If I closed my eyes, being a mother was a time I knew I wanted.
Picturing what you would look like always running through my mind,
Rosy cheeks, soft skin, red hair and green/blue eyes;
Long soft curls, tied up with ribbons;
Laugh so contagious that would make people sick with happiness.
Independent wild free spirit that's moving faster than the speed of light.
Feeling those butterflies, that then become kicks in my belly,
Can confirm those thoughts.
Laying on the cold table waiting and anticipating that beautiful cry.
Feeling your wet, soft skin on my chest; is an unreal emotion that is overwhelming.
At that moment you're wrapping your little fingers around mine, everything is laid before me and is making perfect sense.
Before we know you're crawling, walking and becoming the little independent baby girl I knew were.
Then hearing your most beautiful angelic voice, like the most precious ringing in my ears and never want this feeling to end.
And in a blink of an eye you're walking across the stage at High School as I'm holding my breath, knowing the little girl I once knew is becoming a young Lady.
Packing up the one life you had at the one place you called your forever home, as we're stacking and shoving items and clothes into the car.
Hoping that you make the most of everything that college has to offer.
Apr 29
Apr 29, 2026 at 8:49 PM UTC
I tell myself, I'm okay. When in reality I'm a scared little girl on the inside. They tell me I'm strong and I'm the strongest they've ever seen. But I'm this weak, terrified person fighting a constant battle with myself. I'm lost in an ocean of people trying to find the once happy, carefree girl that everyone loved. She's trapped in a padlocked box struggling to find her way out of the darkness. A lonely, melancholy cloud of darkness that has consumed and suffocated me; with anger, sadness, and hatefulness. Depression is a lonely figure of the night seeking out his prey; mindlessly waiting for that innocent person to **** their brains with thoughts of confusion for being told that, "It'll be over soon" and "what you're feeling is normal." Until you feel so insane that the doctor's stuff you're mouth with more pills. Feeling more like a ****** you soon start getting the cravings for that sharp, thick, cold metal. Wanting to feel the blade on your skin. You soon see the red crimson liquid leaving and slowly fall out of your body. You feel relief as the blade moves so effortlessly on your already damaged skin. But you stop, and those thoughts come back. So take more pills, then it becomes an endless cycle that won't end. People try asking if you're doing okay, you just nod, as you fake a smile and say "I'm fine." But you know you're not. They stop asking because they know that you're just going to say the same thing. So you stop talking to them because you don't want them to see you weak for a second. Feeling as if your soul left your body, you take a seat on the floor of your shower. Letting the water hit you're already hollow body; sitting mindlessly wondering when the right time is to end it. This is goodbye, but God has other plans. As you are brought to life in front of him, he speaks the truth to you. "My child I know you're weak, I was once as well, but you can't let that stop you. People can't live without trees, fish need water to breath; so the world will be nothing with you. Be the best you, you can be." You feel cold as lay lifeless on the ground. Thinking that this is the end forever, you wake in the cold room, that's all dressed in white. You look up to the sad, worried faces that you thought never truly cared; are with you until the end and were there from the beginning. This new feeling is starting to take over your mind; as you're the one pushing Depression up against the wall at gunpoint. Just waiting for him to make a move; so you can pull that trigger. His trying so desperately to inch his way back into your mind, you scream and yell as you're going through this struggling battle you finally take that shot. You can breathe again.
Jul 24, 2019
Jul 24, 2019 at 12:04 AM UTC
So you thought it was easy,
but you know
It is all hailstone before the snow.
For what comes just goes
Seeking unknown, searching for something
And one day you learn without pain
We can have anything.
Too afraid to let go
You hold on to fading memories.
Too sober to realize
melting life in a quest for basic groceries.
Day after day exploring the vibes.
You all learn to grasp.
Cheating with a smile, hoping for a lie.
Til the last breath, you grasp.
So you thought it is easy.
But you know it is not.
You have to live and enjoy and never
greed for a lot of playing games with the blessing
a life, you forget what you need
and while you decide between heaven and hell
on earth, you can only bleed.
Jul 23, 2019
Jul 23, 2019 at 11:13 PM UTC
You open my doors to see my magical world
Getting your plates and bowls to eat your food
Then you come inside one last time
To pretend I have a magical place on the other side.
Apr 25, 2017
Apr 25, 2017 at 1:02 PM UTC
Everyone can feel this way
It can happen to anyone
I cause devotion and lust
We all know how it starts
Dry mouth and sweaty palms
Then the butterflies
We try to speak but we can’t
Nothing comes out
Then there’s a long pause between you both
Now your stomach is a knot
I can make this happen to anyone
I can also be filled with disappointment
That’s what I can do
That one boy you thought
You loved; Gone
That’s what I do
I cause heartbreaks
Then you start to hate the meaning of me
You don’t like what I have done
Love is a part of life
I wasn’t made to last
I come and go as I please
It’s not my fault, but I’m sorry to disappoint
But this is me
It’s how I was made
I’ll make you love again,
When you least expect it
Apr 21, 2017
Apr 21, 2017 at 1:17 PM UTC
When the weather starts getting colder
That’s when you see us
We fall out of the sky
Dancing so lightly as the wind blows us around
As were dancing
We start to stick to your nose and eyelashes
We start dancing even faster
You caught us in your hand
But when you open your hand
We sadly have to melt away
Apr 21, 2017
Apr 21, 2017 at 1:16 PM UTC
I’m untouchable, and unreachable
The more you try to touch me
The more I walk away
We have fun when the suns out
But sadly I must say goodbye
When it’s night
I follow to your favorite places
You tell me things that no one knows
I’m your best friend
I’m your guardian when you’re scared
You can ask me for advice
I cannot understand or speak
When you want me to answer
Even though I say good night
As the sun goes down
I’m never really gone
So don’t worry your little heart
I’ll see you tomorrow
When the sun comes back to life
Apr 21, 2017
Apr 21, 2017 at 1:13 PM UTC
Many things, thoughts running through my head.
Wondering when this will end.
Tired of thinking and worrying about other dispositions that don't matter.
I'm sitting in a quiet room; screaming and yelling.
But no one hears the pain, or cares to ask.
There I am,
Alone,
Afraid to move.
Petrified to make a sound,
Waiting for another person to judge me.
Full of point of views about the outside world.
Waiting for my moment that's not ever coming.
Scared to be hurt again.
Melancholy that the next words are I'm forever alone.
And no one understands that I'm hurting, suffering, and ashamed.
People come and go,
But I'm the only one being left behind in the dust,
Stuck in my mind full of sorrow and demons, waiting to strike at any given moment.
Not understanding it's better than not knowing.
Apr 5, 2017
Apr 5, 2017 at 9:35 AM UTC
Darkness,
All I see is darkness.
No light passing inside to me.
I become melancholy; drained,
From what you left behind.
Carefully picking up my pieces,
From the harmful words that come out of your mouth.
I don't have sight just feel.
I don't know if you left or if your coming back.
I don't know how much love you gave her,
But I have it.
I can send sparks through the body,
Or send butterflies to stomach,
Having the love and passion explode through you.
Then it's just disappeared,
The wonderful affect is left behind,
I don't know why??
I'm aching to have that back.
Begging for it.
Did she make you leave,
Or did you break it off?
The time has come when,
I'm heading back into darkness,
Letting it consumer her,
I'm beating softer and softer,
Until I'm beating no more.
And everything goes quiet.
Apr 4, 2017
Apr 4, 2017 at 12:11 PM UTC