Back and forth.
Back and forth.
Every step forward
means two backward.
Some people get stuck in a cycle
going 'round and 'round;
living a dangerous life style -
it's all they've been around.
The vicious cycle is real for me
and even though I am aware of it
that doesn't make the fighting easy,
it truly feels like it's not fair. Is it?
Why, in those crucial moments,
does my conscience step aside?
Watching as I make no sense
in the choices that I decide.
The cycle truly does control me
no matter how hard I fight back
the addiction takes hold of me
coming on like a panic attack.
One day I feel tough as nails
high hopes on meeting my goal
then negativity tells its tales
defeating my determined soul.
Constant reminders and triggers
and people who forget to try.
Honestly, I feel that it figures
inside we all just want to fly.
Like an elastic, I go back and forth,
one day there's hope, the next defeat
I may never know my true worth
unless the cycle, I can beat.
Two steps forward
no steps backward.
Move forward.
Move forward.
May 19, 2017
May 19, 2017 at 10:20 PM UTC
Back and forth.
Back and forth.
Every step forward
means two backward.
Some people get stuck in a cycle
going 'round and 'round;
living a dangerous life style -
it's all they've been around.
The vicious cycle is real for me
and even though I am aware of it
that doesn't make the fighting easy,
it truly feels like it's not fair. Is it?
Why, in those crucial moments,
does my conscience step aside?
Watching as I make no sense
in the choices that I decide.
The cycle truly does control me
no matter how hard I fight back
the addiction takes hold of me
coming on like a panic attack.
One day I feel tough as nails
high hopes on meeting my goal
then negativity tells its tales
defeating my determined soul.
Constant reminders and triggers
and people who forget to try.
Honestly, I feel that it figures
inside we all just want to fly.
Like an elastic, I go back and forth,
one day there's hope, the next defeat
I may never know my true worth
unless the cycle, I can beat.
Two steps forward
no steps backward.
Move forward.
Move forward.
May 19, 2017
May 19, 2017 at 10:20 PM UTC
Not even close to who I thought I'd be,
feels like everyone is looking at me,
expecting more than what comes easily;
I can't give them what they want to see.
Relief does not come to me, it seems so,
that through motions of grief I must go.
Feeling pain so deep, feeling so low,
when it will stop, I do not know.
I feel changed down in my very core;
everything is feeling ever so sore.
I gave up on trying to keep score,
nothing seems to matter anymore.
All the things I used to want are gone
it used to matter, but now, so long.
Things do change and I was wrong
it seems after all, I'm not very strong.
It turns out that I am no longer the same
turning the tables on life's silly game.
I can't even say my mother's name
and there's no one in this world to blame.
Grief changes things, especially time,
as moments go slow or quick as a dime.
Wishing, thinking everything is fine
but really I'm drowning myself in wine.
Feb 14, 2017
Feb 14, 2017 at 12:19 AM UTC
I remember clearly the bright blue sky
as we played games of "Mother May I?"
And I always managed to forget to ask;
I was too excited to complete the task!
I remember clearly your smile and laugh
as we made our way through the path
to pick blueberries to turn into a treat
something sweet that we all liked to eat.
I remember clearly your warm embrace
on days I felt like life was a lot to take
you always listened with endless patience
to any ramble or rant of silly frustration
I remember clearly the proudest mother
three lovely kids, one after another.
I know I am strong, because you were, too.
I'll remember forever because I love you.
Feb 3, 2017
Feb 3, 2017 at 2:07 PM UTC
All my life I've tried to provide for others
I've kept trying to put people back together;
I ride the tide of their most stormy weather,
but I have yet to actually make anyone better.
I failed because I never knew where to begin.
I learned over time we must heal ourselves within
before helping broken people as a mission
but even that simple beginning, I can't win.
Shattered into pieces, I know not how many years,
only that I cannot remember a time without tears.
The struggle is more than real, it's all my fears
and there's total misunderstanding amongst peers.
All I ever wanted was to make another whole,
to reach out to someone and fix their broken soul.
It was foolish of me to try and it has taken a toll
leaving me empty, miserable and with no goal.
I don't think I can ever mend myself right,
I keep trying, but I never win the fight.
Every now and then I think I see the light
only to watch it dissipate into the night.
I stay awake thinking deeply about our world
and how I am merely but one broken girl
searching through waste, looking for a pearl
but whisked away in defeat as it whirls.
If I can't save myself, or anyone at all,
I'm not sure I'll ever be able to stand tall.
I will weep until the day I crumble and fall,
knowing I couldn't change a thing, nothing at all.
Dec 12, 2016
Dec 12, 2016 at 7:55 PM UTC
Shocked and appalled to discover the truth -
an adult man who’s always looking at youth;
admiring pictures of girls who are too young,
I feel like this man should be shot at or hung.
We all have preferences and to each their own,
but the law states a person must be full-grown
before you start creeping pics on your phone
otherwise it’s in jail your *** will be thrown.
These girls seem to have zero self-respect
or don’t think about gross men getting *****
at images of their various juvenile parts,
either way, these young girls have no smarts.
I’m sad to say, I thought I knew this man well,
only to discover that he is sickening as Hell.
I’m glad to say, though, that at least I’m aware,
because I’ll do all I can to stop it; I swear.
Oct 5, 2016
Oct 5, 2016 at 3:11 PM UTC
Uncertainty;
A nagging feeling in the pit of your belly
eating away at any remaining sanity
as you question everything constantly.
It is sweaty palms and legs that are shaky
short breaths from a chest closed tightly
as you live calamity after calamity.
It is fear of the unknown possibilities
that plague each day with negativity
as it eternally resides in me entirely;
uncertainty.
Sep 30, 2016
Sep 30, 2016 at 11:16 AM UTC
There are days my eyes open to a world of possibility
and days where my eyes remain shut to responsibility.
There are days where I'm confident in my infallibility,
but then come the days where I am filled with inability.
Some days I feel like I am the epitome of viability
only to experience a different day full of volatility.
Constantly, there are days that fill me with tranquility,
until the next day comes that's filled with hostility.
For certain, though, life is not know for its amenability,
but rather, life is known for all its desirability.
Sep 14, 2016
Sep 14, 2016 at 2:13 PM UTC
We’re all looking at the world through our own windows
getting personal prospective on the way the world goes.
See the obstacles that are meant to keep us on our toes,
some people react but most just watch, like TV shows.
We all have a choice when it comes to ending world woes
and sadly, too many people sit oblivious as trouble grows;
ignorant, in bliss, while the ever-growing **** storm blows.
People getting high while world tragedy reaches new lows
because being naïve cowards was the life they chose;
they’d rather shoot up and sleep on piles of ***** clothes
than step up and take action against all the world’s foes.
I’ve decided that it’s my time, and to start I must propose
that we come together, step out from hiding in shadows
and work diligently at determining what we must expose
and work endlessly to change the fact that people dispose
information on world issues that happen under our nose.
I'm going to react to my prospective to see how it goes
because I am **** tired of watching chaos from my windows.
Sep 14, 2016
Sep 14, 2016 at 11:03 AM UTC
You choose to ignore my invisible illness
or maybe you believe it doesn't control me,
But either way I'm betting ignorance is bliss,
because you choose not to understand me.
All I want are all the little things that matter,
like a surprise visit, a concerned call,
or an honest compliment that flatters,
because these things I value over all.
I do not want jewelry or material things,
as they do not ignite flames in my heart.
I am not a trophy wife looking for being,
but a compassionate being that wants spark.
I have expressed appreciate for so much
despite the sadness that is a part of me,
especially whenever I'm granted your touch,
because that's the kind of caring that has validity.
If you truly love the woman you're with,
I hope you decide to really understand
that all I need from you is a random kiss
and to feel the warmth of your hand.
Money, and all it can buy, is ********
The important things are late night walks,
a calming voice when I'm having an anxiety fit,
and interesting deep conversation talks.
If you are hoping you could buy me off,
you are horrible mistaken, my dear.
So please, if you find me "too soft",
Then I'll ask that you steer clear
Jan 14, 2016
Jan 14, 2016 at 12:12 PM UTC