sandra-alexis
“They Constantly Told Me That My First Love Would Be A Handsome Boy Who'd Save Me Or A Pretty Girl Who'd Hold Me. So I Searched The World For Another, Never Knowing That My First Love Should've Been Me” / / “To be great is to be misunderstood.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson / / Enjoy...
Ok, I get the message
I guess my feelings, to you, were pretentious
I dont know what i was expecting
I was just fishing for affection
Seems like im often unprotected
And oftentimes become relentless
Nowadays im so restless
I always have a heart on my sleeve
But my mind is demented
of all these people that took advantage
of me
I should’ve demanded a fee
I guess my own disadvantage was me
Feb 14, 2021
Feb 14, 2021 at 5:05 AM UTC
What do I have to do to be the one?
I speak from my heart
But all it does is makes you drift apart.
I thought what we were making was genuine But was I even yours to begin?
I gave you my soul.
You took a piece now I'm missing a hole.
Only you can fill that void but every time I hear your voice I can't even move my mouth to make a noise..
So I get a little faded hoping it would give me courage and it doesn't, I'm sure.
You say you I mean the world to you but to me you're the universe.
I care too much about you it hurts.
I'm paranoid about you; who is she?
**** never mind. That's my insecurities.
Me or them?
How do I win?
Oct 25, 2017
Oct 25, 2017 at 11:12 PM UTC
He was amazing. Which sort of scared me. Everything I've ever wanted was sitting right next to me holding my hand. I just starred at him gazing off as he spoke, watching his lips move. My pulse kept racing as the rain poured down harder and for a second I finally felt like the girls in the movies. Everything was so perfect in this moment and in this exact moment I wanted it to last forever. What could this turn into? Of course I wanted it to be love but could he see himself loving me? Could he ever think that I could be the one? Or was I just a fulfillment for something he was missing... someone he was missing. But that's just my insecurities jumping to conclusions. I was supposed to be saying all the amazing things about him but somehow I just got off track.
Oct 23, 2017
Oct 23, 2017 at 1:12 PM UTC
I've missed you
I can't wait to get back to you
I know I said I hated you
But can I still have you?
Apr 29, 2017
Apr 29, 2017 at 11:41 AM UTC
I always wondered how I could get so broken
You never listened to the words that were spoken
Telling me I'm the one but why was I chosen?
You admired me but not my devotion
I don't understand how I got so open
For you to act right, that's what I was hoping
But every time you ****** up and I exploded
I got so angry and started spillin' my raw emotion
Played and used like a token
All the love I gave you, I'm revoking
This poem I'm loathing
**** I need to get back focused
Jan 23, 2017
Jan 23, 2017 at 4:41 PM UTC
Years later and my thoughts still flutter
I don't know why but I wonder
What'd it be like if we didn't stutter
'Cus now I keep closing my heart like shutters
Too young to know what love really was
Too young to know what love really does
But I do know I was a fool for you
There wasn't anything do wouldn't do for you
I talked about you like diamonds
No matter how hard it was I kept trying
The good, the bad, the ugly
I'd do whatever it took for you to love me
No I didn't want to end it
But we had to stop pretending
Now I only see you in the rear
Our love is a box of souvenirs
Aug 18, 2016
Aug 18, 2016 at 12:06 AM UTC
It's not that I'm blaming you
It's not that I'm shaming you
I'm trying to fit the pieces in my mind,
So I could keep from framing you.
I don't know what religion is
Who or what to believe in
Hot 'n cold,
My faith changes like the seasons.
Our puzzle pieces scrambled
I swear I had it handled
Somewhere along the way,
We flew off the handle.
Landed feet first
You would've thought my feet hurt
But I slipped on gravel,
And ****** up my t-shirt
May 19, 2016
May 19, 2016 at 2:57 PM UTC
He was everything I loved
And everything I hated
He kept saying he loves me
Just to keep me sedated
He told me the sweetest tales
Only to unveil
My body's greatest secrets
And my minds biggest regrets
He warped my mind to see a vision
They tried to tell me but I wouldn't listen
He promised me everything I could ever imagine
Anything I asked for he made it happen
Then I had to repay him
What I know now, I wish I knew then
His tales became gruesome
As my body grew with bruises
He said his name was Lucky but spelled it like "Luci"
And Fer like a mink
Dear God... please forgive me
I should've never danced with the devil
Apr 15, 2016
Apr 15, 2016 at 8:38 AM UTC
There is this light. Shining so bright it sort of hurt your eyes at first. Then you get used to it and slowly but surely you open your eyes wide enough to see the beauty that stood before you. Something so simple but so hard to obtain was literally standing in front of me. It almost felt unrealistic until I realized the only person making it unreal was me. Still I couldn't understand how to get it or what it would really feel like. Almost as if I was scared to experience it. Anything I ever touched that was beautiful turned to stone. Leaving it only to be a memory or something to gaze at. So how do I grab this magnificent light that was in front of me holding a magnitude that was unexplainable. I had no idea and I was afraid. Afraid of trying or afraid of feeling; I still don't know. Maybe I was too comfortable sitting in the shadows looking in from the outside. Manipulating myself to believe it was just an illusion to dreamers and the hopefuls. Or maybe I simply wouldn't know how to enjoy this light. I wanted to... I want to. But the longer I took, the further away this light seemed to be. I tried pulling myself away from the shadows but it was latched deep, too deep into my body, my veins, and especially my mind. Maybe it was the anxiety. The fear. The insecurity. The doubt. The uncertainty... of the whole thing not being genuine. And I knew that if I didn't try, I'd never know.
Jan 29, 2016
Jan 29, 2016 at 7:02 PM UTC
I just let you tell me that I needed to change myself
Instead of telling you how I felt
I wish I had a wishing well
So I could wish you well
They say only time could tell
Well..
It told me alot
It told me that I'm no longer needed in this spot
As much as I did for you, it costs alot
Which caused alot
I see what you wanted you got
But you really didn't care
As long as you got your share
You didn't care to spare
It's not really fair
Either way I've paid my fare
As much as I would love to feel
I have no cards left to deal
Jan 14, 2016
Jan 14, 2016 at 1:23 AM UTC