go ahead
and worship yourself once in awhile
let the breeze come and, once in awhile,
remember how to stand -
check your posture, shoulders back, feet apart
and if all you see is cobblestone or pavement or dying brown grass,
look up
remember how to be valiant
check your heart rate
feel your fingertips
loosen the knots in your eyebrows
open your throat
remember the way sunsets look and that puppies and butterflies and popcorn exist
go ahead
and buy yourself flowers
once in awhile
buy a bouquet or seven
fill up a vase with water and let them drink love
place them on your windowsill or
coffee table
or bedside table
but remember to smell them every time you walk by
and once in awhile
buy someone else flowers
or chocolate or honey or a brand new notebook or coffee
make them feel special and important
remind them that tenderness is the root of peace
and you'll remember that tenderness is the root of peace
go ahead
and head outside
if it's raining, get wet, if it's chilly, greet each goosebump with a deep breath
and remember, once in awhile,
your eyes rain and your heart floods and they wash away whatever hurt comes
you are a rocket, baby, you are a fresh hardcover book sitting on a cafe table ready to be read, you are a tree trunk so wide, people must gather around you and hold hands to hug your circumference,
you are bright yellow rain boots, love, you are red pink white roses and lilacs and lavender and the entire flower bed,
you are the sunset, sweetie, the puppies and the butterflies and the popcorn and the peace
so, once in awhile, baby, worship yourself
go ahead
and worship yourself
May 23, 2014
May 23, 2014 at 9:10 PM UTC
Grandmother Willow said
listen to your heart, you will understand
but when it pounds all I want to do is run
my heart says so many things
one minute it's telling me to climb a tree as high as the branches let me
the next it says hook line and sinker
and when I'm with someone beautiful, it says
nothing, it just
flutters and pitter patters
Mulan was always my favourite because
she had her heart broken and still
She Saved China
all on her own
my heart breaks like twigs and crumbles like dry
stiff leaves
in Autumn
and my heart is also a rubber ball that bounces from
one place to the next
too rapidly,
I forget where I am
and where I just was a moment before I ended up
wherever I ended up
my heart is like ice and sometimes if you are the right temperature,
it will melt for you
my heart is aware of fallacy and sometimes if you try to coax it,
everything I ever felt for you
won't exist anymore
a few months ago I was sitting at the back of
a midnight bus
in my hometown,
with a hippie headband on, accompanied with braids,
a long dress and moccasins of black suede
when a drunk teenager pointed and hollered directly at my face,
"you look like Pocahontas, how many John Smiths love you?"
I don't get angry anymore
I just get tired
my heart goes to sleep for days and wakes up at
the sudden gong of recognition
in eye contact
that lasts longer than just a few seconds;
my heart awakens at sunsets,
when I am sitting in a tree alone
and it awakens each time I successfully skip a stone
I've always thought highly of the two
disney cartoons
and it's not just because they can fire a harpoon
it's something like embodying the female
self-assurance,
strength of the soul,
embracing solitude like wind on a stroll
heart strong from a softening,
heart loved from singing just for singing
heart open like eye contact
that lasts longer than
just a few seconds
Feb 17, 2014
Feb 17, 2014 at 3:33 AM UTC
something unexpected yet so ordinary happened
last night
it made me wonder how exactly and
why exactly
the ordinary parts of my life are often so
extraordinary
that extraordinary, to me, has to be more than
exceptionally marvellous and nowhere near far from
outstandingly incredible
some people call it high standards,
like the top step of the ladder
I thought
last night was incredible
because you kiss exactly like how I kiss and the shock fluttered
like bits of confetti and glitter on my tongue and lips and
all over my goosebumpy skin
the cadency of my heart was somehow simultaneously
rampant and rested
my body fully invested
in yours
my body completely suggesting
it’s yours
to touch, to make feel good, to adore
the divine woman, curved and open
eyes and skin glowing
arousal growing
bodies non-existent, spirit flowing
exceptionally marvellous
I jitter in silence, knowing myself
and patterns alike
I try to throw away this burdening muddy stick of
I-always-end-up-getting-sick
of things eventually
but obviously
it’s easier to neglect the fact
that this stick is a boomerang
and it always comes right back
Feb 3, 2014
Feb 3, 2014 at 7:14 PM UTC
we have the same freckle on the same palm
right hand, below the thumb
you’ve got a fake parrot in your bathroom
and I grew up with one in mine, a jungle bathroom my mother painted
if you owned measuring cups, the cookies would have tasted
more like sugar and less like soap
we watched 68% of Hercules and 90% of Pocahontas
then it was suddenly 5AM and I made you stay awake with me
kisses were soft
I taught you how to make someone feel good by grazing your fingertips
up and down their arm, wrist to the shoulder
you shivered and your eyes glazed over
the affection gave me goosebumps
the guitar gave me nostalgia
you said you’re moving to london soon
I said I was so excited for you
you said you needed to get your life in order instead of swoon over some girl
I hate and I love always being that girl
you own a lady bed with rhinestones on it
you said they messed up the order but you kept it anyway
I giggled
we cuddled
you fell asleep
I listened to you snore
I left to go to work
I think you're sweet
and I’m sorry that I don’t care if I never see you again
Jan 17, 2014
Jan 17, 2014 at 2:24 PM UTC
today I didn't do anything but I cried
so perhaps I did more
than the average person did
I watched too many movies
but if I told you the number I might get embarrassed
and I cried when Robert De Niro cried
he reminds me a lot of my dad
especially in the movie I watched with his four kids that move away from home
and constantly lie to him about their lives
oh that's a lot like what my brothers and I do
we just don't wanna worry him, y'know
I spent most of my day in bed
let's say 75%
I went outside
but that was only to buy groceries
with the money I don't technically have
my mother wanted to call
but I didn't respond
somedays you just don't feel like talking and pretending
everything is alright
sometimes you need a day where everything's not alright so that you can figure out that everything indeed is alright
and if you're wondering, I've come around to the brighter side, despite
the ****** weather and my lazy body
my body might not forgive me yet
for all the **** I've put it through
it's mostly to do with secrets and regrets
there are some things I'll easily forget until my body gets sick
and it always gets sick
and I still haven't quite gotten the hang of
sleep
and what it really means
I'll get too little and drink too much coffee
or I'll get too much and eat too much
I have a friend visiting from another city this week
he reminds me what clarity means
and what resilience means
and what inner beauty means
and I think I'd like to have a picnic in the park with him
maybe lay in the breeze and soak up the sun
he's sixty but he looks forty and numbers don't mean a thing
which is why I've decided to admit
that I watched 8 movies today
Jan 12, 2014
Jan 12, 2014 at 8:38 AM UTC
my lips purse to meet you
you are like champagne
unopened
are you sweet or are you bitter
are you spoiled
are you a winner
take a beat from my heart,
it accelerates and strengthens
if you pluck an eyelash from me
I’ll remember how to cry again
— and just in case you’re wondering,
I’m still inclined to hold my own hand
guess what
I bought this cactus
‘cos I don’t have to care much for it
we both know
I can’t admit I can’t commit
to letting something bloom
but I’m hoping you won’t notice
see my green thumb,
I am caring!
but see the cactus…
I am lying…
Jan 8, 2014
Jan 8, 2014 at 7:42 AM UTC
pick and choose, they say,
just because you didn't catch the bouquet
doesn't mean it's okay to reel in a bucket of that many fishies
and not set even one free
you don't need that many fishies, they say
but I insist on upgrading my aquarium each and every day
I swear there aren't two of the same
and so what if I'm a collector
so what if I like the way it feels
so what if boredom stabs and I need a refreshment
so what if I don't understand commitment
because they have feelings, they say,
so it doesn't make it okay!
Jan 5, 2014
Jan 5, 2014 at 2:51 AM UTC
difficult is sleeping with you
effortless is making love
shy is the moment after realizing I’m being too quiet in clarity
for you to feel comfortable
clarity is when I tell you the late evening sun lowers its golden tint
on everything and makes the leaves look vibrant green
and if it were to be one of those funny named colours in a paint swatch, it’d be
"I’m Alive! Green"
frustrated is when I see two pillowcases of identical fabric,
one more faded than the other,
and fail to explain why I’m not sure if the metaphor is sad or not
intricate is the way my mind is built
fragile is the way my heart is
heavy is when I talk about how rarely I cry
phoney is when I laugh about crying at a season finale to cover it up
beautiful is what you remind me I am
insecure is when I talk too much
comfort is eating lots of food
comfort is not eating food
disappointment is when I change my mind about your company
horror is asking you to leave
anxious is the way I feel when you are asleep beside me
frivolous is the pillow talk
juvenile is my babbling
fast is my heartbeat
enigma is what you keep calling me
Dec 23, 2013
Dec 23, 2013 at 9:59 PM UTC
people say they lose people
& things
& that they also lose themselves
and other people say there is nothing to lose
because there was nothing to have
in the first place
some people say their new job
is making them lose
their soul
some people lose their keys
in-between couch cushions
but I think the hurt lays
between
the forgetting
and the remembering
forgetting how to feel the way you felt
once
upon
a
time
& then remembering
parts;
bits and pieces of moments
unable to stitch it back up
in its most authentic form
loss
is just the realization
of change
with fear inside of it
but then again,
some people really do lose their keys
in-between couch cushions.
Dec 22, 2013
Dec 22, 2013 at 6:04 PM UTC
I look behind me
& you vanished all too soon,
leaving me to find the proper branch
to spin up a cocoon
& wait
for something
magnificent
to happen
I think you are magnificent
but I know I shouldn’t so I’d better not
& I’m sorry the sun burns your skin
but your hands burn mine
& every time I look behind me
you’re always gone
& if I look beside me
you’re holding someone’s hand
but it’s never mine
& though I understand love dies
sometimes it goes on, hopelessly inside
someone like me
broken and battered and sanguine still
someone who anticipates her empty heart
to be filled
& I keep looking behind me
as if you’ve just slowed down to tie your shoe
but I never pay attention to what’s coming ahead
& crash into cars and walls instead
Dec 16, 2013
Dec 16, 2013 at 7:33 AM UTC