I was 5 years old the first time I fell in love
I don’t remember his name or what he looked like,
But I remember the feeling of flowers bursting from the earth,
Reborn
Determined to bloom into beautiful soft colors of pinks and yellows
When I was 10 I met a boy who lived in the sky
He could rip up houses and tear trees apart without so much as a blink,
But with that violence came a kindness like no other,
The Sun lived in him
He made me feel like the birds who soared high in the sky,
But in this fairy tale I was Icarus, and I flew too close
Unrequited love burned my wings,
And I vowed never to fly again
She was my favorite song,
She was the taste of lemonade on a hot day and the first spring rain
I was 14
I was 14 when I was swooped up into the arms of an angel
She swept me into the sky, holding my hand as we entangled ourselves in the vast constellations
Running with the Bull, swimming with Pieces
But when she let go, I awoke in a cold hospital bed,
It had been but a dream,
She had not come to save me, she was not my angel to keep
I learned to wear short sleeves exclusively and to follow my logic over my heart
No longer would I wear my softness upon my sleeve,
Love left a bitter taste in my mouth and coated the lining of my stomach where the butterflies used to flutter,
Poison floating in my lungs
I was 16 when he kissed my ****** knuckles
I was 16 when he broke through my walls like Odysseus and his Trojan Horse
Dragged me from my bed of broken hearts and dead flowers
He taught me to love, to grow once more,
Trying to save me when I did not want to be saved
I was not ready to love, I was a broken home,
Declared unsafe for inhabitants,
16 when you said to me that you didn’t understand,
That you thought we were on the same page,
But how was I to tell you that the last time I left my heart in someone else’s hands it shattered like hot glass
How was I to tell you I was made of steel and the warmth of your love only burned yourself
Studies in psychology say we do unto others what was done to us
I became the thing that had hurt me the most
No longer able to love freely,
No more would I allow my hands to become tangled in those of another lover,
I was 17 wishing to turn back the clock
Yearning for a hand to hold, but too scared to reach out and grab it
You told me you loved me,
And all I could say was, “thanks”
Apr 23, 2016
Apr 23, 2016 at 11:04 PM UTC
You asked me how I could live like this
On coffee, cigarettes and the love of someone who forgot he promised to write my name in the stars
Scribbled across the galaxy
Staining the sky with our tainted love
But I learned too late that it is the destiny of the stars to collapse
And now I am stuck craving you like a cancer patient craves the sweet release of death
To the black sky above
Nov 30, 2014
Nov 30, 2014 at 8:17 PM UTC
I love the choking addiction of nicotine and the sharp pain of your kiss
Sep 20, 2014
Sep 20, 2014 at 3:19 PM UTC
It’s cold tonight.
Even though the ghosts in the fire jump and reaches for the stars they can never touch I am still cold.
A body is pressing against mine,
I don’t know whose it is
Just that it’s not yours.
The smell his cheap cologne mix with my cigarette stained breath and earth fire
It doesn’t smell like home
It doesn’t smell like you
I can feel his hand running up and down my spine
I hate that you never touched me like that
Why didn’t you love me like that?
His arms are around me now when I see your face
You’re not looking at me
I guess I’m just a shawdow
Sep 19, 2014
Sep 19, 2014 at 9:59 PM UTC
Sweet smoke sticks to the back of my throat the way my eyes seem to be glued to you when you walk in my room
Aug 30, 2014
Aug 30, 2014 at 1:51 AM UTC
Tears burned the back of my eyes, pressure stabbing at my temples I collapsed. Touching my nose to my knees gasping.that feeling I pressed so hard to keep away came slashing through me, pushing its way out my floodgates. I felt the icebergs of my being flush themselves from my body and any solid emotion turned to liquid. Mud swamps through my ribs and runs in my veins. I can't breath. I am drowning in the sorrow that has become me
Aug 23, 2014
Aug 23, 2014 at 4:54 PM UTC
My backyard has become a graveyard of tears, headstones marked by my old smoking cigaret butts
Aug 23, 2014
Aug 23, 2014 at 4:53 PM UTC
This year it has rained countless times
But the most during the summer
When I was missing you
I can no longer cry
So I let the sky do it for me
It took all the water I had in me
To flush you out
And even now that you're gone
My lips are cracked
And my throat is drier then the Sahara
So I welcome the sweet taste of summer rain
I soak it up into my body
Through my hair
Through my toes
I'd like to think that God was doing me a favor
He gave the Sahara a rain season so that life could flourish
And I'd like to think that he saw me cracked and broken
Only a few tumble weeds and scorpions inside me
He decided I deserved the rain to wash away my pain and fill me up again
Now I can sprout my leaves
And maybe my beautiful tree
Can give shade and rest
To those like me
Aug 22, 2014
Aug 22, 2014 at 2:32 AM UTC
Even with your fingers wringing my neck
And your lips leaving bruises where they touched
Your claws ripping away at my favorite dress
To devour the skin underneath
There is no place in Heaven
Or more like in Hell
I'd rather be
Aug 22, 2014
Aug 22, 2014 at 2:17 AM UTC
I'm always so jealous of thunder
Cause no matter how much it screams and wails in anger
The lightning will always be there
To show that even in the dead of night
When the sky is crying
There is always fire and light
Aug 22, 2014
Aug 22, 2014 at 2:06 AM UTC