It has been seven months since I have posted a poem,
Seven months since I have closed a tome.
Signed and sealed, a book collecting dust,
My gilded cage open, now collecting rust.
High School heat gave way to the gentle ocean's wisdom,
My life has taken such a turn, **** no word rhymes with wisdom.
Maybe I no longer have such a need for these words,
When I look back I think maybe poems are for nerds.
Nerds and artists who take themselves too seriously,
And seriously what the **** rhymes with seriously?
But too seriously is not how I have learned to look at me,
I am slowly learning to be ok with being free.
Health and life and joy and passion,
I have opened myself up in a quite painful fashion.
And I must learn to be kind to my past distractions,
I must learn to embrace how I was divided in fractions.
Fractions that now are becoming whole,
And how beautifully the word whole rhymes with soul.
My soul which no longer desires depressions,
But a soul that is willing to ask these questions.
Love and aching still burst my chest,
The weight of my youth can drown out the rest.
But I have healed and grown in these seven months,
**** I have done it again, nothing rhymes with months.
Mar 19, 2016
Mar 19, 2016 at 1:14 AM UTC
My hand is still locked in yours
My lips still hold fast to what I long adored
I rise each day and feel only cold and longing
Wishing our acropolis hadn’t washed away with the rain
Hoping your hand will find its way to my chest once again
You loved the greeks and I was your god
I was cast in bronze, you cast in marble
We both stand in the shadow of a city far and cold
But you rise two hours late and things are so different
And I miss our warm silent town and waking at the same time
And I ache to know that your form is not mine
That there wasn’t enough time in the world for us
That I cannot drink away your body with mine
And I miss knowing that the same stars shone over you and I
Whether or not we lay underneath them together
Sep 26, 2015
Sep 26, 2015 at 12:41 AM UTC
I hate this feeling that all is ending,
This waking fear that my heart is finally breaking.
A snap and a crack as the work breaks,
A scream and a tear as my ache blazes.
I am moving in shallow phases.
The moon above is casting these mazes.
I reel in fear that your touch is gone,
I ***** these words always laced with love.
A moment of fear before everything changes,
A rend in my soul as my body cries.
A year and fifteen more filled with these lies.
My eyes are blown wide in the light from your skies.
You are far away, so far away,
As my eyes bleed gold I have to play every scale.
I could stay on that field of stars forever with you,
Under the smoke my voice will still shake.
Forever and ever my soul will ache.
I am so afraid that even with this distance my love will not break.
Aug 23, 2015
Aug 23, 2015 at 10:37 PM UTC
And I don't want to think,
But in four weeks all this will fall away.
And I don't want to blink,
And miss all these days as they fly past my eyes.
My heart will not break,
As I leave this small and hollow place.
My entire life I have felt this ache,
I only hope it fades as I walk out my door.
I hope the fog clouds my troubled mind,
That he and I can walk the city whole.
I do not know exactly what I hope to find,
But I know I will never get it here.
In four weeks I will depart,
This waisted place that broke my soul.
I will use it all to create my art,
In an ocean city bright like gold.
Jul 11, 2015
Jul 11, 2015 at 5:35 PM UTC
These memories taste bitter like ash,
They burn my throat like the smoke we breathed in on your back porch last Friday.
The trees swept out over the brilliant mountain and I realized that remembering is a stupid decision,
Memory burns my throat and it doesn’t feel good to remember.
It doesn't feel good to remember my father's disappointment,
Or my mother’s sorrow that her boy didn't grow up to be enough of a man for her liking.
It doesn’t feel good to remember crying quietly on a late Saturday morning,
Or wanting to take my own life on a warm Sunday night.
Summer springs into my life just as a sore throat surprises you one morning
And you know you are getting sick,
The heat of the day and the loneliness of the night blur together
And I hold no joy in these months and their lazy solitude.
Yesterday I sat in the blinding sun with you by my side and together we ended an era,
But I still don’t know if I will finally be ok
And all I have is this sickening moment because I can’t remember but I am too afraid to look ahead.
Please promise me you wont forget,
But it may **** me to remember,
I hope one day I will be able to recall and feel at peace,
I don't want to forget this.
Jun 7, 2015
Jun 7, 2015 at 4:02 PM UTC
And these dark thoughts haven't left since the cold morning,
The night before I had once again tasted loneliness and his bitter sting,
And the empty dance of sweat and liquor,
The bodies lost in the night's embrace.
I have feared for my life too many times before,
A will to strike my own heart and and leave it bleeding,
I have walked this line again and again,
A mistake made three too many times.
The mistake of thinking anyone could want me,
To strip my soul of all that feels whole for a shot at empty passions,
The choice to throw myself, to be swept away in impossibility,
To believe for one second, that I could be desired.
But I am cracked, never whole, this sick soul lingers,
And I ache for the possibility that to be touched would heal my pain,
But that is no reality, and I know it is surely not mine,
And maybe I just want to feel empty.
If it means not waking up again on that cold morning.
May 6, 2015
May 6, 2015 at 12:41 AM UTC
Trust me when I say,
That all of this will wash away.
That the drought of this town,
Will be swept away with the lift of the crown.
A crown of thorn, so sacrilegious,
The darkness of you is charming and vicious.
I am swept away with the unbelievers,
The liars, the cheats, the broken deceivers.
But every one of them I love the same,
Because they are the ones who have called my name.
Swept away, oh I am swept away,
Talk me into the dark, kiss me into the day.
White stained black, a surprising mix,
I am not the one they wanted to fix.
I am not the one he wanted to love,
I am not one who is good enough to be above.
Swept away, please sweep me away,
I don’t want to stand in the light of day.
The light of day that burns my eyes,
The colored blue that hides my lies.
Apr 29, 2015
Apr 29, 2015 at 9:19 PM UTC
I am so happy you are happy, but why can't I be too?
Why does my mind ache at the very thought of you?
Why does my love weigh down on my chest like a stone?
Oh why does every little word you say cut me to the bone?
The future is a terrifying thing, so bound up in mystery,
But this moment is what feels real and I am haunted by our history.
Oh please be happy, my love I wouldn't have it any other way.
But please tell me you will touch me again in the light of day.
I look to the screen for proof of what I know,
Alone in our rooms we say what we can't face to face even though,
I know you love me, you know I love you too.
I just want to be happy, in this moment, here with you.
Apr 6, 2015
Apr 6, 2015 at 12:49 AM UTC
And the applause rings loud for your self hatred,
The audience cheers for your crippling hate.
As long as you’re funny you can’t be lonely,
If you keep up the show you can deter your fate.
Ignorance in youth, fallen from grace,
12 years at a petty game young souls and a hidden face.
Your heart breaks as the world watches,
And it makes for the most gripping show when it is up on a stage.
With everyone watching how can it be real?
With everyone looking so close they don’t see the cage.
Mar 30, 2015
Mar 30, 2015 at 8:41 PM UTC
He said you should write a poem to fix our fading spark,
He tries really hard, I can see his mark.
The green grass of our youth, so bright my flawless friend,
Opulence and paradise and heartbreak till the end.
But oh dear darling, summer's heat is gone,
And I have loved every second with you and Lana on the lawn.
Two minorities, understanding discrimination,
And a singular taste in music, no need to change the station.
But the ghost comes around to haunt,
And I have a bleeding heart to flaunt.
And I can't help that I'm a mess,
I am so sorry to have caused you so much stress,
Did I tell you how beautiful you are in that dress?
He really does love you, I can see it in your touch,
Why, oh why does seeing him hurt you and me so much?
No longer are we the lonely hearted lovers,
You have a body to hold under the covers.
But still aching for love I am just a foolish boy,
Still waking up lonely I am smashing my soul and busy being his toy.
Please still love me when I do far from what's best,
I know you love me I am so sorry for this test.
The ghost fills your heart,
My ghosts haunt my art.
And I am sorry I am fighting,
So sorry these teeth are biting,
But I promise you despite it all, I won't forget to tell you how lovely you are in this new lighting.
Mar 10, 2015
Mar 10, 2015 at 12:34 AM UTC