2012 was the worst year of my life
my best friend betrayed me
my heart was broken 16 times
the people closest to me caused all of it
i wanted to take my own life but
the thing is suicide takes a lot of courage and
i had none
2013 my best friend came to me crying
her life was falling apart
she had to take anti-depressants
no one understood what was going on
she apologized for breaking my heart
i told her she was partially forgiven
i pieced her back together
2014 i feel no emotion
i can still laugh but my heart feels no joy
sometimes i think that feeling nothing is a gift but
i’m only fooling myself
without emotion how the hell can i live?
before all the heartbreak it was impossible to feel hate
now that’s all i am
Sep 21, 2014
Sep 21, 2014 at 2:00 PM UTC
why is it
that at the end of every summer
i finally accept my
reality?
Aug 11, 2014
Aug 11, 2014 at 5:32 AM UTC
have you ever
just looked at someone
and thought,
***my ******* god i adore you***
i adore every ******* ounce.
i adore your bones and your soul.
but I’m a loser, who just doesn't wanna lose you.
***i can lose ******* everything, but not you. oh god. not you.***
Jul 4, 2014
Jul 4, 2014 at 2:40 AM UTC
"Hearts are wild creatures,
that's why ribs are cages."
May 18, 2014
May 18, 2014 at 9:41 AM UTC
the images
the vividness
the detail
i close my eyes
only for a moment
~
i smell the blood
and inhale the fear
i taste the innocence
then soothed his soul
he looked at me
and smiled through tears
his killer didn’t notice
my presence
i stroked her temple
and she paused
she studied her victim
and realized too late
she got up
and ran for her life
if escaping were that easy
we’d all slip into heaven
i flicked my wrist
and flames engulfed the room
she had a cold heart so
a little heat can’t do much harm
Lilith was her name
and beautiful she was… was
the thing is beauty is nothing
to me (like a white crayon)
the victim’s name is Akiva
and was angelic as his namesake
i scooped him up
the way you would a kitten
pitch black wings sprouted from
my back and carried us to the stars
“it’s not your time yet, love
now sleep. you are mine to protect ”
what he said next stopped my heart
and brought a ***** smile to my face
“i think i’m dreaming right now.
but you feel so real.
when we wake i will find you.
wait for me.”
~
Snap back to reality
May 4, 2014
May 4, 2014 at 5:36 PM UTC
there is no point to gossip
girls will be girls
can’t say the same for myself
i’d rather read a good book
draw a flower
learn a different language
understand great philosophers
train a squad dog
read to a 2 year old
poison a mime
study politics
drink fine wine
find a cure for cancer
fall on my face
break both ankles
cut my toes off
then sew them
to my shoulders
grow warts
swallow a tape worm
do ****
**** a sloth
see my point yet?
May 4, 2014
May 4, 2014 at 2:13 PM UTC
Today you were born.
Thank you for being here.
For being alive.
Making it through another year.
It does get better.
I promise.
I can’t say I Love You.
Because I don't.
But there is someone who does.
Perhaps more than one.
It’s okay if it’s just mom.
Or dad or brother or sister.
If you cut please don’t do it again.
I will tell you what I told my sister.
Put the blade to your wrist.
Hold it there.
Don’t move it.
Keep it there ‘til you aren’t upset anymore.
If you think about ending it all tonight.
Or possibly tomorrow.
Don’t.
All the events that led to this “solution”.
Write it all down.
And burn it.
If you have a broken heart.
Don’t pick up the ice cream.
Or any weapons.
It isn’t worth gaining weight.
Or the physical scars.
Curl into fetal position and cry a lot.
Don’t cry for too long.
Get up and look at yourself.
Say “It will get better.
I won’t cry for the same reason”.
Repeat until you believe.
Promise me.
If you lost someone dear.
Don’t hold it all in.
It will become too much.
Like waiting too long to ***
The mess is horrible.
The smell: pungent and nasty.
Seriously though.
Mourn but don’t get stuck in the moment.
There isn’t a time frame for healing.
But don’t let grief to be the only emotion left.
Stand and move forward with them in your heart.
The ones still here need you.
If you are happy.
Truly happy.
Not with the material things.
But with your state of mind.
With your values and virtues.
I applaud you.
Don’t let them slip free.
You have strength so put it to good use.
Lift the others who deserve it.
Don’t waste your time with idiots.
But I can’t force you to do anything.
Do what you will.
May 4, 2014
May 4, 2014 at 4:31 AM UTC
Ever since I started attending this pathetic excuse of a school
I’ve lost sight of my goals
I wanted to see the world (more specifically the museums)
And possibly some really very attractive Asian men,
Walk the entire Wall of China,
Soak in the parts of nature Man hasn’t tampered with;
I could take a picture of a leaf, put a filter on it and BAM!
I can call myself a photographer.
Maybe I might find an intelligent guy,
Have intelligent kids, keep them from falling in line with society
But no
I am stuck with puerile idiots who only act off of their hormonal urges
Half-track minds that only go half the mile and then reverse back to where it started
I don’t dare say they have potential because I might be lying
All they ever do is stare at their phones
Snapchat! Selfies!
Do it for the vine!
Dude, I’d tell you to go **** yourself with a cactus but even then
It still wouldn’t be the dumbest thing you are bound to do.
May 2, 2014
May 2, 2014 at 5:03 PM UTC