revenant - Hello Poetry

I understand (to the best of an 18 year old's respectively limited understanding) how the heart works, and I know how manipulation works. I'm damaged..I don't think I know what true love might be like, but I know what it feels like to receive it. I know what soulful intimacy is like. I know what it's like to trust someone with your life, but I only know that because I didn't have a choice. I know what it is to lay my mind and body down in submission in the lap of a mad man, and bow to whatever he wants, because you know it's not him, but the "other guy" talking. I know what it's like to think you can save someone if you sacrifice yourself. I know what I thought was love. I also know what it is to grow up and leave. I know what it is to turn around and bite the hand that fed me poison. I know what it's like to rip out and desecrate the heart of the one who thought he owned mine. I know what it is to be looked at like prey. I know what it is to feel the presence of hot breath on my neck, and have cold chills run down my body and have my stomach turn; legs twitch in anticipation of frantic flight. I know what it is to uproot my future-- my life, wrap my new tender roots in rough burlap, cram them into a small plastic bin, and run. I know not what it is to stop seeing his truck around every corner. I know not what it is to stop looking over my shoulder. I know not what it is to not be in fear in my own stomping grounds. I know not what it is to not think every set of dim headlights on the dark, unpopulated roads riding too close behind me are him. I know not what it is to breathe easy. I know running away once is not enough. I know I know I know I know I know I knew what I thought was love. I knew what I made were excuses for inexcusable actions. I knew I was wrong I knew he was wrong I knew I knEW I KNEW I knew he was poison..I didn't want to believe it..he was antifreeze..he was so sweet..honey and molasses and syrup and sap I was STUCK TO HIM LIKE A FLY ON FLYPAPER OH HOW I REGRET EVER SEEING HIS FACE OH GOD, and I when I left, part of me ripped away from my bones, and I'm bleeding out.. No. NO NO NO NO N-- He was a long, slow inhale of mustard gas; burning my lungs and cutting my breath short and sweet. Choking me. Choking me. Choking me. I know what I thought was love.

0

Jan 24, 2015

Jan 24, 2015 at 5:21 PM UTC

I know what I thought was love

I understand (to the best of an 18 year old's respectively limited understanding) how the heart works, and I know how manipulation works. I'm damaged..I don't think I know what true love might be like, but I know what it feels like to receive it. I know what soulful intimacy is like. I know what it's like to trust someone with your life, but I only know that because I didn't have a choice. I know what it is to lay my mind and body down in submission in the lap of a mad man, and bow to whatever he wants, because you know it's not him, but the "other guy" talking. I know what it's like to think you can save someone if you sacrifice yourself. I know what I thought was love. I also know what it is to grow up and leave. I know what it is to turn around and bite the hand that fed me poison. I know what it's like to rip out and desecrate the heart of the one who thought he owned mine. I know what it is to be looked at like prey. I know what it is to feel the presence of hot breath on my neck, and have cold chills run down my body and have my stomach turn; legs twitch in anticipation of frantic flight. I know what it is to uproot my future-- my life, wrap my new tender roots in rough burlap, cram them into a small plastic bin, and run. I know not what it is to stop seeing his truck around every corner. I know not what it is to stop looking over my shoulder. I know not what it is to not be in fear in my own stomping grounds. I know not what it is to not think every set of dim headlights on the dark, unpopulated roads riding too close behind me are him. I know not what it is to breathe easy. I know running away once is not enough. I know I know I know I know I know I knew what I thought was love. I knew what I made were excuses for inexcusable actions. I knew I was wrong I knew he was wrong I knew I knEW I KNEW I knew he was poison..I didn't want to believe it..he was antifreeze..he was so sweet..honey and molasses and syrup and sap I was STUCK TO HIM LIKE A FLY ON FLYPAPER OH HOW I REGRET EVER SEEING HIS FACE OH GOD, and I when I left, part of me ripped away from my bones, and I'm bleeding out.. No. NO NO NO NO N-- He was a long, slow inhale of mustard gas; burning my lungs and cutting my breath short and sweet. Choking me. Choking me. Choking me. I know what I thought was love.

19

Loving someone just like me was terrible. We were a twister; a ball of flames-- so destructive, that we burnt everyone in our wake. I'm so sorry. We broke every bed, and smashed every ******* hope and dream our parents had for us. We screamed and yelled and decimated each other to the brink of permanent dislocation, and then you shoved me over the cliff. My, what a cliff that was.. **** me? No. **** you. We shattered every bone in our bodies violently explaining how "right" one of us was, but we only proved how fatally stubborn we really are. We rode the waves of life ******** That was a mistake. We shot up the night, and drank up the tragedies like drunks fresh out of a failed rehab stint, as they rolled over us like rock crushers-- hair of the dog that bit you; "it's good for poetry", they said. Never a dull moment for us Abuser Never a craving I want what I had back Never a quiet moment We used to scream so loud.. Never left wanting more I want more than a manipulator. Never a deeper sadness than what we create together **** straight** I don't love you anymore.

0

Dec 12, 2014

Dec 12, 2014 at 3:57 AM UTC

Resurrection of days long dead.

Loving someone just like me was terrible. We were a twister; a ball of flames-- so destructive, that we burnt everyone in our wake. I'm so sorry. We broke every bed, and smashed every ******* hope and dream our parents had for us. We screamed and yelled and decimated each other to the brink of permanent dislocation, and then you shoved me over the cliff. My, what a cliff that was.. **** me? No. **** you. We shattered every bone in our bodies violently explaining how "right" one of us was, but we only proved how fatally stubborn we really are. We rode the waves of life ******** That was a mistake. We shot up the night, and drank up the tragedies like drunks fresh out of a failed rehab stint, as they rolled over us like rock crushers-- hair of the dog that bit you; "it's good for poetry", they said. Never a dull moment for us Abuser Never a craving I want what I had back Never a quiet moment We used to scream so loud.. Never left wanting more I want more than a manipulator. Never a deeper sadness than what we create together **** straight** I don't love you anymore.

25

My skin itches for the razor's quick, clean kiss

0

Nov 30, 2014

Nov 30, 2014 at 5:34 PM UTC

Untitled

My skin itches for the razor's quick, clean kiss

1

Raining and thunder and lightening and frightened What happened to sunshine? Cold and starving and desperate; hopeless and desolate What happened to grace? Drown me in the waves crashing about in your mind Filet my heart with your calloused hands Love me in the pit of your stomach, where hatred lies anything but dormant Kiss me with everyone you are Destroy me in your wake You are a burning church, and I am face-down in the Holy Water screaming out hymns; trying to drown out the flames. I love you

0

Oct 28, 2014

Oct 28, 2014 at 10:28 AM UTC

Face-down in the Holy Water

Raining and thunder and lightening and frightened What happened to sunshine? Cold and starving and desperate; hopeless and desolate What happened to grace? Drown me in the waves crashing about in your mind Filet my heart with your calloused hands Love me in the pit of your stomach, where hatred lies anything but dormant Kiss me with everyone you are Destroy me in your wake You are a burning church, and I am face-down in the Holy Water screaming out hymns; trying to drown out the flames. I love you

14

You are the cool night breeze through my hair. You are the cigarette smoke in the air. You are the stinging in my mouth. You are the place I want to build my house. You are the kiss on my face. You are ancient feelings now misplaced. You are crystal clear waters and the mud on my tires. You are the night we claim as "ours". You are heated breath and sleepless hours. You are the flames and explosions unto my towers.

0

Oct 8, 2014

Oct 8, 2014 at 5:43 PM UTC

And around we go

You are the cool night breeze through my hair. You are the cigarette smoke in the air. You are the stinging in my mouth. You are the place I want to build my house. You are the kiss on my face. You are ancient feelings now misplaced. You are crystal clear waters and the mud on my tires. You are the night we claim as "ours". You are heated breath and sleepless hours. You are the flames and explosions unto my towers.

6

Love is an open door, but so are your legs.

0

Oct 8, 2014

Oct 8, 2014 at 3:45 AM UTC

Seriously? (10w)

Love is an open door, but so are your legs.

2

I hate you

0

Sep 25, 2014

Sep 25, 2014 at 3:19 AM UTC

I want to bury myself in books; to not be here. There is a gnawing at my heart that will. not. stop. There is a pain in my soul; a weight upon my chest; an edge to my voice-- a falter in my wall of defense. I cannot bear this weight of stupidity radiating out from the immature idiots surrounding me. I cannot exist in such an environment. I need to go I need to go I need to go I am tired I am weary I am DONE. Shut up. Stop Just Stop. I cannot eat. I cannot function. They are a detriment to my very existence. What chaos leaving Chaos has erupted in my present day. You are so childish, so rank, so foolish. Grow up. Grow up and leave me. I need to go I need to go I need to go Escape. Escape. I need to be alone. There is a groaning in my bones that cannot be quiet. Quiet QUiet QUIet QUIEt QUIET I need quiet.

0

Sep 2, 2014

Sep 2, 2014 at 5:31 PM UTC

I need quiet

I want to bury myself in books; to not be here. There is a gnawing at my heart that will. not. stop. There is a pain in my soul; a weight upon my chest; an edge to my voice-- a falter in my wall of defense. I cannot bear this weight of stupidity radiating out from the immature idiots surrounding me. I cannot exist in such an environment. I need to go I need to go I need to go I am tired I am weary I am DONE. Shut up. Stop Just Stop. I cannot eat. I cannot function. They are a detriment to my very existence. What chaos leaving Chaos has erupted in my present day. You are so childish, so rank, so foolish. Grow up. Grow up and leave me. I need to go I need to go I need to go Escape. Escape. I need to be alone. There is a groaning in my bones that cannot be quiet. Quiet QUiet QUIet QUIEt QUIET I need quiet.

37

Electricity doesn't fly off of your fingers and rip it's way into the bones of mine. Your hands are worn and clammy, instead. I don't feel a deeper meaning when you stare into my eyes like a cat before he pounces. I feel a longing for understanding, and a desire for comfort and solace in the anonymity of a breath of fresh air; in a new, and perhaps forgettable face. Trust to care for valuable possessions doesn't translate to "friend"-- especially in such a finite amount of time. Yet, there's something in the tone of your chicken fried, velvet chocolate voice that tells me otherwise. Perhaps I am a challenge; an intellectual conquest. Never the matter, something is brewing, and I want a sip.

0

Aug 9, 2014

Aug 9, 2014 at 3:15 AM UTC

A newness to life

Electricity doesn't fly off of your fingers and rip it's way into the bones of mine. Your hands are worn and clammy, instead. I don't feel a deeper meaning when you stare into my eyes like a cat before he pounces. I feel a longing for understanding, and a desire for comfort and solace in the anonymity of a breath of fresh air; in a new, and perhaps forgettable face. Trust to care for valuable possessions doesn't translate to "friend"-- especially in such a finite amount of time. Yet, there's something in the tone of your chicken fried, velvet chocolate voice that tells me otherwise. Perhaps I am a challenge; an intellectual conquest. Never the matter, something is brewing, and I want a sip.

9

"Gladly lost in the depths of you" What depths? How am I lost? I'm lost in a puddle. I'm standing ankle deep in fluff; in disappointment. Some days, I wish things were different Some days, I wish we were two of a kind Some days.. But I fear loving someone just like me would be terrible. We would be a twister; a ball of flames-- so destructive, that we would burn everyone in our wake. We would break every bed, and smash every hope and dream our parents' had for us. We would scream and yell and decimate each other to the brink of permanent dislocation, but never over the cliff. My, what a cliff that would be.. We would break every bone in our bodies violently explaining how "right" one of us was, but only proving how fatally stubborn we really are. We would ride the waves of life ******** We would shoot up the night, and drink up the tragedies like a drunk fresh out of a failed rehab stint, as they roll over us like rock crushers-- hair of the dog that bit you; it's good for poetry, they say. Never a dull moment for us Never a craving Never a quiet moment Never left wanting more Never a deeper sadness than what we create together But perhaps it's a mistake wanting more than you Perhaps you're keeping me from destruction Perhaps your holding me back is a blessing Perhaps I need you more than my heart realizes Perhaps it's better this way Perhaps I don't need to ever fall in love with someone like me Lord knows I can't seem to love myself What makes me think I would love my true other half?

0

Aug 5, 2014

Aug 5, 2014 at 11:29 PM UTC

Someone like me

"Gladly lost in the depths of you" What depths? How am I lost? I'm lost in a puddle. I'm standing ankle deep in fluff; in disappointment. Some days, I wish things were different Some days, I wish we were two of a kind Some days.. But I fear loving someone just like me would be terrible. We would be a twister; a ball of flames-- so destructive, that we would burn everyone in our wake. We would break every bed, and smash every hope and dream our parents' had for us. We would scream and yell and decimate each other to the brink of permanent dislocation, but never over the cliff. My, what a cliff that would be.. We would break every bone in our bodies violently explaining how "right" one of us was, but only proving how fatally stubborn we really are. We would ride the waves of life ******** We would shoot up the night, and drink up the tragedies like a drunk fresh out of a failed rehab stint, as they roll over us like rock crushers-- hair of the dog that bit you; it's good for poetry, they say. Never a dull moment for us Never a craving Never a quiet moment Never left wanting more Never a deeper sadness than what we create together But perhaps it's a mistake wanting more than you Perhaps you're keeping me from destruction Perhaps your holding me back is a blessing Perhaps I need you more than my heart realizes Perhaps it's better this way Perhaps I don't need to ever fall in love with someone like me Lord knows I can't seem to love myself What makes me think I would love my true other half?

29