Uncommitted as ever
Yet I convinced myself this is better
Better than the cold I feel
Inside my head nothing is real
Eaten alive by my own demons
Yet I still thrive for no reason
Given no proof that you'll stay
Settling with just pushing it all away
I've decided I won't care
I don't want to be made aware
So let me forget how to live
We both know I've got nothing to give
Everything's been taken from me
And I just don't want to be....
Dec 3, 2014
Dec 3, 2014 at 3:41 AM UTC
I watched
As you held on with every breath
I laughed
When you had nothing left
I smiled
At every mistake you made
I stopped
When I saw that I was unsafe
I saw
The thing that hurt you beyond belief
I felt
The blade that cut you so **** deep
I cried
For all the same reasons
I stayed
When you would've made the choice to leave...
Dec 3, 2014
Dec 3, 2014 at 1:57 AM UTC
Cheerful was the day I was handed the family heirloom
It's funny how something simple can give you such hope
The kind of hope a toddler has when their mind is still pure
Purity like when you first discover what mint smells like and your parents are still your bedrock
All that yeilds when your present and future diffuse
Like the future of having 2 jobs that clash and you barely know how to use a ******* toolbar.
And the realization that soon enough you'll just be a corpse full of maggot larvae.
Then your only hope is maybe one day you'll be discovered as a fossil.
Sep 18, 2014
Sep 18, 2014 at 11:28 PM UTC
Deep within something that doesn't exist
Or far away from someone you can't resist
That is where you find your purpose.
The reason you're supposed to live.
Only then will you truly know sanctity.
Only then can you really excell.
Some of us won't make it.
We will lay in these beds of insanity.
'Long as we have that one we can't resist
'Long as we know they simply exist
Sep 17, 2014
Sep 17, 2014 at 11:46 PM UTC
There are so many things I wish I could tell you.
The books I've read, & even this dark life I've led
But you aren't here.
How long has it been? 4 years?
I'm going through a lot right now.
Can you see me? Are you looking down?
I wish you could still wipe my tears & tell me it'll be okay.
Help me believe in myself just so I'll make it another day.
I remember when you would hold my face and kiss me on the forehead.
You told me in life I would always be ahead.
I feel like I've proven you wrong. I'm so far behing & I just want to give up,
But I can't. Everytime I try to say goodbye...
I see another Dragonfly.
Sep 17, 2014
Sep 17, 2014 at 12:02 AM UTC
I watch as the already exhaled smoke floats in front of me
Dancing decievingly
Convincing me it isn't leaving.
Unfortunately I've convinced myself the same
The smoke fades nearly unnoticed
See, I'm not a fool & I'm far too observant not to notice
Although not foolish, I foolishly believe the smoke will stay
And as the smoke drifts about I notice my own pattern...
I always convince myself that when its practically impossible, something or someone will stay. Just like this cigarette, this pattern is killing me. slowly
The smoke finally disappears into the crisp air
This time I sigh in relief
Sep 16, 2014
Sep 16, 2014 at 10:26 PM UTC
Sitting here watching you
sleep
Wondering if your dreams are
sweet
Knowing you'll always be mommies
baby boy
Sep 16, 2014
Sep 16, 2014 at 1:48 PM UTC
I tell him to go deep.
Deep into my soul
I tell him to go harder.
To break down my walls
I tell him to go faster.
I needed our ******
All that's said and done.
I lay here legs shaking & out of breath.
Exhausted
Now I'm alone.
He did all that work.
Built me up.
Just to leave me to pick up my pieces
Sep 16, 2014
Sep 16, 2014 at 1:30 PM UTC
Yours.
Who am I?
You know me.
How do you know?
I bare all I am with you.
All my walls have been broken.
I finally saw the best in you tonight.
A side of you I could never really see.
All because you would never let me.
I'm questioning if it's even real.
Maybe I was just dreaming.
Your eyes reassure me.
Kiss me soft now.
I know you.
Mine.
Sep 16, 2014
Sep 16, 2014 at 1:17 PM UTC