how can silence be so loud?
i can hardly stand it, i want to put on a record and turn it all the way up.
i want to plug my guitar in and crank the amp the whole way and just play one chord.
i want to scream out, curse the day, feel the echo from my voice hit off the walls and come back to me.
i want to stop keeping everything so quiet, i want to stop saving the fights for when you feel like it, and i want you to open your ******* mouth instead of sitting quietly waiting for me to be ready to fight.
Dec 4, 2023
Dec 4, 2023 at 12:14 PM UTC
my kids sleep without knowing
that soon their home will be broken,
that they'll have to live in 2 houses
instead of one home.
I just hope they know someday I did the best I could.
Dec 4, 2023
Dec 4, 2023 at 12:02 PM UTC
my fire's burnt out
and i don't have another match.
i'll freeze, for sure.
and i can't expect you to reignite it,
since i blew yours out years ago.
but it'd be nice to at least
have you by me to watch these embers fade.
Dec 3, 2023
Dec 3, 2023 at 10:33 PM UTC
numbing the parts that fought
to numb the parts that say it's best not
to fight.
flight, ascension and self-destruction, enough to keep icarus grounded.
another day clawing for basic needs,
basically drowning in self-doubt.
enduring self-harm for denial elsewhere.
flying again, too high again, too much. Too much.
Dec 3, 2023
Dec 3, 2023 at 10:24 PM UTC
I bought my wife flowers a week after she told me about her affair
-----she promised me it wasn't anything physical, but that didn't stop me from being physically ill.
I framed a wedding picture so we'd finally have one after all these years
-----it doesn't stop the good memories being shattered by the words of her confession.
I changed my ways, started being loving again, did the dishes more
------but it wasn't time spent healing the gashes her lies cut.
I continued having passionate *** with her, trying to please her
-----even though all the messages I read told me she was never happy.
And I still try to do the best I can for her, through the pain, the death of my life before this, the silence that's now so loud in our house
-----because one day, when she leaves, I want to know I did the best I could for someone undeserving.
i hope this heals.
Nov 13, 2023
Nov 13, 2023 at 8:12 PM UTC
I'd empty every devilish idea
in a minute to fulfill your imagination,
And I'd open every crack in every corridor
so passing wasn't such a passé,
And I'd push every moment to be better than the last
and sleep soundly at night with you.
I'd pour my heart and soul into our lives
to make you happy again and see you truly smile,
And I'd hamper your days with love and beguile you again
if you'd focus on more than the bigger picture
And be ****** sentimental and loving
again.
Mar 7, 2020
Mar 7, 2020 at 1:31 AM UTC
it isn't some hard thing you have to do
you bunch it up in yer hands---
you can't seem to let it all flush itself out anyway,
how's me telling you anything any different any way
different than it was from last night.
you can't seem to ride out the storm on the back porch roof,
how i'd **** to lay out there, soak in the incandescents,
no different than being nowhere like we were before.
you can't seem to take the blame for anything anyway,
how i have to take the head on every thing any way
i can and it's destroying how we even talk anymore.
anyway, i hope you're happy while i'm up, drunk, tired, bored, nothing but what we could've had running through my head. you're dead, asleep, lonesome. just flush the **** already.
Feb 27, 2020
Feb 27, 2020 at 11:28 PM UTC
old scars, picked and bleeding.
a half empty bottle of whiskey,
violence in my headscape, escaping unnoticed,
and i wait for the trueness of my own emotions.
they won't come, she said.
they weren't here in the first place,
and if they were i'd throw them out
and lock the door without a second glance.
i know what's missing but i'm stubborn.
i don't let myself have as i'm a have-not,
i haven't had a chance to get out as much,
not like i really did before anyway.
Jun 30, 2018
Jun 30, 2018 at 12:07 AM UTC
I sleep in your dreams
And awaken in my own.
My own nightmares
Shrill, silent and symbolic,
Now your passage of time.
Jun 20, 2018
Jun 20, 2018 at 11:08 PM UTC