the greatest thing about observing
is that you'll see something different
every time you look
Feb 25, 2014
Feb 25, 2014 at 3:19 PM UTC
listen to me, dear.
please cover your eyes
and cover your ears.
i want you to see me, dear
with your being;
not your eyes so clear.
a fool is what lust makes.
strain this sensation
until your heart aches.
sense me, darling
my body next to yours—
a stone carving.
my god, your eyes,
your beating heart,
your warmth like the sunrise.
inhale me as I approach you.
let me sit inside your lungs
and breathe me out anew.
I want to say something like
"how lovely", "how fascinating"
or "kiss me whenever"
but it's most efficient
to summarize my feelings as
"I enjoy you as much as myself"
may i ask you a question?
what do you think of the phrase
"I need you"?
is it silly of a narcissist
to care about someone
more than themselves?
maybe if we hold hands,
I won't feel inconspicuous
and oddly lonely.
let's look at each other
until I think only of you
and nothing of me.
so listen to me, dear.
please cover your eyes
and cover your ears.
I'll be sure to tell you
what I tell myself;
only what we want to hear.
Feb 21, 2014
Feb 21, 2014 at 11:18 PM UTC
I’m very tired of working past my capability
I know I deserve to be happy, but I’m not
I know I need to fix this on my own
Even if someone were to dry my tears,
they could not heal my heart
I’ve been watching you treat me as anyone else
Like you aren’t my best friend and I’m not yours
When you do these things, even the little things,
like post that someone else is your “best friend”,
or hangout without me, it hurts a lot
But I know now, for sure
I can’t depend on other people to be there for me
I can’t expect people to care the way I do
or be considerate and thoughtful
I know now, for the last time
I will not depend on you
I will not expect you to care the way I did
or be considerate and thoughtful as I was
I know now that I am better off
treating you as anyone else
and caring about you only as a person
Don’t take it to heart, and I know you won’t,
because nothing can be done from here
My hope in this friendship has worn away
Not on it’s own, but it is a little late now
To apologize would be gracious and appreciated,
but it wouldn’t change my feelings
I would like to be able to thank you
for all those years we’ve conquered,
but I can’t, because there is very much I regret
I know I will be happy someday
and I know you may not be there to see it
So I will instead look to myself
I will depend on myself and thank myself
for my aspirations, interests, talents,
appearance, knowledge, and open-mindedness
as you didn’t deem necessary to do
I will push myself at my own will
I will look in the mirror and be satisfied
I will write out my feelings and fix physically
all that I find unappealing
I will appreciate myself and honor myself
as a human being, like everyone else
I will put myself first as I haven’t before
And I will be happy without a best friend
Nov 22, 2013
Nov 22, 2013 at 4:33 PM UTC
i feel aged
i feel ruined
i feel the greatest depths of the ocean
i feel the plummeting canyons
and dark trenches
i feel worn
i feel useless
i feel alone in all forms of the word
i feel completely exhausted of life
and of a sane state of mind
i feel a vacant ache
i feel an inky bruise
i feel the indelible marks
left by every word to exit your mouth
which have struck me so firmly in the back
i feel discordant eyes upon me
i feel you avert your gaze as I draw near
i feel the rise of your heart in your chest
and the wave of emotion from your soul
but not mine
i feel
i feel
i feel
i feel too much
yet i feel nothing at all
Oct 26, 2013
Oct 26, 2013 at 9:32 PM UTC
I can see now
this overachieving descent.
I'll never know how
to regain my composure.
Life has torn down
my self-assured structure.
Please, remain still.
Trust my eyes; if not that,
my predetermined will.
Condensed 'till an overflow
in my mind is my walk.
Each step I take drags me further, though
never far enough to talk.
This can't be love—
this heavy feeling in my chest.
Not hell beneath, nor the clouds above
would put me to this test.
A flightless bird
is what I've become.
To be encased by words
is pain I wish upon no one.
Seems there's nothing more to do
but lie, sleep, and wake.
I'm tired of these nightmares
irking my sanity to break.
I wish someone would wake me,
but I'm alone at heart.
Please, look into my eyes and see
my smile is a talentless art.
Oct 1, 2013
Oct 1, 2013 at 6:38 PM UTC
i keep looking for something
that doesn't exist.
it's like turning the pages
of an empty notebook
in hopes to find a journal entry
that has yet to be written.
i have an undying sense of fear for
something i cannot see, nor touch, nor hear;
i believe this fear is that
you're more fiction than fact.
Jun 23, 2013
Jun 23, 2013 at 11:18 PM UTC
there are not four walls.
there are no gates,
nor hedges,
nor bricks.
yet, i find myself
undeniably and demeaningly so
trapped.
this state of drowsiness
is not something
i awoke to,
but rather something
i slipped into
to get comfortable whilst awaiting
death.
i wake and
i fall as anyone else might, but
i do not inhale the gusts of warmth,
nor cringe at the bitter drops
of sky against my tongue.
an empty shell is all
i can imagine myself to be.
these curiosities and
these expectancies
were once mine, but drifted away.
their trail is buried in the ashes
of an old dream.
i'd like more than anything to
feel your gentle pulse against mine, but
i determine this heart unworthy,
since each beat has become a part
of this fated hell.
Jun 4, 2013
Jun 4, 2013 at 7:33 PM UTC
ninety-eight degrees.
one single minute of blood rushing to the heart.
calmly, you turn away
and resume your day.
i'm aware that your pulse
is more regular than mine.
you flashed a brilliant smile
and forced your thoughts upon my own.
my heart was a lovely red
and the sky was my home.
soon later, i saw the darkness you saw in others.
this darkness is quite the affliction.
it is a prescription gone horribly wrong;
costly and effective in ways i wasn't aware.
you see, it is a drug
but it is more so a shovel.
eyes shut, i create my own spot within the earth.
not six feet, not ten, not thirty
but a quaint place exculsively
for my ninety-eight degrees
and my darkness.
subconciously, i've allowed layer upon layer of earth
to compact upon me until i could not feel
one single minute of blood rushing to the heart.
ah, but your obligation has saved me.
you reminded me of how
my ninety-eight degrees, my darkness, and my blood
flows ultimately the same as everyone elses.
you must be a saint to leave me in this quaint spot,
beneath these compact layers of earth.
you set me down gingerly
and strode away with my heart.
my body is here,
but my mind is in the dark.
so thank you for allowing
these roots to wrap themselves around my back.
what an astounding notion
to paint my heart black.
for now i see the benefit in the game.
flying is overrated,
and to feel is a shame.
May 31, 2013
May 31, 2013 at 11:36 PM UTC
Do you ever want someone's
arms around you so needily,
you feel alone without them?
You want their voice to
fill your thoughts to the brim
but instead,
you are empty.
Their love should warm you,
but you are without it;
cold and lifeless.
May 10, 2013
May 10, 2013 at 8:47 PM UTC
you, to me are
warm hot cocoa
and staring deep
into a flickering fire
you, to me are
drops of rain that bring
cool serenity to my
hair and skin and bone.
you, to me are
beams of sun that
soak me to the core
and fill me with
hope for another day.
you, to me
is not as i to you.
what good is it if
i compare these thoughts for you?
no, i can't help you see.
i can't help you breathe.
i can't help you think.
i am empty space.
i am writer's block.
i am confusion.
i am really no help and
no good at all.
you, to me are
warmth and
serenity and
hope -
and i for you,
would do anything.
May 5, 2013
May 5, 2013 at 8:27 PM UTC