The rain upon the window sill
reflects my mood inside
gloomy darkness, clouds, detached
cold lony tears I cry
Been many years since the sun hath fade
and many more the storms
I think, relive, that fateful day
now sadness is my norm
A plaything, puppet, on a string
entertainment on the side
was blinded by my happiness
hard reality now abides
I sit here dwelling all alone
her essence on my skin
my thoughts, the clouds, my everything
barely holds my soul within
A moment filled with life, I smile
now dust upon my heart
the strings have broken, my head held low
now dead, what love hath start
A simple thing had brought me life
now I sit up on her shelf
no thoughts of me, my feelings
now...
she only thinks about herself
An Awakening © 2017 Roberto Carlos
Mar 4, 2019
Mar 4, 2019 at 1:57 AM UTC
And whence the Vogel sang its song
awoken from my dreams
my flight against my destiny
prone helpless doth it seemed
I sat bestirred my heart afire
life's echoes raged in my mind
to rule what once - the best of me
oh.. so treacherous bane's design
I fell upon my knees in vain
screamed hoarse into the night
the rhythm of my blood, drained full
... ne'er concede the fight
All through the night my heart, bestilled
love's ichor 'pon the floor
my head held up, I would not yield
to lose her...
my soul abhorred
* A recurring dream
An Awakening © 2017 Roberto Carlos
Feb 20, 2019
Feb 20, 2019 at 12:28 PM UTC
I hear an echo within my heart
throughout my thoughts, resounding
each corner turned I can not find
lost in a way, confounding
The pain, the ache, deep misery
my heart, it still doth yearns
to hold her in my arms again
to feel her touch in turn
My memories play all through the night
sweet essence, everlast
aroma rich, sweet hair's perfume
my love for her - been cast
I cannot break these chains that bind
heart, sweat, and tears each link
I'll hold our love, our live's entwined
forever beyond the brink
Who am I to question love
though her life hath fade away
return to pray, I'm on my knees
lay flowers upon her grave
I hold my breath and live my life
though years have passed the nigh
undying love I oath to her
with tears yet in my eyes
*For those who have lost a loved one
An Awakening © Roberto Carlos
- March, 2010
Feb 12, 2019
Feb 12, 2019 at 9:09 PM UTC
Passionate Bibingka
1 stick butter
Warm to the touch, velvety smooth as your lips
1 box mochiko
Perfectly packaged, a mysterious confection, like your kiss
2 cups sugar
My old favorite, your taste - guaranteed to bring a sweet smile to my face
3 cups milk
Silky smooth and rich, reminiscent of your alabaster, supple, yet yielding skin
1 tsp vanilla
A taste and essence, a hint of passion, like you, driving me crazy with desire and yearning
3 eggs
The last ingredient that binds our love. Simple, filling, and of itself, whole, complete
Bake in a pan lined with banana leaves for 45 minutes at 350*. Let rest and enjoy, or enjoy, then, let's rest.
Hold in heated passion until golden brown and glistening with moisture. Toasty and tastey - our pleasure sated
An Awakening © 2019 Roberto Carlos
Feb 6, 2019
Feb 6, 2019 at 2:22 AM UTC
I spend lots of time now
just being alone
no texting, no emails
no Facebook, no phone
This turmoil I'm feeling
is not something new
it's been something that's been there
that had started then grew
I've tried to live life
by my own made up rules
always falling and stumbling
have acted the fool
I'd come to a crossroads
at this point in life
needed a change of direction
a path without strife
Lately life's challenges
have thrown me some curves
found myself praying
examining his words
He said, "Have faith, love, and patience
have a good heart throughout
though life's indiscretions
make you give in to doubt"
A sign he has shown me
though I'm in such dire pain
"New life cannot flourish
without patience and rain"
I went to church to pray, I mean really pray. It's been such a long time that I've gone to church with my heart my hands. I was at the lowest point spiritually, that I have ever been in my life - I asked for a sign
(It was a windy day. The sky was as overcast, cold, and cloudy, - my spirit and mood have much the same been the last few months).
He showed me a sign.
(At that exact moment, as I asked for him to help me, begging him... for him to listen... I felt a soft pressure on my right shoulder. It felt warm and comforing... as if someone had placed their hands upon me).
Tears came flowing from my heart, from my eyes, down my cheeks, neck, chin, and chest, to rest on to my clasped hands...
(I was the only one sitting at the back of the church, and as I looked over my shoulder, I noticed a large leaf had blown through an open window, and landed on my shoulder).
Now the tears came flooding from my soul!
So I'll give in, and not feel
that it's just up to me
I'll have true faith in the Lord
and take a, "Faith leap!"
Now with a heart
that's a loving and contrite
I'll trust in the Lord
to take up my fight
An Awakening © 2019 Roberto Carlos
Jan 9, 2019
Jan 9, 2019 at 12:51 PM UTC
He screams in his heart
silent screams in the cold
he screams till he's hoarse
till the pain leaves his soul
He can't look in her eyes
he knows of her sins
his thoughts of naught else
hides the torment within
He can't break these tight bonds
won't loose these strong ties
he'll hold to this life
wrought full of her lies
He gave her his all
gifted love's truth
she's used up his soul
his feelings are moot
He's come to a place
where he'd rather get burned
than wander abyss
suffer heartache and yearn
Venus, her name
her passion unbound
his curse and his passion
heart's rest nayever be found
But when 'tis his turn
her eyes looking his way
his scars all but forgotten
She... his love for a day
~Love finds peace~
Warm tears now flow freely
down the cheeks of his face
in her arms held so tightly
rue tomorrow's disgrace
An Awakening © 2019 Roberto Carlos
Jan 8, 2019
Jan 8, 2019 at 5:53 PM UTC
I met death tonight
he sat down by my side
we watch and prayed, in silent, mourn
over my father as he lied
Bells and voices barely heard
over the oxygen... silent breaths
I wondered to myself, alone
would he take his final rest
Hours passed in retrospect
I remembered through my life
a violent man, he lived in rage
a hard life so filled with strife
He laid there, life, still hanging on
as the fates met, rolled the dice
I would not know what they had read
but the room was cold as ice
Death turned his head and looked at me
said that all would be forgiven
but before Dad left this worldly coil
I'd have to release my hate, so driven
No matter what this man had done
I was his blood, his bone, his "Sire"
what kept him here was guilt, unsaid
and my heart so hard, on fire
As tears ran down my face and cheeks
I saw a light upon Dad's head
I swear I saw an angel's hand
...my heart filled full of dread
I looked upon the angel's eyes
I cried from my soul, so deep
I begged him for another chance
another day for Him, to keep
I spoke out loud, so my dad could hear
that I understood his pain, his torment
not a man of words, so proud, he was
tread a path so dark, abhorrent
It's then I saw in my father's eyes
as he looked deep in my soul
I felt his grief, his embarrassment
how he had lived his life so bold
Time stood still as we conversed
although not a word was said
then Death ahem'd, and said farewell
I could watch (And wait), in lieu, his stead
All through the night I prayed alone
that we both could have one more chance
to mend our broken "Aiga"
rebuild our familial anse
Before I knew... the morn had broke
the **** had crowed the day
we had missed his final slumber
but for long I could not say
I stood up tall and leaned his way
and kissed him upon his cheek
the hate had left us both... the same
so spent we could not weep
An Awakening © 12/07/2017 Roberto Carlos
Jan 7, 2019
Jan 7, 2019 at 8:41 PM UTC
Ruby, her passionate heart, it was
desires and lust were burning
too hot to the touch, I could not stand
yet she left me wanting and yearning
Diamond her spirit, and all that she was
reflecting her whims and her moods
an emotional whirlwind, a tempest untamed
her beauty and spirit, my food
Pearl, her lovely supple skin I did stroke
it's silky smoothness, soft, warm, & yielding
her essence so intoxicating to breathe
defenses broken and all that 'twas shielding
Sapphire, her eyes, cool blue fire burning
piercing my being to the core
no hidden agenda nor secrets could hide
saw the whole of me and much much more
Emerald, her thoughts, so wild and so green
exposing deep forbidden passions
her world of sensuality screamed
I lost all my reason, control, and my 'ration
Yet...
Onyx, her heart, so black and so cold
midnight's abyss nay compare
careful & wise the choice you must make
pray,
tread lightly if you must dare
An Awakening © 2019 Roberto Carlos
Jan 7, 2019
Jan 7, 2019 at 12:29 AM UTC
A tear falls into a lake that was created since you left. I cannot, to this day, remember the moment I sadly began to sheds tears for you
What was once a desolate dessert, now a boundless lake
The lake took an eternity to develop, as the ground was very parched and dry
At first, the arid wasteland I found myself in, had no beginning and no end
The sun was unforgiving, the land smoldering in the heat. The darkness of night, dry and freezing, stole the moisture of my tears before they hit the ground
Only in the early dawn hours could you see the remnants of my suffering, as dew drops on the few strands of grass in the shadowed areas, behind a large formation rocks I had found as refuge
Countless times the sun advanced, and as many times in the darkness, the moon looked down upon me with sadness
After what has seemed an eternity, I now find myself in the middle of a vast lake
I cannot see the shores in any direction I look. I feel alone and lost, but I do find a bit of comfort on the rocks that have been my soul's bastion and companion in my desolation
When I cry at night, the ripples of the tear drops I shed, send unending waves away from me to distant shores
Upon these ripples I see the moons' distorted reflection, the illusion of her smiles flashing up to me between the crowns of the water's reflection
The sun now brings warmth, and the night solace
Sometimes at night I can almost hear the echoes of my heartbeat
I believe the lake has restored part of my spirit. The water signifying my sacrifice and my contribution to life, promising growth.. the now gentle sun, promises life
I am almost ready to set off from my self-imposed solitude. I shall swim until I tire, with hopes of reaching a shore where I may once again regain my way
The only question I have
is
in which direction should I go?
An Awakening © 2019 Roberto Carlos
Jan 5, 2019
Jan 5, 2019 at 2:27 PM UTC
I saw the seventh temptress
descending ‘pon the stairs
her confidence bold, exuding
her power, and her airs
The men who looked, at once, upon
the vision of her beauty
their eyes were hard, their jaws were slack
to adore and lust their duty
Yes, every eye upon her stared
her spell, it had been cast
yes, every eye upon her looked
all.. except mine eyes were last
She looked upon and toward my way
and wondered how this could be
her spell had captured every heart and soul
all else except for me
How could I stay outside her whim
and not be so enthralled
a crease appeared between her brows
upon her head appeared a cloud
I for one, the only, seemed
she could not bend my will
how could she know I'd lost my heart
my soul in torment still
The power I did hold from her
was my lack, my broken heart
my eyes unfocused, myself denied
due... my spirit lost, cold, and hard
She had no power o'er me
in days gone by, the worst
of countless lovers from times the nigh
'twas I
I was her first
© An Awakening - Roberto Carlos 2019
Jan 4, 2019
Jan 4, 2019 at 3:56 PM UTC