It's hard to get over them
When spoken words remind me of those days
When men were boys who had no toys
postures and behaviors trigger
Yes, they trigger me
Figures, I can not trust this space
Smells take me back to the places,
I see faces and shapes that wait
I promise the truth when I say
'I'm not overreacting,
but my mind and body are."
Jul 7, 2017
Jul 7, 2017 at 9:52 AM UTC
After all I did for you, I will not take this...
...How dare you?
-Pride
Jun 20, 2017
Jun 20, 2017 at 2:22 PM UTC
"I love you"
~trigger warning~
does He mean it or is it just to say?
He stares at me
~trigger warning~
He leans in
I feel uncomfortable
~trigger warning~
"I CAN'T"
I screamed as I pushed him away
This takes me back yesterday
Jun 20, 2017
Jun 20, 2017 at 11:14 AM UTC
Death seems to come closer as the days are over
Jun 20, 2017
Jun 20, 2017 at 10:23 AM UTC
My eyes hurt because I force myself to keep them open.
When I close my eyes I see scenes I cant forget,
I have regrets.
I'm a sinner and yet,
I complain.
I complain that people don't remember my name.
I complain when I get the wrong order.
I complain about life.
But I'm grateful for the strength in my legs.
For my legs that support my body when walking.
The ability to hold a pen and write.
Sense of humor, friends, family and air.
I am thankful for my eyes,
they help me see.
Not just see what I have now,
also what in the future will be.
Jun 12, 2017
Jun 12, 2017 at 3:15 PM UTC
Unspoken words flow through my pen
They are the tear that cannot leave my eyes
And thoughts that linger to the halls of my mind
Trying to find ways out without doors to meet
I'm blue but words beat me up until I'm black
Scars that remind me its real
Bruised by life's ways
Most days,
I cannot take it
That's when I bleed on pages
Samantha | © 2017
Jun 8, 2017
Jun 8, 2017 at 9:43 AM UTC
She felt the pressure to push me out
that's how I was born
I felt the pressure to complete
but I failed
I felt pressure to say yes
I felt pressure,
Pressure to succeed
Pressure to make them happy
Pressure, parents have no idea
Pressure. . . Panic. . .pressure
I felt pressure to allow
I felt pressure to permit
Pressure I felt
Pressure to go along
Pressure to be someone else
Pressure I give in
Pressure I give up
Pressure messed me up
Apr 4, 2017
Apr 4, 2017 at 2:55 PM UTC
I knew I was good when they asked me
"What's good?" and I paused
I paused for way to long
My go-to answer was nothing new
but now there was a lot of new
What would I mention, what would I share?
With him still waiting for my response I smiled
And all I could say was "A lot" and walk away smiling
Feb 23, 2017
Feb 23, 2017 at 12:31 PM UTC
For the past days I've thought about a lot of things
Lately there have been many announcements,
from baby showers to wedding rings
Not that I'm looking for any of that at the moment
I just realized that I've been less focused
Distracted by what I want
blind for what I got
It's not fair
you don't get to feel what I feel
but at the end of the day you are always here
I'm slowly dying
wanting to like what you're supplying
wanting to like your personality,
your speech, drive, just you in totality
But I can't
You hurt me daily, not sure if its on purpose
You belittle me, make me feel bad about myself
never good enough and always at fault
But...
I love that your consistent, always there
I love that you physically care
I love how you push me to my limit sometimes
I love that I can be myself with you any time
How can I let go?
When I don't like you
But I love you
Feb 16, 2017
Feb 16, 2017 at 8:01 AM UTC
People don't seem to understand.
It's really something I don't have in my hand.
It's not a matter of I don't want to,
I don't feel like it or Im not in the mood.
I really have days when physically I can't move.
Try they say, show up.
Make it work and grow up.
I don't get to choose what's for today
It's the moment I wake up that I can say,
God thank you for another day.
It's a trigger, you accusing me
Of not doing my best, giving the best of me
Saying I exaggerate and am lazy
Even more when you show it daily
Im happy I know Jehovah
He is my stronghold every time I fall
Feb 16, 2017
Feb 16, 2017 at 4:37 AM UTC