Drowning, sputtering
Stuttering happiness
Clapping small hands
Handling chaos
Chaotic surroundings
But I feel like I'm drowning
In gratefulness
Thankfulness
Feels like I can't deserve
Any of this
I am happy
Finally
Mar 18, 2020
Mar 18, 2020 at 1:56 PM UTC
I used to think there were healthy people and sick people.
Turns out there are no healthy people at all.
Everybody's got something.
My husband sometimes can't walk. And he sometimes can't breathe. And he sometimes can't eat. And he sometimes can't speak.
What about yours?
Sometimes I can't think.
And I can't get up.
And I can't stop thinking.
And I can't sit still.
And I can't start.
And I can't stop.
And I can't hope.
And I can't forget.
And I can never remember.
And I can't live.
And I can't die.
And I can't remember why.
Sometimes I want to just blip out of existence, like I never took up space to begin with.
Sometimes.
What about you?
What about you?
Feb 5, 2020
Feb 5, 2020 at 12:36 AM UTC
Temporary, yes.
But also forever.
Forever voices in my head.
Forever arguments.
Temporary relief, yes.
But never forever.
Feb 5, 2020
Feb 5, 2020 at 12:32 AM UTC
Here I am
Sitting alone
Thinking of your little fingers
Everyone else seems to take them for granted
But I will always love the work they do
Here's to you -
Little one -
I really hope you're having fun
Please don't grow up too fast
But I cannot wait to see the things you do
Here's to you
Oct 17, 2017
Oct 17, 2017 at 12:36 PM UTC
You chunk
You little cheese
I've know you less than 3
Months
And yet I love you
You know me
You smile when I walk in
And we start talking
You're covered in drool
And I love you
Sep 21, 2017
Sep 21, 2017 at 9:09 PM UTC
you have laughed
And you have cried
While You were always watching
And You had lived
And You had died
Before we were but hatchlings
And You were here
While you were there
Always fiercely protecting
And You by you
I learn the love
That keeps me from defecting
Sep 10, 2017
Sep 10, 2017 at 5:27 AM UTC
Plans move forward
I fight to move with them
Held back by what -
But my own head
I see my children's faces
Flashes, patterns
Today is a fight for them
Knowing they're on their way
Keeps me on mine
Jun 16, 2017
Jun 16, 2017 at 10:07 AM UTC
Anxiety makes familiar faces unfamiliar. My stomach aches in church. The monster in my head turns my loved ones into monsters also. No safety net, only cement. My pastor talks of Paul escaping Damascus, being lowered down a wall in a basket. I feel that sick swaying and tense fear. I am held in sleep but must keep moving. I am kept awake but feel sleep like a strait jacket. Save me God. My life is only nothing without You.
Jun 4, 2017
Jun 4, 2017 at 12:51 PM UTC
Depression isn't what you think.
It's not slicing wrists and crying.
Not for everyone.
Sometimes it's just a heavy blanket.
You get your work done.
Mostly, anyway.
But you don't leave your room.
You don't leave your bed.
You tell your boyfriend you're going to bed early, but you sit awake for hours.
You get a watermelon from the kitchen and eat it in bed with a spoon.
Lights off, juice dripping down your face.
Watermelon used to taste good.
Sleep used to be easy.
May 24, 2017
May 24, 2017 at 10:38 AM UTC
Don't make me go back inside
Please don't make me go
I think I might throw up
They all say "just grow up"
Don't make me go inside, I beg
Don't make go inside
May 18, 2017
May 18, 2017 at 5:12 PM UTC