“Friends”
This is what you say we are, yet you can’t even face me or acknowledge me in public. I’m not your friend, I’m your worst kept secret.
I speak words of positivity and praise over your character in rooms where your name is mentioned, which surely you could never do for me. In fact, you’ve spoken negativity over me, made accusations, harsh judgements and jumped to conclusions of me- in your mind… maybe even in a room full of people who want me, but can’t have me. Desperate to stroke their egos and manipulate the image of a remarkable and authentic woman who intimidates them and holds them to a higher standard than society… they paint false narratives over me and you let them.
“Friends.”
In what manor.
In what way?
Certainly not your words or actions or neglect. Not in how you behave or fail to.
You’ve made many empty promises that we meant to bury, but there was no funeral because they’re still in the room with us… never truly put to rest. All the world’s a stage and when we are on one, I just sit and feel the tension of words unspoken. Shrinking myself to keep you complacent, feeling the pain of your inability to just do the noble thing. A simple smile, a simple wave would do. I forgive you, but you never forgive yourself and you spend so much time blaming me. I’m not sorry that I hold you to a higher standard. I expect more from everyone than they’ve normalized. I’m intentional and conscious, not lazy, especially with words and actions towards others.
“Friends.”
In what essence of the word?
No benefits. No real communication. No connection. Completely shut down. Pushed away by your insecurities. You never show up. Reminiscent of the many men I’ve known all my life, even the ones in my home growing up. Especially the one I once called “Daddy.” How ironic that you like to be called after by the same name of the man you’ve embodied in my life with your absence, mistreatment and neglect. A joke I’ve never once laughed at.
“Friends”.
In what fashion?
On what playing field?
You’ve heard my innermost intimate thoughts in detail and seen parts of me up close that I’ve been shamed for wanting to share. You want to be “Friends”, but you’ve heard how I sing to the Gods when the right places on my body are touched. You know my body’s secrets and my psychological triggers, you possess a map to my soul and have tried to use it against me, but you want to be “Friends.”
You want to be “Friends”, but when I look at you or think about you or hear your voice… I remember that I want to invite you between my legs into my temple and to hold your body pressed so deeply inside of me that we become one, to cascade a waterfall of divine nectar down your legs while you whisper the secret words of praise into my ear and make my body tremble and shake, releasing years of pain and trauma that dates back before my soul even met yours… possibly healing ancestral wounds I am unaware of.
How does one erase those thoughts and memories? I find it quite impossible. I’ll never be normal about you. I gasp at the thought of you. And then I get angry at the imbalance you’ve subjected me to. It could’ve been simple. “Friends with benefits”, sëxual healing, mutual support, laughter. Thats all I really wanted. But there were no benefits. You couldn’t get out of your own way and just enjoy the blessings. You really pushed away an opportunity we both asked of the universe. You took everything that felt good and made it bad. Harming both of us. Inner-child wounds are funny like that. You rejected my patience and pushed my buttons. You tried to pull demons out of me that I spent years healing, to come to you pure so that you could have a stress free experience. You dragged me down while I was trying to bring you up.
“Friends”
On what planet?
I don’t think it is possible for you to be my “Friend”. Not to my standards. I don’t tolerate the type of treatment that you have to offer, from anyone, especially not from someone who calls themselves my “friend”. I said that I didn’t want to put a title on how I feel for you because it’s too complicated and messy. The connection and disconnection both radiate like fire in the pit of my stomach. My sacral systems alarms going off. Stampeding internally. Begging you to touch me mentally, physically and spiritually. I will never say this because you’ve shown me that you cannot handle that kind of access to me. You don’t know what to do with it. You did once, and then never again. You’ve shown me that I am too much for you. So I don’t think we can be “Friends”. I generate an abundance that you’re not ready for.
So our last communication, was our last communication. What you think is your strength, I see as your greatest weakness. Cowardice. Hiding behind false and fabricated words and ideas. You call something your opinion when it is a choice. How silly of you to fold when I’ve laid all my cards on the table, all in, completely ready to lose the hand. You had the win, right there. I would’ve let you take all. Anything you wanted. But that wouldn’t have mattered, you were cheating and playing with Fools Gold. I would’ve lost more than I brought to the table. You showed me that in so many ways. You never thought you could win, so you continuously lose. It was never a game to me, but If you’re going come to try and play with me- you must know- these things are mind over matter. And the house always wins from one “Friend” to another.
Excuse my abrupt exit,
I have to go find better “Friends”.
May 19
May 19, 2026 at 7:53 AM UTC
You didn’t lead me on,
You lead me towards a cliff
I took that leap against my better judgement
Luckily I’ve been mislead before,
Enough times to know better
And so I brought a parachute
I’ve safely landed
When I looked up,
I noticed that you never took the plunge
Unreliable
Indecisive
Cowardice
Hopeless
I will admit my fault in jumping so quickly
Eager
Impatient
Excited
Hopeful
Opposite ends of the spectrum
What you see as misalignment
I see as opportunity for balance
Optimist vs pessimist
Nothing is hidden from me
Before climbing the hill
That surely leads me to another death
I plan my lonesome hike in advance
Well off any beaten path
I leave myself a road map
Back to civilization I go
While you sit in your cave contemplating
Did you make the right choice?
Are you warm in there?
Do you feel stuck?
I never look to a man to guide me
I am the explorer
The navigator
I make a path where I see none
I honor and value myself
Enough to be prepared
Enough to follow a false leader
Enough to redirect
I lead myself on
To new adventures
Better terrain
And I take in nature
Along my journey I remember
The water
The wind
The sun
The earth beneath my feet
They guide me home
And if I can’t find home
I start building anew
I make space
the next traveler who knocks on my door
They take my hand and tell me to follow
Follow the leader
Like it’s a game
I always win
I always come prepared
Any false leader will be their own downfall
I will always get back up
Maybe one day someone who knocks will see me
A capable leader
And I will lead them to the kingdom that I’ve been promised time and time again
A kingdom so grand,
It doesn’t suit a party of one
So I wait patiently
To begin the journey again
Aug 26, 2025
Aug 26, 2025 at 11:29 PM UTC
You treat me so rough
when I beg you for delicate
You say that you love me
but you’re not really selling it
I remember the strength
I once held while celibate
I was a purified flower,
You were loving the smell of it..
But my thorns can be prickly
And I fear you won’t like that
So when you cause pain,
I try hard not to bite back
I love you unconditionally
and though I cannot fight that,
I wish you could see
how it hurts to fall off track
The pain in my foot
is the pain in your back
God sent you a mirror
And that mirror collapsed
If you look at what’s happening
You’ll see that I am you
So it’s not what you want to,
But maybe what you can do.
To reach outside yourself
to care for another
You could learn so much
From the love of a mother
This is what I offer
A new perspective
I know that you’ll see it
You’re very perceptive
I spin you in circles
And we finish our dance
I search for the conditions
They’re there; in your glance.
It’s both of our worst fear,
you won’t speak aloud.
I say all of my thoughts,
As they pass by like clouds.
Some are dark, some shiny, some gray
You only acknowledge them
Only every other day
Make me laugh and perspire,
Push my feelings away
The pain fades temporarily,
Yet the doubtfulness stays
“am I ungrateful”
Or
“Am I being punished”
I ask myself often,
As I sift through the dunnage
I unbury the fear
At the root of it all
I was rising in love,
But beginning to fall
You weren’t willing to catch me
Because you never saw
I tried to speak to you,
But did so, through a wall
Will you love me unconditionally
When you don’t like what you see?
Are you in love with an idea,
Or do you truly love ME.
Jul 12, 2024
Jul 12, 2024 at 9:45 PM UTC
ʙᴏᴅʏ ᴏꜰ ᴇxᴄᴇʟʟᴇɴᴄᴇ.
ᴅɪᴠɪɴᴇʟʏ ᴛᴏᴜᴄʜᴇᴅ & ɢᴜɪᴅᴇᴅ ʜᴀɴᴅꜱ.
ʟɪᴘꜱ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴜᴛᴛᴇʀ ᴛʀᴜᴛʜꜱ ᴅɪꜱɢᴜɪꜱᴇᴅ
ʙʏ ʀɪᴅᴅʟᴇꜱ, ᴍɪꜱᴛᴀᴋᴇɴ ꜰᴏʀ ꜰᴀʙʀɪᴄᴀᴛɪᴏɴ.
ʙᴇᴀᴜᴛʏ ɪꜱ ᴅᴇꜰɪɴᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛᴏʀ-
ɴᴏᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴘᴇᴄᴛᴀᴛᴏʀ.
ᴏɴʟᴏᴏᴋᴇʀꜱ ᴍᴀʏ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛᴇ ꜱᴛᴏʀɪᴇꜱ
ɪɴꜱᴛᴇᴀᴅ ᴏꜰ ʀᴇᴀᴅɪɴɢ ɪɴ ʙᴇᴛᴡᴇᴇɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟɪɴᴇꜱ
ᴏꜰ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ɪꜱ ᴀʟʀᴇᴀᴅʏ ᴡʀɪᴛᴛᴇɴ.
ᴀᴍᴏɴɢꜱᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏɴꜰᴜꜱɪᴏɴ & ɪʟʟᴜꜱɪᴏɴ,
ꜱʜᴇ ᴡᴀꜱ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʀᴜᴛʜ.
ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ᴍɪꜱꜱᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴀɴ ᴜɴᴛʀᴀɪɴᴇᴅ ᴇʏᴇ.
ᴀ ᴛᴇᴍᴘʟᴇ ᴅᴇꜱᴇᴄʀᴀᴛᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴜɴᴋɪɴᴅ ʀᴜᴍᴏʀ.
ᴘᴜʀɪᴛʏ & ᴅɪᴠɪɴɪᴛʏ ɢʀᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ ʙʏ ɢᴏᴅ,
ᴅᴇꜰɪɴᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴏᴜʟ, ɴᴏᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴜʀꜰᴀᴄᴇ.
ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ꜱᴇᴇ ᴄʟᴇᴀʀʟʏ ʙᴇʏᴏɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴠᴀɪʟ?
ɴᴏ. ʏᴏᴜ’ᴠᴇ ᴀʟʀᴇᴀᴅʏ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ᴜᴘ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴍɪɴᴅ
ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ɪꜱ ᴛᴀɪɴᴛᴇᴅ,
ꜰᴀʟꜱᴇ ᴘʀᴏᴘʜᴇᴄɪᴇꜱ ᴡʀɪᴛᴛᴇɴ ʙʏ
ᴛʜᴇ ᴊᴜᴅɢᴇᴍᴇɴᴛ ᴘʀᴏᴊᴇᴄᴛᴇᴅ ɪɴᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʙʀᴀɪɴ
ʙʏ ᴀ ꜱᴛᴀɴᴅᴀʀᴅ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴍᴀɴ.
ᴅᴇᴄᴇᴘᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴀꜱꜱᴇꜱ.
ᴡᴇ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ꜱᴇɴᴛ ʜᴇʀᴇ ᴏꜰ ꜰʟᴇꜱʜ &
ᴄʟᴏᴀᴋᴇᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ꜱʜᴀᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴛᴜʀɴ ᴀ ᴘʀᴏꜰɪᴛ.
ᴡʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ꜱᴇᴇ ɪꜱ ɴᴏᴛ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏꜱ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ɢᴇᴛ.
ᴀ ᴘᴇʀᴄᴇᴘᴛɪᴏɴ ᴛᴀɴɢʟᴇᴅ ɪɴᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴍɪɴᴅ &
ᴅɪꜱᴛʀɪʙᴜᴛᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴅɪᴍ ᴀ ʟɪɢʜᴛ. ᴏᴜʀ ʟᴏꜱꜱ.
ᴛʜᴇ ᴋɴᴏᴡʟᴇᴅɢᴇ ɪꜱ ᴇᴀɢᴇʀ ꜰᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ,
ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ’ᴅ ᴏɴʟʏ ꜱᴇᴇᴋ ɪᴛ.
ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʀᴜᴛʜ ɪꜱ ʜᴇʀᴇ ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ᴡᴀɪᴛɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴜɴᴇᴀʀᴛʜᴇᴅ,
ʙᴜᴛ ᴡʜᴏ ᴡᴀɴᴛꜱ ᴛᴏ ᴅɪɢ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ ɪᴍᴍᴇɴꜱᴇ
ᴘʀᴇꜱꜱᴜʀᴇ ᴏꜰ ʙᴏᴜʟᴅᴇʀ ᴜᴘᴏɴ ʙᴀᴄᴋ?
ʜᴇᴀᴠʏ ꜱᴛʀɪᴅᴇꜱ ᴡᴇ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ.
ᴊᴜᴅɢᴇᴍᴇɴᴛ ᴄᴏᴍᴇꜱ ᴇᴀꜱɪᴇʀ.
ɪᴛ ɪꜱ ᴀ ʟᴇᴀʀɴᴇᴅ ʙᴇʜᴀᴠɪᴏʀ.
ɪᴛ’ꜱ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴡᴀᴋᴇ ᴜᴘ.
ɪᴛ’ꜱ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ.
ʜᴇᴀʟ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʀᴏᴏᴛꜱ.
ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴅʏ ɪꜱ ᴀ ʜᴏᴍᴇ ꜰᴏʀ ᴀ ꜱᴏᴜʟ.
ᴛᴏ ᴛʀᴜʟʏ ʙᴇ ɴᴀᴋᴇᴅ, ɪꜱ ᴛᴏ ꜱʜᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴄᴀʀꜱ
ʙᴇɴᴇᴀᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴋɪɴ, ʟᴀʏᴇʀꜱ ᴅᴇᴇᴘᴇʀ &
ᴅᴇᴇᴘᴇʀ ᴘᴀꜱᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇᴘɪᴅᴇʀᴍɪꜱ.
ʙᴜᴛ ᴡʜᴏ ᴡɪʟʟ ʟᴏᴏᴋ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴜꜱᴛᴇᴅ ᴄᴏʀɴᴇʀꜱ
ᴡʜᴇɴ ᴡᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ꜱᴇɴᴛ ᴇxᴛᴇʀɴᴀʟ ᴅɪꜱᴛʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴꜱ?
ᴏɴᴇ ᴄᴀɴ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴅʀᴇᴀᴍ.
ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪꜱ ɴᴏᴛ ᴀ ᴘʀɪꜱᴏɴ, ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜ
“ɪ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴡʜʏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴀɢᴇᴅ ʙɪʀᴅ ꜱɪɴɢꜱ”
~ ©ʜᴇɴᴅɪ
Feb 18, 2024
Feb 18, 2024 at 8:28 AM UTC
Fear not your ************ young girl,
for it is the very evidence you seek
that you are the universe experiencing itself.
As I lay and bathe in a pool of my own DNA,
I watch the passers by.
A shark, a jellyfish, a fetus, a worm.
Tiny strands down the drain.
The fabric of my insides.
The ick to every man fearing the capability, the strength, the love and dexterity of a woman.
A strength so ancient and full of purpose.
So strong.
Constantly producing and relieving my **** of unfertilized greatness.
Discarded materials of my own internal struggle to find a love worth carrying my star-seeds to fruition.
A wonder it is.
A magic of this realm.
A sorcery so powerful that it has brought me to my knees writhing in pain.
The pain of creation,
The suffering of the body crying out
to bring forth life.
How gracious is this pain to teach us,
We are made of stardust and beautiful consciousness.
A woman thought to herself,
“What better can this world be?”
The answer, more.
It can be more.
There can be more.
More to love.
More growth.
Seeds to be planted
and watered and nurtured.
A harvest of joy and a family so plentiful.
More hands to hold.
More hands to create.
More hands to produce more love.
More hands to continue
this beautiful cycle.
And so she waits.
And every month, again,
she bore the pain of a thousand swords.
She healed.
She began again.
She kept growing the seeds
every season, awaiting
the crops to fertilize.
Afflicted with ruin,
she fell to her knees.
The beauty of this suffering,
Begging the universe, More.
To create and to love is all that she knows.
Fear not your ************ young girl,
You are building the universe,
You are experiencing what it means to be.
And so it is.
And so we are.
© KD
Nov 21, 2023
Nov 21, 2023 at 1:02 PM UTC
We follow our vision
And we don’t need no permission
The gifts that we are given
Are what sent us the soul mission
I’ve reawakened now
Cannot be forsaken now
While my heart is breakin
I’ll gain power through creation
I’ll be a great sensation
This healing that I’m spittin
Will revitalize the nation
You feel that?
It’s all reverberatin
You’ll see the revelation
When you reach recalibration
If ya hearin what I’m sayin
It’s the reconciliation
Of the positive vibration
Through mental emancipation
You feel the synergy
It’s all positive energy
If you have been a friend to me
You’re ****** with the ministry
Never seen a guru
That could send vibration through you
Watch you while you do you
I’m watching how you move true
Ain’t doin no voodoo
It’s really pure and true
Who
do you see when you look
Into the mirror
As your vision gets clearer
We are divine reflections
Nobody is in fear here
We are superior
To the wicked theories here
Meek men are the weary there
Cannot be hysteria
It’s so mysterious
How they are in fear of us
But let us feel like we are the ones
Who are inferior
I’m livin grateful
Because I am the faithful
I’ve been so graceful
You can see my face full
Of smiles
We do it all the while
Even as they broke me down
Since I was a child
We’ve traveled miles
To reach the promise land
Yes we teachin and we preachin
As we reach out all our hands
To our brothers, yes, our fellow man
I hope you overstand
Why we reject their commands
Make our own demands
To move only with God’s plan
We keep it moovin
We never loose the groove and
We tie up all our loose ends
Countin all these dividends
You feel the synergy
It’s all positive energy
If you have been a friend to me
You’re ****** with the ministry
I’m letting go now
Following the flow now
Never seem to let up
Not likely to slow down
You’ll never see us frown
Smiling while we’re feelin down
Even in the tears we drown
We take our power back
Use that **** to cleanse
Because tears are so sacred
Because we are the huemans
No need to pretend and
Every time they send them
Rewriting rewiring
Send it to the fire and I’ll
Then we start to rise again
Like a phoenix
Straight up out the ashes
And if they don’t like it
They can kiss our heady *****
While we count the assets
No need to go flashing
Abundance we receiving
Looks can be deceiving
We are the healing
Faces and hearts we stealin
And when we reel ‘em in
They’ll see who they’re dealin with
It is within
Absolution from sin
Send it all to the sun
Because we know that we are one
And when all is said and done
Know the healings just begun
You feel the synergy
It’s all positive energy
If you have been a friend to me
You’re ****** with the ministry
You feel the synergy
It’s all positive energy
If you have been a friend to me
You’re ****** with the ministry
We follow our vision
And we don’t need no permission
The gifts that we are given
Are what sent us the soul mission
Nov 13, 2023
Nov 13, 2023 at 7:28 AM UTC
Forevers not a promise,
It’s a fact.
Although, my heart is hurting.
And yes, it may be cracked.
Every second that I’m near you,
I’m on the mend.
Distance is illusion,
And so I play pretend.
Before we arrived here,
We made a pact.
A lifelong journey,
A soul contract.
A story so grand,
Through time and space on land.
How could you have forgotten?
We came here to expand.
The healing of this nation,
Relies on you and I.
I plan to act this out,
Before our bodies die.
I’ve chosen this path and
you along with it.
I wish you’d stick it out,
And fight to the finish.
I’m ever so patient,
I know you’re not ready.
I’m giving you space
And I’m keeping things steady.
I’m not the enemy,
But still you attack.
It isn’t my fault,
I possess what you lack.
The whole point is to balance
What’s alike and what’s different.
You seek accountability,
When we’re meant to produce it.
I know that you’re not ready
For this or for me,
But we are right in the thick of this
And I’m feeling lost at sea.
You’ve done this to me many times,
I know you can’t remember.
I just have to re-walk this path.
(We’ll touch base in December.)
With everything I practice and everything you preach, I thought that you could figure out, what they sent me here to teach.
I tried to exit this journey,
But every time I do…
The universe keeps pushing me
Right back into you
I’m growing quite weary
So I’m letting God steer me
I wanted to communicate,
But fail to do so clearly
I’m stuck at an impasse
Because I am an empath
I know I should be more assertive,
Nice guys always finish last
But with you there’s a soft spot
It’ll be there forever
I’m hoping that you’ll notice soon
Better late than never
You string me along
I put it in a song
I keep on fighting tooth and nail
I always seem so strong
My strength irritates many
Who know not what I’ve been through
But they pass their judgment
as they see what I give into
It’s been this way forever
It’ll be forever more
But nobody sees me
When I’m crying on the floor
I never let them see this side
Because it is unpleasant
I work so hard to heal myself
And remain in the present
I speak on what I’m thinking
Without revealing much
I write what I can’t speak about
My journal is my crutch
I keep the darkest parts in there
So no one senses my despair
The pain is there forever though
And so you reap, so shall you sew
Forevers not a promise
It is a fact.
You’ve shaken up the universe,
Brace for impact.
Jun 3, 2023
Jun 3, 2023 at 12:33 AM UTC
I ask the universe for tender love and care.
The universe brings me blessing after blessing. Opportunity after opportunity. Why am I not satisfied? I realize that what I wish for, is you. Your love. Not just any love. The feeling that you give me in my stomach that says, “how can I resist this?” When you’re around me, my neck hairs stand at attention and my petals begin to quiver. I long for and crave you.
Some people try to tell me that I get too easily attached… I do act this way, but I often wilt when someone kicks me around too much. Eventually I wither away to return a new sprout and bloom, yet again. The problem is that I’ve never REALLY been attracted to anyone the way that I feel pulled towards you. Like other plants among the garden bed, I begin to lean towards you, like the sun.
I have said that I was “in love” before and I have said that “I love” somebody, but I’ve never felt it like this. The sentiment was there, but no electrical spark. I told myself that those were silly, little fairytales - tall tails- even. I think I’ve lied to myself many times over that I’ve had this feeling before and that it will come again. This is all just wishful thinking.
A divine gentlemen comes along and treats me like gold while you fiddle with your fingers and try to avoid eye contact. You overthink and then say nothing. You leave me high and dry, or sober and sobbing. It’s never anything good. You chose to fertilize my garden with invasive weeds and you water the flowers with Coca-Cola. I don’t know why you take action towards my garden in such a filthy manor. You damage me, yet every day I wait for you to stop by and leave a little remnant of something; anything. It’s not fair that one can offer me water and sunshine while I wait for your poison.
And So, I guess that I should not be angry because it is something that needs to be pruned. It is an attachment and an unhealthy one, at that. The lesson that God and mother Gaia are trying to teach me is a hard one to learn. “You deserve more than you pray for. Why are you praying for this thing? What is different about this thing? You must stop praying for the potential that someone has to reveal itself. I have put blessings on your path that will offer you what it is you deserve, but you must let go of what does not serve you.”
I am learning how to trim the weeds and maintain my own garden. I’m learning to keep the pests out. I am learning to grow thorns and protect myself, but still remain delicate and beautiful. I’m learning that I may not always blossom on the days when I think that I will and sometimes; when the seasons are harsh and cold, I must remain dormant.
I am learning how to survive you pouring the wrong things into my garden. I’m learning to extend towards the sun as I grow and not a UV lamp that mimics the sun. I’m learning to stop getting myself tangled in dark corners of the flowerbed. It’s a hard lesson, but I’m learning it. Another day, another lesson from the garden.
May 5, 2023
May 5, 2023 at 8:39 PM UTC
She wanted to be loved, to be seen and heard.
She cried for help and was met with distaste.
She learned to stop asking for help.
She learned to rely only on herself.
She carried herself for many many years.
She waited patiently for something
to come along to lighten the load.
While she was carrying the weight of these things,
it began to rain.
The burdens became soaked,
which made them heavier.
She kept dragging on with a smile,
she knew that she couldn’t ask for help.
She knew that if she didn’t smile,
nobody would want her around.
So she suffered in silence.
Year after year, she put on a mask
as it became more and more difficult to hide
the strain in her face as her legs got weaker.
She was becoming exhausted and
couldn’t find any other path
to go down or a place to rest.
She just had to keep going.
She walked for 28 years
before she could no longer
handle the blisters on her feet.
She took her shoes off.
She left them somewhere
in case anybody else had to
walk this treacherous walk.
She walked into what seemed to be a dark tunnel.
She kept walking and waiting
for the light at the end, but it never came.
She walked right into her own demise.
A trap. Tunnels don’t always have
the promise of light at the end.
She never saw it coming.
28 years she walked only to find herself at a ledge.
She was tired. She stepped down.
She walked right into the void
and fell down a never ending hole.
She let go. She surrendered.
She waited for the thud,
but nothing came.
She just kept falling with all of her burdens in tow.
Everyone wondered where she went.
Where she ended up.
They never saw her again.
They found her shoes before the tunnel,
but nobody dare walk in them.
Nobody followed her path.
Nobody felt brave enough to enter the tunnel.
Nobody heard her story.
Nobody knew what she went through.
People would visit the spot where
her shoes remained and stare at them,
Puzzled.
Never understanding how she got so lost,
why she made such poor choices.
Nobody knew that the burdens
she was carrying all along
were whispering lies to her.
Bags full of snakes.
Bags full of painful memories
and harmful judgements.
Bags full of reminders of
everything lost along the way.
Bags full of taunts and torment.
Bags full of daggers she had to pull from her own back.
She was wounded.
Nobody saw because she wore a mask and a coat.
She bound herself to stop the bleeding,
so as not to alarm the masses.
Nobody ever asked.
They just envied her for her strength
and for having all of the things
that they assumed were trophies.
They just thought she was carrying
her winnings around to show off.
Nobody ever understood what was happening,
they just envied her smile.
Nobody ever once asked,
are you okay?
Where are you going?
What are you carrying?
Nobody cared enough to ask.
Nobody stopped her from entering the tunnel.
She wanted them to, but they never did.
She walked through the valley
of the shadow of death
and the shadow consumed her.
Alone is how she came into this town
and alone is how she left.
Apr 10, 2023
Apr 10, 2023 at 1:45 PM UTC
She refused to mold
To bend, to fold
Mended seem to seem
By the things that she had seen
Working hard to weave
The visions in her dreams
Into something beautiful,
Something pure and clean
Nothing could be taken
She refused to be forsaken
So she ran for the hills
To avoid all of the chills
She prayed to the skies
Asking Gods the “who’s” and “why’s”
Was this pure regression?
Self suppression?
Love?
Obsession?
These questions were quite pressing
But she sifted to find blessings
Somewhere in her pain,
She knew there’d be a lesson
She didn’t wish to lessen
The importance of her choices
But couldn’t sort her thoughts and feelings
From all of the voices
Clarity
She prayed
Each and every day
But still the dreams that haunted her
Sent her on her way ~
Apr 7, 2023
Apr 7, 2023 at 7:43 PM UTC