I lay shipwrecked in bed,
tossing in turbulent sea of sheets
and sheets of fragmented thoughts
and moth-eaten memories.
Lost now as I was then,
and finding fast that the past had no power to create a future
and that living itself offers no cure.
And as the earth cradles the moon, like a newborn
I am forced to set off, once again,
and sift through the images that break and fall,
like historic glaciers, from the corners of my brain,
into an ocean of emotion.
Always and only visible to me at night,
that kind blind spot here to help save me from knowing,
Some great secret my heart is not yet willing to tell my head.
Feb 19, 2016
Feb 19, 2016 at 3:40 AM UTC
Walking home from work
On a hot day, dark night.
The moon drunk with heat,
hanging lower then usual.
its light dripping like sweat
over this sleepy town.
The stillness is so calming
and the feeling of living without will,
or purpose seems to suit me just fine.
Realizing that the earth has a smell
and that I am inside of it.
That ally's have faces and that people
can be as shapeless and purposeless as trees still in the midnight heat, with no wind to make them come alive.
These are the days I count.......
and Its all I need to look up.....without expecting god.
May 24, 2014
May 24, 2014 at 4:15 AM UTC
I've lived so many times, if only in my head.
I have felt sad about everything.
I have loved so many times because I couldn't love myself.
Cradling illusion, desire
A terror that blossoms, like a rose in the soul.
I've learned to better get along with the pain
and the fear that even joy strikes within me.
But things have a way of reminding us
We no longer can say what they mean,
The meaning is in our heart, not our head.
Most of the time living life is a sentence.
And Time is neither a soothing wave
Or warm sand running through our fingers
It is jagged and difficult to grasp
and to run after it would mean to risk the fall.
May 21, 2014
May 21, 2014 at 1:57 AM UTC
................
I have drank all their poisons
and my blood is soiled and silent.
I sit here as they erase the twilight
And I know…..that there is no paradise.
That paradise was lost when it was created in the mind.
A cry in the dark.
I know now that peace does not exist,
that this word formed itself on the lips of a solider.
And that love can only be felt in the
stitching together of a broken heart.
Know that I find no comfort on Your Bench,
only a minor relief in the Cross of Your arms…..
as I shed silent tears into your burning heart.
You nailed me down
so that no one else will.
Taught me to love myself
only when You do.
And that when you felt the pain,
You made sure I'd feel it too.
May 21, 2014
May 21, 2014 at 1:57 AM UTC
I was sitting there in my childhood hour without time or god
Life or death
When someone handed me the measure of distance
And now I am lost.
I was playing in my childhood hour without hate or love
When some handed me a gift from god,
Excited I opened it, without hesitation or knowledge of fear.
Inside was a layer of skin made of guilt and promise that I would have to learn to wear and now my body doesn’t know how to feel or act.
All the endless possibility that I felt before that day where placed on two points on the map of my body.
I lost so much in one day and I would keep losing.
Those were the rules.
So I sat there,
sealed lips,
listening to my God play my *****
And when my eyes would wander my skin would burn and my bones would rattle.
They had forgot to tell me that he was a jealous god.
But I learned faster then even they could imagine.
My hunger learned first to feast only on his body and his blood
and soon it became all I needed.
Desire was disappearing and my heart was grey.
But I knew from my lessons that sadness was the source of a blessed progress.
And soon my hands could not find themselves to my body
so they held each other
afraid to fall into a concrete nothingness .
And now that I have found another pair of hands and your body
My god feels cheated
And all I know to do is throw my god inside of you.
May 21, 2014
May 21, 2014 at 1:52 AM UTC
I finally found you and the feeling i have been trying to describe to the air between the pages
You have been writing everything i've been reading
even before i knew your name was the sound of love
Always wondering who my favorite poets where describing
What shadows were shaping their words
And who they were dipping their pens into
And now i know because i find myself hidden in your signature
Sometimes written in your blood sometimes in mine
As you find a way to mix them and whisper back to me
May 21, 2014
May 21, 2014 at 1:39 AM UTC
love is like a nourishing flame
that I chooses to endure
a star dead from the start
moving towards infinite suicide
I frantically search for that thin line of horizon
where the sea breaks from the sky
but the sun burns my vision
and instead I'm left with a blurry heart.
While waking and sleeping in this electric pain
I dream for our ashes
hoping that one day we'll be light enough for me to blow us away
and start over somewhere with only enough of me left for myself.
May 21, 2014
May 21, 2014 at 1:35 AM UTC
It's hard to believe we live in a time when people make arrangements for their own deaths, buying up plots like they're buying mattresses.
We give up our lives so hastily, and create small deaths for ourselves in our day to day actions.
And all I can do is watch and wait as the cemeteries grow older and greener.
May 21, 2014
May 21, 2014 at 1:31 AM UTC
The colors change, but i never do.
The butterfly has no memory of crawling towards itself
Never questioning its transformation It lives ITS DAY
flying into the sunset with the sunrise on its back.
And I know i would give up all those years in the shadow of a dark knowledge to feel one day of that warmth
as the colors fill my lungs,
And i realize there is peace in drowning.
May 21, 2014
May 21, 2014 at 1:29 AM UTC
i sit here staring into empty space
feeling the absence of the void
makes me feel more alone
i sit here staring at the wall
watching the calendar play executioner
as it hangs the days.
hearing the clock moving in circles
never hitting the same place twice
always changing in circles
while i'm forced to walk the straight path
where the cliff awaits,
absent of a void beneath it.
May 21, 2014
May 21, 2014 at 1:27 AM UTC