To the only man I could never write poetry for -
I’m sorry and I love you and
I wish I could invent a new language
and create every word I need
to describe how I feel for you.
I wrote so many love poems
for boys I did not love.
The metaphors and feeling -
just red flag warnings
I painted to appear as roses.
I wish I would have saved
every sacred word for you.
Dec 6, 2019
Dec 6, 2019 at 12:33 AM UTC
You tell me you love me
and the words drip like honey -
sweet and sticking to my memory.
You and I will be crystallized in this moment,
forever present in the forefront of my mind.
Dec 6, 2019
Dec 6, 2019 at 12:32 AM UTC
Answer my call
For you are the wild one
I search for in any open crowd
No map or compass can guide me -
you are within me
as I am you and,
you are me and so we
are love
e v e r l a s t i n g
evergreen
you are
everything
Can you hear me?
Can you feel me?
I am with you
Dec 6, 2019
Dec 6, 2019 at 12:31 AM UTC
Part 1
We fell in love without meaning to -
Or, maybe we meant to.
It was one of those experiences,
where your body knows something before your soul does,
and suddenly you’re in front of a beautiful boy
who you can’t stay away from,
who doesn’t want to stay away from you.
And my god, we’re Persephone and Hades.
No, I don’t think you are the devil.
But, you were the darkness -
all ****** knuckles, scars, and broken spirit.
You collected pain like baseball cards,
Here’s my mother who abandoned me,
Here’s the first girl who broke my heart,
Here’s the woman who used to hit me,
Here and here and here and here -
I wanted to press my lips to your hands,
and whisper prayers into your palm lines,
so you’d have them with you when I…
Well, when I could not be with you.
Part 2
Like Persephone,
I could not stay with you.
I am yours today but not tomorrow, darling.
And after staying and going, staying and going, you asked me to stand still with you.
Be mine today and forever after.
You offered yourself as my home,
your heart as my salvation.
Just don’t go back.
But, you see, I couldn’t let go of the world I left.
Or rather, I couldn’t let go of who I left.
So, I told you, Next time. Please, darling,
don’t be angry. I promise to return.
I did not return,
and eventually, I could not return.
I broke your heart
and I was banished back to the Light.
I took your Dark for granted.
With you, I found balance -
I had, for once, peace of mind.
I don’t always want to shine
and my God, I miss your shadows.
I don’t have to be the Stars for you, darling,
just let me be the flame of a candle,
happy to glow in your presence.
Darling, I know,
I should have kept my promise.
I should have stayed.
Dec 6, 2019
Dec 6, 2019 at 12:30 AM UTC
Heavenly Mother,
Our Lady,
La Virgen ,
oh Mary,
it’s me -
a woman made in your image.
They say I was born a vessel of healing -
a product of divine selection -
and like you,
there is no separating from this blessing.
Men fall in love with me like I am salvation,
and I feel too small to carry their pain.
Mary, how did you protect your heart,
your energy, your magic?
I am not a savior
Mi amor, no soy una santa,
I hold the hands of men and try to explain,
I can’t ignore their pain,
and I feel everything but please,
—Mary, can you stop them
from throwing roses at your feet?
Mary,
do you love them all?
Romeo told Juliet,
Oh dear saint, let lips do what hands do
and he kissed her like a prayer
but she was just sixteen yet
destined to carry Romeo’s prayers -
destined to hold the sins purged from his kiss, his touch, his body,
forever outside of him and always within her.
I can not be any man’s saint.
I am just a woman.
Are you there?
Mary —
Dec 6, 2019
Dec 6, 2019 at 12:27 AM UTC
In our first life you were the moon
and I was the ocean
and God knows it’s you
who moves me still.
It was never just love for us,
it has always been
gravity.
Baby,
I spent lifetimes loving you from afar.
So when you say you must leave,
my heart does not break once -
it breaks for each form in which
I could not feel you next to me.
Moon and ocean,
Tristan and Isolde,
every star-crossed love
was me and you and
I will not be tragedy again.
Stay with me, darling.
Love me today and every day after
in our sheets, in our home, in our city.
I bargained for this chance
on each deathbed of mine:
Dear father, who art in heaven,
please bring me back once more,
and I promise,
this time I will be different.
Give me this, my only prayer.
Let me love him close,
all the days of my life.
Do you understand now?
I was born knowing you
and I grew trying to find you,
And I will be yours -
whether you stay or go.
I will belong to you
hoping
you will stay.
Dec 6, 2019
Dec 6, 2019 at 12:27 AM UTC
Some nights I dream
in silent movie sequences.
Y en este mundo sin lengua
amor es el accion solamente.
This is why you are always saving me
in black and white dreams
and I-
I am always running away.
I don’t want to hurt you but,
darling,
I am the monster in your closet
and the audience is screaming:
Don’t save her -
Run.
Don’t love her -
Run.
Can’t you see?
The monster is in bed next to you.
Dec 6, 2019
Dec 6, 2019 at 12:26 AM UTC
Depression wrote me a love letter
His handwriting looks just like Death’s
•
See,
our love is a secret and it is an instant escape.
He can take me anywhere
but I have to be alone first,
I have to be asleep first.
It has to be just us.
He said he loves me and he has to,
he has to protect me from everyone else -everyone but him.
If I want I can be with him forever, but
It’s just for me, somewhere only I can go.
No, the promise land isn’t Heaven
but if I could be rid of this Earthly existence then perhaps even Hell could be paradise.
My path emerges: clean cut
Cut deeper, cut longer, cut -
maybe God can’t hear me
maybe God can see me — see this
•
I don’t want to be in love with Depression
but he seduced me into a belief:
only he and I exist -
So how do I stop loving the only part of me that I can still see?
Tell me you can still see me, God.
Can you see all of me?
Am
I
still
here?
Dec 6, 2019
Dec 6, 2019 at 12:26 AM UTC
Darling,
the world is on fire.
We are Jack and Rose
and the inevitable destruction of our world,
perhaps this, is our iceberg.
And it’s just like the scene in the movie,
(Oh love, you know the one)
Jack puts Rose on the life boat
because he wants to save her –
Rose leaps back onto a sinking ship
because she cannot be saved without him.
This is not a movie,
but there is a pit in my stomach
and whether I am to fight or fly
I do not know but,
I do know I want to be with you.
You jump, I jump.
You fall, I fall.
We are only safe as one.
Darling,
please
do not leave me in this world alone –
*Look,
it comes this way.*
Aug 3, 2017
Aug 3, 2017 at 4:12 PM UTC
Dear Baby,
at this moment
I am 22 and you
are just an idea –
a twinkle in my eye.
But my dear twinkle,
even just as you are,
you must know this:
there are great things
that make this existence of ours
worth experiencing.
Poetry Beauty Romance
Love
*Oh captain, my captain
These are what we stay alive for.*
Now let me tell you a story, mi lunita
and may you be born with a mind filled with love
romance
beauty
poetry.
Once upon a time,
I met your papi for the first time
in a dream –
of this I am certain.
I stood in front of my friends and family
in a room of heavenly white.
I remember the curve of papi’s shoulder
in his nicest black suit. I remember
vows being whispered in my ear
and the way the light looked behind my eyelids.
I know this was your papi for two reasons:
1.) He is the only man I have loved
that would think to whisper marriage vows
– creating a secret, just for us.
Our love has always been just for us.
Private.
Sacred.
Why do they have to know everything?
2.). On our first date,
I opened the door
and in a burgundy shirt
red carnations in hand,
was your papi.
His lips were shaped like the Amen
to my whole life’s prayer
and I couldn’t stop myself from
embracing him.
So often, baby
your body remembers
what your soul has seen
but your mind has long forgotten.
Listen, my love
Find the quiet.
Feel your soul settled into you.
There is so much to remember.
Mi lunita,
I remember you.
Jul 9, 2017
Jul 9, 2017 at 3:56 PM UTC