Ah, another year has passed.
2017 was arduous. It was also compelling and inconsistent.
It's the year I turned 21- a turn of life.
I was stuck between two personas- who I was and who I am now.
They kept fighting on who was right.
But who was right always won.
And the loser had to be left behind.
2017 was the year I became a pirate.
A pirate who discovered her treasures. I became wealthy!
I found ideas, answers, self-knowledge, and understanding.
But I also found junk. It terrorized me.
I found sadness, anxiety, doubt, shame, grief and fear.
It drove me mad. Like, really mad.
And I'm still figuring my way out.
2017 also dressed up as someone.
A man in a white coat with a stern face;
Demanding, intimidating, convincing.
A man who kept talking about striving to be finer than I was.
But isn't that what we all want?
To be finer, exquisite, laudable?
We continue to strive to do the unthinkable.
Even if we kind of loose grip on reality.
Even if we have to lie and say awful things.
Even if at the end of the day, we lie down and ask, "Was it worth it?"
2017 allowed me to meet great people.
People who reminded me that I am still young.
That everything I have now will soon change into something else.
That it's okay to bow my head when things get rough.
That God hears all prayers.
That I should embrace my parents in a tight hug and make them feel loved.
That confusion will always find its solution.
That it's okay to cease communication.
That I should appreciate my unique personality.
That kindness will always be the best choice.
That death is inevitable. We will all die.
That you can never have it all.
That respect is earned and not demanded.
That I should occasionally write about how I feel.
That education is life.
That sadness will always end.
That happiness doesn't last.
That life's not fair.
That sometimes it doesn't get better.
That sometimes it does get better.
Jan 1, 2018
Jan 1, 2018 at 2:21 AM UTC
is it bad
to want
to confirm
to know
whether someone
is gay
or false
by gay
i meant
meow killa
by false
i meant
straight and
a bore
because one
thing is
for sure
someone is
a unicorn
kendall jenner
of course
Jul 26, 2017
Jul 26, 2017 at 5:34 AM UTC
Half-way through the year
got a new phase to adhere
A new vision in life
that would push me to be right
No more sad songs
no more falling where I don't belong
Build a place I can call home
may it be like Paris or Rome
No more saying, 'Is it July yet?'
only that would make me grumpy, I bet
Collect a set of motivation
I could use for satisfaction
Half-way through the year
got a new phase to adhere
A new vision in life
that would push me to be right
No more I did this for them
as I don't want to end up in mayhem
More I did this for me
that's what's all important, you see
No more flowing impulses
'cause this world's full of repulses
More mindfulness on what I do
'cause I don't want to lose another you
Jun 20, 2017
Jun 20, 2017 at 2:26 AM UTC
I miss you everyday
although I try not to in every way
You still orchestrate my heart
even though it's been months that we're apart
I miss you everyday
and all the time, i would pray
that we'll be back together again
Maybe time will be our friend
I miss you everyday
It's just as if you're not away
like we never completely fell apart
like all that we have is a chance to start
I miss you everyday
can we just meet halfway?
Back to where we used to be
full of love, You and Me.
Feb 26, 2017
Feb 26, 2017 at 7:16 AM UTC
Hello, you
Yes, you
Go to hell
In there you're well
Here's a finger
hope this lingers
For a person like you
destroying mood, all you do
Talk behind
like a coward blind
say small talks
trashing and stalks
Have you seen the trash can?
Oh, over there you stand
Say it one more time
Your breathe smells like swine
Go to hell
In there you're well
Goodbye to you
Yes, you
Oct 8, 2016
Oct 8, 2016 at 11:05 AM UTC
I want to tell you about my friend
her name rhymes softly as maiden
She used to bring the sun in the room
now all she has in herself is the moon
Not long time ago her eyes would show
a story so perfect no one would know
that there will come a time
when everything will be out of line
Now alone is a word she would not have known
if she hadn't dialed that number on the phone
Did she failed love?
Or did love failed her?
In a world full of ignorance
in a world full of missed chances
All she did was to love a boy
but is love really enough?
She tried to change herself
improve herself, trust herself
Be better and better each day
be someone new, she prays
Maybe love would come back
maybe love would find her back
Too bad she did not know
Love never really left her
Hidden between valleys of shadows
is the Love to get rid of her sorrow
A Love she deeply craves today
I just hope she gains back someday
Oct 2, 2016
Oct 2, 2016 at 1:59 AM UTC
15 minutes felt like 6 months
Do you know that?
Laying on bed, dark room
Sound of music from the radio
Rainy weather, dry throat
Huge sweater, fetal position
15 minutes felt like 6 months
Do you know that?
Don't know what to do
Don't know what to say
Don't know what to find
Looking forward to nothing
15 minutes felt like 6 months
Simple sky in my head
No sun, just clouds
Will rain, will rain
No sunshine, no sunshine
Heart beats last lifetime
No complex thoughts of tomorrow
Just teardrops of yesterday
15 minutes felt like 6 months
Do you know that?
Don't know if wasting
Don't know but enjoying
Jul 7, 2016
Jul 7, 2016 at 7:39 AM UTC
How sad it is to create a world of fantasies
that you know **** well wouldn't happen in real life
But somehow along building that dreamlike catastrophe
you see yourself slowly wandering in a world of bliss
in a world where you are the lead character
and every trees and every clouds are smiling at you
And you know **** well you'd never cry the way you do
no thoughts of quitting
unloving
hating
leaving
pain
it's all a loophole of sunrise
almost ending with a gorgeous sunset
and with you
hand in hand
is someone you badly wish
to be madly in love with you
Apr 9, 2016
Apr 9, 2016 at 2:25 AM UTC
it is silent
after the storm
everything seems dead
dry, cracked, messed
where is life?
everywhere i look
same plain color
everything seems dead
black, white, gray
where is life?
held a pebble
from dried ground
everything seems dead
flowers, grass, insects
where is life?
there up above
same cloudless sky
everything seems dead
sun, moon, stars
where is life?
called out loud
none answered back
everything is dead
yesterday, today, tomorrow
where is life?
Jan 17, 2016
Jan 17, 2016 at 5:41 AM UTC
Let me go
Let me go because I am not the same anymore
Let me go because we are not the same anymore
Don't ask me to fix bridges
Don't ask me to do stitches
And try not looking at the old pictures
And try not thinking of our lost scriptures
Be good to yourself
Be kind to yourself
You will be alright
You will be fine
It's a brand new day tomorrow
It's a new chance to clear the sorrow
Have patience
Have courage
Let me go
Let us go
Jan 6, 2016
Jan 6, 2016 at 6:57 PM UTC