can feel is angry
Talking about your feelings?
No you must talk through your fists
Fists fights are manly
Though no one ever really wins
God forbid if you ever let someone else in
They might see that you are just human
They might trick you into believing you have been lied to all your life
That crying is okay, beautiful, full of might
And guess what, that is absolutely right!
The one who told you to “man up” when all you did was feel
Well I guess sometimes we use the same hand we’re dealt to deal
But if you don’t let things hurt, how can they ever fully heal?
Let it all out, I promise you’ll feel better
It’s okay if there are storms you simply cannot weather
You are no less of a man for shedding a few tears
You deserve to feel, it’s okay to not be okay, I hope I made that clear
May 2, 2020
May 2, 2020 at 12:33 AM UTC
The kitchen is a war zone
A bomb explosion
Wading through the mess of dishes
like sailing across the polluted ocean
They’re stacked practically to the roof
I can no longer ignore the ugly truth
The proof of all the days I’ve already been through
This bowl is from two weeks ago
Good god where did the time go?
I let this mess get piled up
24 hours in a day is not enough
There’s so much to do I don’t know where to start
Maybe it’s best if I break into parts
Turn on the water
Give it time to get properly hot
The sink begins to fill
The water is overflowing
Dishes spill
What am I gonna do?
Now its not one mess but two
The floor is flooded
The sink isn’t draining
I’m slipping and falling
Frantically trying to stop it
But I don’t know the first thing
about fixing a broken faucet
May 2, 2020
May 2, 2020 at 12:28 AM UTC
They say that home is where the heart is
But my heart is homeless
Left out in the cold
Night after night
There is no place to go
For the broken and the bruised
All I ever wanted was a hand to hold
And someone I could call home
But every time I give someone my heart
They promise to protect it
Promise that I am safe
And then immediately throw my love
Back in my face
And stomp my heart into the ground
Leaving me to pick up the pieces
As I am coughing up blood
It is safe to say love and I are done
So in terms of where my heart is safest
I guess that I can call myself home
I must be the unbreakable foundation
A shelter that can withstand the storm
And not allow my heart to roam
Stay here in my capable hands
No one else will love and care for me like I can
I have to be my own home
I am home
But home has never felt so alone
May 2, 2020
May 2, 2020 at 12:22 AM UTC
It is said that time heals all wounds
But as I stare at yet another lonely moon
One whole orbit around the sun has passed
And I still miss you
There’s no stitches in the world
Strong enough to seal
The gaping hole left in your absence
Nothing can remedy the loss I still feel
My heart still aches for only you
I’ve tried to move on
But I’ve yet to find someone
That makes me feel anything close to what you do
I loved you more than I could admit
But I was too afraid to let you in
You tried for months but you had to move on
And I don’t blame you one bit
Our love was lost before it even had the chance to be found
We had so much potential but the fear in my head drowned you out
We drifted in an ocean of all the words we were too afraid to speak
And so our love remains an abandoned ship, lost at sea
~serene destiny
May 2, 2020
May 2, 2020 at 12:19 AM UTC