I know God is lonely
He gave me arms to hold him
I know God is lonely
Because when I hold him
And our hearts are side by side
They start to beat together
As if this entire time
His heart was looking for another
To prove that someone cared
That someone loved him
I know God is lonely
Because when I sit in the rain
Burning joint between my lips
And no one around to watch
The rain seeps to my bones
So that sitting by your side near the fire
Will be sweeter for it
I know God is lonely
Because we are apart
And I am lonely
Dec 18, 2023
Dec 18, 2023 at 11:30 PM UTC
Maybe I don't have enough tears
Maybe no amount of tears would be adequate
I find myself shaking
Screaming
Retching
And in all my misery
Still I do not have you
And I can not cry an ocean
I can not cry a single tear
Dec 18, 2023
Dec 18, 2023 at 11:28 PM UTC
Swallow them down
Lumps of coal leaving dust in my throat
Cough once
Cough twice
Spit out black coal dust
Brush my teeth
In my chest
Or sometimes my stomach
The pressure builds
When I *****
And my stomach wretches
And my heart seizes
They'll climb back up my esophagus
Edges sharpened
Reflecting crimson gore
From the paths they cut as they came back out
If coal can turn into diamonds
Can my "self restraint"
Turn a bitten tongue into silver?
I cut my voice on diamonds
They looked like rubies when I spit them out
Dec 5, 2023
Dec 5, 2023 at 2:54 AM UTC
My sister has curly hair
From day one
She has cut and burned it at every chance
Her hair is dark and thick
Like our fathers
I wish I had his hair instead
I wish the follicles on my head
Wernt thin and brittle
And quick to fall
Would that make me a man?
My sister has a flat chest,
My ******* have been called the best
My family and friends alike
She calls her own chest, childlike
If we traded, and my breath was unstressed
If they fell from my body
Would that make me a man?
What an unjust God
Who would give us bodies
That did not fit our souls
What cruel diety
Would leave us feeling
So cramped
Jun 15, 2023
Jun 15, 2023 at 11:38 PM UTC
There is a scream stuck in the back of my throat
But this body is not mine
So I cannot let it out.
This scream is generational
An heirloom who's barers begged to not pass on
They were given no choice
This scream wraps it's claws around my words
It wants them to help lift it out
But my voice is too small to be a vessel for so much pain.
Did this scream taste like blood at the back of my grandmother's throat?
Does it taste like blood at the back of yours?
If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?
If I scream towards the sky and you cover your ears, will your God hear it?
Will you put our faces in the dirt because you do not like the look in our eyes?
Will you say you have been cut when we spit ****** mud at your face?
There is a scream stuck in the back of my throat
It is my birthright, this clawing grief
My condolences to whoever bears it next.
Mar 28, 2023
Mar 28, 2023 at 4:09 PM UTC
Why have you come to sit upon my shoulder?
Demon in my ear you curse my waking days
When was it first that your foul words came to echo along my own thoughts?
From which abyss where you hatched?
Did the fiendish imp upon my mother's back spawn for me my undying companion?
Lord of lies your tongue is not silver.
White hot it sears me, every word a brand on my moral conscience.
Was it from birth then, that you came too me?
What burden to me which you and your kin have become.
I cannot pry your talons from my flesh with any more ease than pulling my very thoughts from my head.
Foul futures you whisper to me.
The world is set aflame by forlorn candles in the mornings and perhaps by the left wing of a monarch I am painted blue in the night.
I am beset with the scars of your care.
Hold me gently while you serenade me with tales about the noises in the night.
Perhaps tell me again about how the crash I have just heard was poison falling from the cabinet to feed the cat who will surely now foam at the mouth and die.
I will get up to find him and tell you that you are wrong.
And then something will rattle and bid me here you speak again.
Dec 29, 2022
Dec 29, 2022 at 3:51 AM UTC
God is a woman
She pulls off her headscarf
And stares down bullets
And lays bleeding and dead
God is a woman
And she is pregnant in Texas
With the child of her uncle
And she will scream when her body is ripped open
God is a woman
She wears a black eye
It has love written all over it
She was told it was a lesson
God is a woman
Crying over the Graves of her children
Clutching the earth as if it would swallow her
Dasies will grow where her tears land
God is a woman
Her skin is dark like rich soil
And she is cursed as Cassandra
Her words always falling on deaf ears
God is a woman
And she is burning
Her rivers and oceans are choking
Greed has poisoned Her
God is a woman
And you have ***** and murdered Her
You have turned your eyes and ears away
You only turn back with begging hands
God is a woman
And when you next bludgeon her with love
May she take your eyes from your head
And finally you will see that you have killed yourselves.
Oct 3, 2022
Oct 3, 2022 at 7:06 PM UTC
If I could
Pull my clockwork heart out
From my chest and point
To every gear that refuses to tick
If I could
I would dismantle it in front of you
To show you where
And why it gave out
If I could
I would show you the gear
Unattached to any other
Spining desperately
Because it doesn't know
It's spinning along and for nothing
If I could
I would tell you I think
That I didn't know
That clockwork was so delicate
I think I have clumsy hands
And I broke a few parts
Trying to fix it
If I could
I would give you the windup key
To stab me in the back and twist it
Hoping for something to click into place
But I can't.
I gunked up the keyhole
Hope and fear don't mix well
Like chewing gum they stick
And mix until they're both brown
I can't
Reach that little gear
Spinning so relentlessly
I can't oil it
And stop it from screaming
Screeching so loudly
At all the other gears around it
That won't turn no matter how fast it goes
I can't
Turn each gear by hand
I've tried
No one warned me
That clockwork hearts are warm
And bruise so easily
If I could
I would take up my clockwork heart
In my clumsy callous hands
Feeling it's hummingbird wing beats
Struggling in Morse code
Begging and pleading
To be held gently
If I could
I think maybe I would grip it
Feel it sputter and struggle
Like every time before
Just for clockwork gears
To grind together
To spark for all the wrong reasons
If I could
I would squeeze just a bit more
Until the last spinning gear halted
I would sob as I crushed it
Because it's already bruised and sore
If I could
I would be gental and lay it down
Let it hummingbird wings beat
And see that it's a cog in a dying machine
If I could
I would let it go cold
Numb it so the bruises stop hurting
I would put it to rest for pities sake
If I could
I would be soft with it
But I have clumsy callous hands
And cruelty will have to do
I would dare to call it mercy
If it would justify my tears
Nov 6, 2021
Nov 6, 2021 at 5:49 PM UTC
Blood of my blood
Prints in the sand
Red it has fallen
From where we now stand
Breath of my lungs
Exhale and lay
The sorrows have yet to pass
The tears that were shed
Have left for the dead
To the end of the day at last
Blood of my blood
Born of my name
Rebel all you like
And see we are same
Plan your escape
Use whispers and lies
Understand I see through your eyes
Daughter and son
The door to life is through pain
So blood of my blood
Wash yourself in the rain
Sep 8, 2021
Sep 8, 2021 at 5:49 PM UTC
Dash now my hopes on foreign shores
Let the distant ocean stake her claim
She cannot do any further harm
Than silver devils who have done the same
Thoughts of the heart are unrelenting
Yet bared teeth have made
The tongue they bite awfully craven
They dare not utter what the heart may say
Aug 2, 2021
Aug 2, 2021 at 4:47 PM UTC