Why are you still here?
Why do you make me feel so sad when I'm around my friends
Make me take a sharp object to my skin
To cut
And bleed
And bleed
Make me feel so disgusted with myself that i need to take three showers in a row
Why do you do this to me?
I cant deal with these headaches and wanting to just die
Laughing when people say that ill get better
I cant see myself getting better
I want to get better
But I'm so sad
I don't get sleep
I cant sleep
I need to cut
I need music to shut you up!
You invite anxiety to help with these headaches and keep me up at 12:59
And add trauma so i am scared of every raised voice and slamming
please just leave me alone.
I cant take this anymore
Jan 4, 2016
Jan 4, 2016 at 2:06 AM UTC
depression let me sleep please
My heavy eyes are ready to see nothing as I sleep
So please stop saying nasty things
Erase this headache and let me rest.
Jan 4, 2016
Jan 4, 2016 at 2:05 AM UTC
Keeps me locked to them
The paranoid, worrisome anxiety
Who jitters my body and makes me shake with every thought, making it a hassle to go through a day.
Adding noises into my ears, ones that
I swear to ******* god were never there before.
On the other side is the gloomy and sadden depression.
Who goes through my mind, making it a foggy and bleak mess.
Not letting me be able to think or see clearly.
Bring a curse upon me to hate my body and bring new scars upon the old ones.
The thin red string keeps them together and me held closely, almost like an unwanted comfort and not letting me break free.
I swear this red string will be the death of me.
Dec 18, 2015
Dec 18, 2015 at 10:14 AM UTC
I want you to come back.
I miss your smile and soft skin
Your beautiful laugh and the warm hugs you gave.
Its been too long and i need you back.
I need you here with me till the end
I cant go on like this.
You kept me stable.
And right now baby, ( chuckle )
Im so unstable
Dec 11, 2015
Dec 11, 2015 at 2:49 PM UTC
Its Sunday
and I want to die
cut till I bleed too much
take too many pills till I OD
drink till I pass out
Its Monday.
sweater helps cover the scars
sunglasses help with the migraine
no one knows about the trip to the hospital
and a fake smile on my lips
now i just wait till the next sunday
so i can do it all again
Dec 9, 2015
Dec 9, 2015 at 7:29 PM UTC
1 2 3
Ages in a state that I don't remember much
4 5 6
I was happy and carefree, having so many friends that I couldn't even count them
7 8 9
Started to have be alone at home while papa went to see "a man about a horse"
10 11 12
I started to become a women like they said yet I was falling for girls more then I did boys, making lies when they asked if I liked someone
13 14 15
Realizing I'm not meant to be the little girl my dad always knew and the depressed stages began as I wished that I was dead
16
An age I'll be next month, if I can keep the depression quiet for that long
17 18 19
I don't know if I'll make it as I grip onto all the hope that I can hold as the depression speaks nasty words to me
Dec 7, 2015
Dec 7, 2015 at 12:02 PM UTC
How does one come to accept who they are?
Is it the pride flag that hangs in their room
Or how they boast about how gay they really are.
Maybe the acceptance is the small things
Holding a loved one's hand
And getting to see her beautiful body for who she truly is.
Until she's gone and you're stuck back lying to yourself
You can't like girls
You have to be straight
Make others happy
Not just yourself.
You fall in love again,
Or is this only a one sided relationship. He says that he loves you but
Tries to **** himself a week in.
He says he needs help with his transition
But you don't seem to good enough to help him.
He called you cute once.
And that gave you some hope
But then he stops talking to you for a week and you're lost in translation.
Did you do something wrong?
No one would know.
Your depression and paranoia gets worse
Each day you see him and have class with him
But soon you forget it
Go back to your somewhat self.
Learn he's dating someone new.
Go back to your boasting
And the laughing while everything seems normal to others, you're actually just crying on the inside.
Is this what acceptance means? Or did I miss something
Dec 7, 2015
Dec 7, 2015 at 11:22 AM UTC
I had spilled my guts for you
But you just watched me bleed out
I did what i could to make you happy.
even though we both ended up with cut wrists and red eyes
This isn't love baby
This is torment
Dec 7, 2015
Dec 7, 2015 at 11:19 AM UTC
I once told a girl that I loved her.
She laughed and shook her head, with a smile on her lips, god
she had a beautiful smile.
“I love you too silly”
These words rolled off from her tongue like honey
I gave a bright smile and hugged her
Holding her body close to mine for the split moment we had.
Was this romance or the platonic love of a friendship?
I'll never be able to find out
But I know that every time I held her hand, i felt so happy
And her big brown eyes were always filled with hope
Along with the sleepless nights where I would listening to her breathing, wanting to hold her close
But I couldn't
Cause we were just friends
Friends that haven't spoken in over seven years
And god ****
I miss her voice
And her slender and small body
I loved her more then she’d end up knowing
Dec 7, 2015
Dec 7, 2015 at 11:12 AM UTC