I can't understand why it isn't blood,
why it isn't the friends that stay with me,
why it isn't the people I stay for.
But A man who felt like everything.
A man who wants nothing to do with me
and a man that I would give my everything for.
why? why did i have to pick this man?
why is my memory of breathing, of air, of life all connected to this one man?
I counted the days, it was nothing more than seven months we were in contact.
I felt more in those seven months than I have ever felt in my entire life.
I let go of so much to chase it. Betrayed my love to chase it.
It was selfish.
I was chasing air. I was chasing warmth. I was chasing beauty.
why was it him? why couldn't it have been anyone else?
days are so stale lately. on a good day i still cry for hours.
I don't want to let go yet. I don't want to move on from it.
The world was beautiful. For seven months.
Apr 16
Apr 16, 2026 at 10:31 AM UTC
pull my skin back over my bones
i am lonely
i miss you
put me back in my place
and make me feel whole again
tell me what i want to hear
i am weak
i miss you
tip me forward toward good things
and show me beauty in the world again
fall sporadically back into my life
i am pretend
i miss you
i know that you are above
so hand me the universe in my palm again
Feb 24
Feb 24, 2026 at 4:25 AM UTC
I scream in pain and I hurt from things that haven’t taken place
I scream in pleasure and ***** thoughts of *** and ***
coat the inside of my brain
Sobbing after the release, the water drips down my face from above
It hurts
A distraction for a second, a distraction,
I am trying to hold on to what I have
It’s slow and fast and theres not enough time
I slam my head back against the shower wall
I want to sit here in the warmth and the despair and the nothing
I want to be pushed to release again
I want to be pushed a little more just all I need so I can finally end things for good
Final release
Feb 24
Feb 24, 2026 at 4:21 AM UTC