rebecca-lawson - Hello Poetry

the shadow people told me one thing- they know that i'm no good creeping away, make me anything else something was under my skin so i'm naked and bleeding out in your bathroom, again all these fumes could make me choke blue and twisted up like the day i was born wake up covered in it, another failed attempt at reasoning i know that i'm no good

0

Nov 17, 2016

Nov 17, 2016 at 2:56 PM UTC

helium

the shadow people told me one thing- they know that i'm no good creeping away, make me anything else something was under my skin so i'm naked and bleeding out in your bathroom, again all these fumes could make me choke blue and twisted up like the day i was born wake up covered in it, another failed attempt at reasoning i know that i'm no good

11

allow the burn, i must not look back to that slave, that delusion, swallowing dust, mockingbird knife song, i'm nestled in her wings until I plummet to the earth candy poison, ashes limping, i kissed her, i buried her the stardust and the bars and the rust, my carmen, in a haze of her sick murmurs

0

Jul 22, 2015

Jul 22, 2015 at 5:55 AM UTC

summer's gone

allow the burn, i must not look back to that slave, that delusion, swallowing dust, mockingbird knife song, i'm nestled in her wings until I plummet to the earth candy poison, ashes limping, i kissed her, i buried her the stardust and the bars and the rust, my carmen, in a haze of her sick murmurs

10

they are beneath the darkness of the ocean, they see me, i can't see them, they are in the pit of my stomach, screeching, should we do it? should we do it? they are blood clots, scissors, wake up covered in sweat, wake up covered in ***** they are trapped between my mother's teeth and she was screaming she was screaming. no reflection, evil little girl, shaking, scratching, i can't get below the skin. not here.

0

Jul 19, 2015

Jul 19, 2015 at 12:00 AM UTC

too much

they are beneath the darkness of the ocean, they see me, i can't see them, they are in the pit of my stomach, screeching, should we do it? should we do it? they are blood clots, scissors, wake up covered in sweat, wake up covered in ***** they are trapped between my mother's teeth and she was screaming she was screaming. no reflection, evil little girl, shaking, scratching, i can't get below the skin. not here.

1

the shepard dragged me to the pasture and i grazed until my teeth were stained he made a bed for me to lie in swaddled in the dirt and chains he makes me bleed and pray for mercy i am good, i stay on my knees i need guidance and discipline, a hole in my stomach, a sliver of release he comes to beat me and set me free forgotten, forgiven, for penance, for shame at stake and trembling in an endless need a swollen paper doll, needle in the hay

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Jul 14, 2015

Jul 14, 2015 at 3:00 AM UTC

psalm

the shepard dragged me to the pasture and i grazed until my teeth were stained he made a bed for me to lie in swaddled in the dirt and chains he makes me bleed and pray for mercy i am good, i stay on my knees i need guidance and discipline, a hole in my stomach, a sliver of release he comes to beat me and set me free forgotten, forgiven, for penance, for shame at stake and trembling in an endless need a swollen paper doll, needle in the hay

12

beat me up on the playground, make me bleed like first grade knees to the sidewalk, flower girl selfish little prayer, white socks, cyclops god why have you abandoned me? i believe he loves me because i am an ashtray; every bone in my body is begging to be broken. helpless lamb, fairy tears i bruise, shiver, and melt with the snow.

0

Apr 23, 2015

Apr 23, 2015 at 1:01 PM UTC

hopscotch

beat me up on the playground, make me bleed like first grade knees to the sidewalk, flower girl selfish little prayer, white socks, cyclops god why have you abandoned me? i believe he loves me because i am an ashtray; every bone in my body is begging to be broken. helpless lamb, fairy tears i bruise, shiver, and melt with the snow.

11

i’m trying to twist my terror into something that can hold me, a cradle for my baby heart, my suckling soul. i want my crown, i want my safe place to bleed, laid out like a snow angel, ****** queen. my body is a cemetery and i cannot sleep here, i’m a china doll, the earth cracked my skull. every sound makes me wail like an infant ghost, nameless and buried in the morning. dolores haze, barefoot in the garden, singing lullabies for my childish grief, tied up in silk ribbons and dripping in pearls, swallowed by heaven with nothing to keep.

0

Apr 7, 2015

Apr 7, 2015 at 11:47 PM UTC

little

i’m trying to twist my terror into something that can hold me, a cradle for my baby heart, my suckling soul. i want my crown, i want my safe place to bleed, laid out like a snow angel, ****** queen. my body is a cemetery and i cannot sleep here, i’m a china doll, the earth cracked my skull. every sound makes me wail like an infant ghost, nameless and buried in the morning. dolores haze, barefoot in the garden, singing lullabies for my childish grief, tied up in silk ribbons and dripping in pearls, swallowed by heaven with nothing to keep.

12

blood or strawberry syrup, i feast on my gore, my waste, my crime. i swallowed God and purged him up. i starved myself to heaven’s gates but couldn't fit through the bars, thick with sin, putrid and heavy. i fell to the earth. aspartame heartbeat, cardiac arrested, imprisoned, no way out. i became the wound i created, let it grow, let it fester and rot with a coat of sugar and cinnamon. my pain is full of calories, so i purged that too. true love is an execution, a sacrifice, careful and divine. my candied crucifixion, holy libation to a lonely tyrant. i made a mess, binged into oblivion, emptiness. it is not romantic, but it is something.

0

Feb 11, 2015

Feb 11, 2015 at 1:49 AM UTC

frail leviathan

blood or strawberry syrup, i feast on my gore, my waste, my crime. i swallowed God and purged him up. i starved myself to heaven’s gates but couldn't fit through the bars, thick with sin, putrid and heavy. i fell to the earth. aspartame heartbeat, cardiac arrested, imprisoned, no way out. i became the wound i created, let it grow, let it fester and rot with a coat of sugar and cinnamon. my pain is full of calories, so i purged that too. true love is an execution, a sacrifice, careful and divine. my candied crucifixion, holy libation to a lonely tyrant. i made a mess, binged into oblivion, emptiness. it is not romantic, but it is something.

24

my body, the hand grenade ugly crawls inside, makes a nest. an animal chained in a cage, my insect in a jar. i spit out my ugly. it wasn't supposed to be this way. life is a simple arrangement of numbers and measures. the bathroom mirror under florescent lights is my sacred altar. never mind that nothing else is sacred. my broken body, the hungry child i give her food, i take it away. i make her cry. i bleed for her. she swallows my ache and comes back for more.

0

Jan 1, 2015

Jan 1, 2015 at 8:04 PM UTC

on dysmorphia

my body, the hand grenade ugly crawls inside, makes a nest. an animal chained in a cage, my insect in a jar. i spit out my ugly. it wasn't supposed to be this way. life is a simple arrangement of numbers and measures. the bathroom mirror under florescent lights is my sacred altar. never mind that nothing else is sacred. my broken body, the hungry child i give her food, i take it away. i make her cry. i bleed for her. she swallows my ache and comes back for more.

14

poker face, deadpan hemoglobin lips, body gore, angel cake (tastes just fine coming back up) sins of the flesh, why can’t i scour below the skin? call me baby girl, make me cry, i’m afraid to say it, hit me, i want your attention, harder, excoriated before you, glimmering ***** cherry scented and bleeding. bile, tabula rasa, i know better, but i’ve got a cavity to fill, sweet heart, rotting on the tile floor, i leaned over, retched, and trespassed god’s will to be clean again.

0

Nov 8, 2014

Nov 8, 2014 at 2:01 AM UTC

sugar

poker face, deadpan hemoglobin lips, body gore, angel cake (tastes just fine coming back up) sins of the flesh, why can’t i scour below the skin? call me baby girl, make me cry, i’m afraid to say it, hit me, i want your attention, harder, excoriated before you, glimmering ***** cherry scented and bleeding. bile, tabula rasa, i know better, but i’ve got a cavity to fill, sweet heart, rotting on the tile floor, i leaned over, retched, and trespassed god’s will to be clean again.

22

my longing is suffocating, concrete poured over my living corpse, heavy and hollow, that faithless cry falls mute. i do not need. these grisly limbs ache, vacant as the mirror, no reflection, i chased my love to the edge of the ocean and watched the waves steal it away. i’ve swallowed my curse. i’ve covered my tracks. i do not need.

0

Oct 30, 2014

Oct 30, 2014 at 2:41 AM UTC

exeunt

my longing is suffocating, concrete poured over my living corpse, heavy and hollow, that faithless cry falls mute. i do not need. these grisly limbs ache, vacant as the mirror, no reflection, i chased my love to the edge of the ocean and watched the waves steal it away. i’ve swallowed my curse. i’ve covered my tracks. i do not need.

10