i want your thunder
want your rain
i’d pick your storm
your hurricane
give me a smile
if you can
not what i need
and won’t demand
if tears are spilling
oceans filling
you can always turn to me
I’d take your pain
over sunshine anyday
Apr 5, 2018
Apr 5, 2018 at 3:19 PM UTC
Grief is not art
Not a statement
It doesn’t pile like ground shattering bricks
It is a trickling of small moments gradually building a wall
To block out the sun on the other side
Grief is the darkness when you feel most alone
Because it knows you are weak
It preys on on you like the small graze of a finger
So light you barely notice until the whole hand clamps down on your arm and you’re losing blood
Grief is the man who pours one cup of tea instead of two
Grief is the dress you picked out for her being the last you’ll ever see her wear
Grief is the tears hidden behind hands at the kitchen table
Grief is shopping for three black dresses because she wouldn’t like the first
Grief is the collection of pictures on the wall
Grief is anger in his shaking fists
Grief is knowing she’s not there
But you don’t feel it rush at you all at once
It’s a slow build of boulders on your shoulder
Until you’re crying alone in your room wishing you could see them once more
Oct 17, 2017
Oct 17, 2017 at 1:16 AM UTC
I'm always nervous that you hate me
And I wouldn't blame you
And I try to calm down
But anxiety is my best friend
Who loves to pass me notes in class that say
"They hate you"
So strong so confident
Why wouldn't I believe them?
But if you do hate me you don't say it
If you're upset you never tell me
These are what I lay awake at night afraid of
Please don't leave me i love you
I tell myself to grow up and smile
But Anxiety loves to show up in my dreams
Nightmares
And I don't wanna bother you anymore than I already do
I love you please don't hate me
Jul 7, 2017
Jul 7, 2017 at 11:33 AM UTC
If I over use you
It's because I've gotten used to your feeling in my veins
Like a bolt of lightning blown through my body
Charred scars run the length of my arms
Reminding me to up my dosage next time
Hit me with your best shot they said
And babe that's gotta be you
My eyes see everything in startling new color
As if the hues of reality aren't supposed to be monotone
And I never had a clue
If I inhale enough of your scent
Maybe I won't remember long enough to forgot
I pray that when I come back
The imprint of your pillow will still be tattooed on my cheek
The intricate creases that belonged to wrongfully stitched wounds
Mark their territory upon me
And I wish you would do the same
I watch myself light up the end of us
Terrified that sobriety generates a pain I cannot mistake for beauty
Because I'm selfish
I cling to the image of your light being injected into my body
I know you are tired
Yet I thrive on your weary head rested in my lap
I must be sick
because wellness doesn’t leave you surrounded in somebody else’s tears
Grasping at the ends of puddles
Watching water slip between your fingers
If drowning was easy
I’m sure you would have plugged your nose and dove in
desperate to detach from my bruised knuckles
wrapped like smoke around your head
Slithering into your lungs until the edges are burned black
Because maybe in the end I wanted you to look like me
Tried, lonely, lost
yet if you are another me, I must let you go
I cannot steal your sun light if there is nothing but night
once I set you free you can smile
but I doubt you’ll be able to muster the strength
because users don’t care who they hurt
especially themselves
so, if I over use you
it’s because I’ve gotten used to your feeling in my veins
and I need a new high
Mar 29, 2017
Mar 29, 2017 at 12:01 AM UTC
I’ve abandoned my home for a journey I have not yet discovered
to the friends behind me fear not for my life
but for the life I could have led
on a bed forced into a corner
swaddled in childhood blankets that clung to my skin
like each tear from a empty nested mother
cry for the path not traveled
rejoice in the odyssey of my heart
think of me against the pale blue skies of mountains
beneath the growing timber of earths design
pity the splintering bones in my feet
but not the destination they’ve run towards
I’ve jumped from one luminous point to the next
cradled by the crevasse of the moon
watching my shoes etch themselves into unsoiled mud
which someday I will hang as proof
I did not agree to be silent and still
the world was not big enough to contain my wonder
I will watch myself rise to the challenge of being alive
or fall into the jagged gravel of being human
my scars will only create a map of where I have been
and where I will go
and when I return you may ponder if I am the same
the answer is already against the tip of your tongue
I braved the sun to find it didn't burn me
one path may bleed to the next
my steps from home may become further
but fear not for me
only for the life that I could have led
Mar 11, 2017
Mar 11, 2017 at 1:52 AM UTC
Is it a sin to hate my body when it no longer fits?
When I've outgrown the shell of who I was
Will I be shamed for trying on a new layer of skin like a discount store coat?
I ask because people shift their eyes up and down
Because people whisper in tones they think you don't understand
Because for some reason not loving yourself means you want to slice away all of your parts
It is a death sentence to want to rearrange yourself
But i need change
I just want to feel beautiful
You judge without thought
If I hate my body then all other parts must be corroded too
You're wrong
I love my mind and the intricate circles it traces around the earth
I've fallen head over heels for my heart because it gave me the courage to let others in
I blush just imagining what unbridled masterpieces I could create with my imagination
I want to hold hand with the colour of my eyes and forgot what any other shade looks like
I love myself enough to know that I don't fit this body anymore
And it is not a sin to stop pretending that my coat still hugs me perfectly
Feb 27, 2017
Feb 27, 2017 at 1:42 AM UTC
I've been told to write what I feel
But what I feel about you is everything I hate about myself
I used to remember your words with fondness reading them off like love letters as if this was a Jane Austin novel
And now my stomach churns at the thought of you ever speaking to me again
Your silence struck me far more than words ever could and I'm terrified by this thought
So I close my ears to the incoming noise and pick a god to pray to
Because unlike you it doesn't matter if they wake up and decide I'm not worth any more of their time
They're not real but you didn't feel real either
We connected over four hours of traffic and wavelengths
Throughout our lives we seemed destined to cross but never touch
Just two parallel lines running alongside one another
And one of us tried desperately to travel a different path
Leading them to where they ought not go
Yet fate is fragile
It doesn't bend to yearning and wishful thinking
Nov 17, 2016
Nov 17, 2016 at 8:21 AM UTC
I don't miss you
I miss the time
And the me that you fell in love with
Because I loved her too
And all that innocence I had
Like flowers circling a pillar
You tore down and tied into ribbons
Hoping that the stems wouldn't rot after you left them on the ground
But they did
I did
So I don't miss you
I miss me
And none of your words
Or touches
Or ******** excuses can give me back the love that I had for myself
The love that I gave to you
That never should have been yours to begin with
But under lock in key inside my heart
So I could remember to cherish myself even after you ran away
Sep 12, 2016
Sep 12, 2016 at 11:49 PM UTC
can I have a single moment to breathe
before the floor is ripped form beneath me
like a rug from under the table
once sturdy now turn on its side
I cannot carry much weight or else I break in two
and you don't need something that's broken
you need a whole object
permanence is key but I am not that
a mere shadow of something that once stood so strong
I crack under the slightest touch
so don't run your fingers on my arms because I will bruise
the ghost of your breath leaves burns
and all at once I splinter down the middle
without rhyme or reason you hurt me
snap me in half so that you can use my now sharp edges to harm yourself
don't take me down your rabbit hole
because once there it may become my own
I wish to inhale the fresh air, feel the wind inside my lungs
not the rotting stench of the girl I once was
do not praise yourself for breaking me
I will find a way to glue myself together
Aug 29, 2016
Aug 29, 2016 at 3:18 PM UTC
Shoot the sun in my bloodstream
So my smile isn't as faded as we are
Hope that my cracks burn with golden light and not the shadow you left in your wake
Because you didn't think I would notice you gone
When the sun rises she can see the space where the moon once reigned
And she's arrived in his place
She wonders why they cannot exist at the same time
Through thousands of whispering stars she can hear his words
Miles apart but he still tells her she's beautiful
So why doesn't he ever stay?
I am the sun, I shine through the cracks in the armor of my skin
Shielding the moon from all of the darkest parts of me they once tried to touch
But I eat away at myself with the thought of rejection
Did my light not beam down on you properly
So the world could bask in your pale glow
Was I so powerful you had to run
So that maybe you could save yourself from the pain you think I would cause
Did I hurt you when my flames danced along your hopes and dreams
I wonder what you think about now when you see the sun
Me?
Or just another light you wish to put out
Aug 29, 2016
Aug 29, 2016 at 12:59 AM UTC