I’m not sure what got me more—
the denial or the apathy,
when you said,
“That’s just you
being a lazy teenager,”
or when she said,
“Okay.
If you really wanna pay for it.”
Anticlimactic moments
but after working up to it,
should I have
expected anything differently?
After all the angst
and the put on confidence,
it just resulted in that,
and now I’ll go see
if there’s relief
to be found in a professional.
Dec 10, 2020
Dec 10, 2020 at 4:08 AM UTC
I have a million crushes—
and I think, deep down, it’s because
I’ve already accepted that not one of them
is ever going to like me back.
Somewhere along the line of
advocating for how fine I was,
how okay I was with being alone,
because I knew that I wasn’t, really,
I forgot that I’m still just one sappy
romantic, one soft heart hidden away,
one achey soul who loves to love.
I love loving people so much, and I just
want someone to love me back that much.
Aug 29, 2020
Aug 29, 2020 at 11:55 PM UTC
stomach full of lead
anticipating and ready
and scared
i want to see you again
but what if you hate me
or have forgotten your affection
i’m going home
or i’m leaving it
or it’s being swept out from under me
i’ve missed you
Aug 14, 2020
Aug 14, 2020 at 11:53 PM UTC
When I asked you what song reminded you of me,
you sent me one about a love curse—
about loving someone dearly and missing them,
and when I messaged you some joke about it,
not about the love curse but about the language,
wanting to clarify but not wanting to be direct,
you responded in what almost looked like nerves.
Neither of us brought up the love curse,
but you didn’t say anyone else made you think of a love song;
am I reading too much into it?
Aug 9, 2020
Aug 9, 2020 at 11:45 AM UTC
i want to be good enough
that other parents are impressed,
and i want to bring honor to you:
i want others to think highly of you.
i’m addicted to the feeling i get
when you say, “they were impressed by you.”
i want to be good enough
for you.
Aug 8, 2020
Aug 8, 2020 at 3:15 AM UTC
Braid the broken strands ‘till it’s like they’re meant to be there,
hold yourself together like you never fell apart—
rip at all your seams ‘cause you hate feeling fragile,
rather be a broken bone than a spindly work of art.
Jul 31, 2020
Jul 31, 2020 at 4:13 PM UTC
The sea needs no sirens to tempt me,
but I’d love to hear one—
it’d be an easy explanation
for the disappearance I’m craving.
Jul 28, 2020
Jul 28, 2020 at 1:20 PM UTC
My fingers are shaking—
is it dehydration or weariness?
Is it the weight of the world and my brother
saying, “Why didn’t you eat sooner?
What didn’t you go to sleep earlier?
Take care of yourself more.”
He’s just looking out for me.
Jul 24, 2020
Jul 24, 2020 at 11:25 PM UTC
Love is water:
life-saving in its clarity,
drowning in its obsession,
home in its depths,
terrifying in its unknowns,
refreshing in its cool and heat,
pausing in its ice,
steeping in its boil,
relaxing in its tranquility,
overwhelming in its tidal waves.
Jul 24, 2020
Jul 24, 2020 at 11:24 PM UTC
The ocean is not always blue—
sometimes it’s black,
intimidating and secretive and deep—
that being said, your eyes are full
of the sea over a trench at night,
and I am a diver,
not afraid but enticed.
Jul 24, 2020
Jul 24, 2020 at 1:46 PM UTC