this time,
i saw it coming,
or so i say.
this time,
it didn't hurt,
i wasn't sad,
i was nothing.
because
this time,
i was numb...
whatever was left;
an inkling, a trace of what there was,
is gone.
and this time,
it didn't hurt because the nerves have been stripped,
and i'm not sad because the well has run dry.
this time,
you've taken everything.
and now - what i am and what i have left -
is nothing.
Dec 6, 2018
Dec 6, 2018 at 10:13 PM UTC
I love you &
I'm paranoid.
Missing you;
It's a disease.
I'm scared...
Of who I am?
Of who you think I am?
I love you,
And I don't know...
If it is e n o u g h
Apr 19, 2017
Apr 19, 2017 at 8:20 PM UTC
It's always weird coming home
To no one,
Knowing I did this
To myself.
It hurts,
Hurts.
It makes me feel like
It's time,
It always feels likes
It's time.
I hate it but,
It keeps me feeling,
At least.
Maybe it is time.
Maybe it was a while ago.
Nov 21, 2016
Nov 21, 2016 at 11:29 PM UTC
i promised i would stop
but,
you are the vice
i cannot give up,
the addiction i will always
hold on to.
the comforting
crippling
reminder
of the fate that could have been
but will not be.
it feels like years
since i've heard your voice,
since i felt your skin
against my skin.
years since
i had something
worth
letting my guard down for.
the flowers were still
in bloom
and the warmth
was plentiful.
we were alive
but,
it is winter again
even in the dead of August,
even in the smoldering heat.
it is winter
again
and i am cold
without you.
Aug 11, 2015
Aug 11, 2015 at 4:54 PM UTC
I don't care if I die tonight,
And never grow older.
All my life, but as of tonight,
I've never been colder.
And I realized tonight,
That my friends aren't my friends.
Because it's Friday night,
And I'm alone and I'm spent.
Yeah I'm drunk,
What's it ******* to ya?
How else can I get through huh?
Yeah I'm drunk,
And I hope sober isn't next.
Because I've never felt so alive,
This close to death.
Jun 6, 2015
Jun 6, 2015 at 12:24 AM UTC
sometimes my heart is a garden,
sometimes it is a landfill.
sometimes
i think about love and
warmth and good,
and how i could do
anything because
i’m special and
i’m talented.
sometimes
i think
i could even go to church
and god would smile
and i would smile back.
sometimes
i think about thunderstorms
and dark and alone,
and how if i stayed
in this bed all day
every day
i could just fade into nothing.
sometimes
i’m afraid to open the window
because who knows
if today’s the day
i jump.
sometimes my heart is a garden,
sometimes it is a landfill.
and i'm looking for that
special kind of person
who can find
the treasure
in both.
Mar 22, 2015
Mar 22, 2015 at 11:26 PM UTC
what have i done?
it feels like suicide,
like there are bullet holes
in my mind;
like i’m the one
who pulled the trigger.
i miss you.
i could scream it
*over
and
over*
it feels like homicide,
like there’s a noose
around our love;
like i’m the one
who placed it there.
what have i done to myself?
what have i done to us,
and why?
you reckless ******* hypocrite.
why would you ****
the only thing
keeping you alive?
Mar 6, 2015
Mar 6, 2015 at 8:40 PM UTC
*i'll miss you till earthquakes
stop shaking the ground.
i'll miss you till rain clouds
stop flooding the town.
i'll miss you in silence
and miss you in screams.
i'll miss you as fire
engulfs all our dreams.
i'll miss laughing and crying
and holding you close.
i'll miss you when all
that remains is my ghost.
i'll miss you while lonesome,
waiting outside your door.
i'll miss you forever
and forever more.
i'll miss you my dearest,
i'm sorry to go.
i loathe my decision
but it must be so.*
Mar 4, 2015
Mar 4, 2015 at 2:56 AM UTC
my eyes open, sullenly.
not a movement from
my body,
but that of my left arm,
reaching out for
that awful device
that forces me
to comprehend
a drab reality.
tap to snooze
waking up from a dream
where every day isn’t
the same monotony,
and every class isn’t
the same anesthesia,
and every moment
isn’t enveloped
in the pain
of missing you.
tap to snooze
i lay here hoping
begging, even,
that this burden
of waking life will cease,
and that one day
i will cross over
to the sleep realm
and never again
will i need to
tap to snooze
Feb 10, 2015
Feb 10, 2015 at 1:46 PM UTC
letting go of you
would be like
confining myself
to a boat
in order to taste
the freedom
of the ocean.
and every day I'm
without you
would feel like swimming
to the surface
in a panic,
gasping for air
as your name
fills my lung
and drowns me.
Feb 6, 2015
Feb 6, 2015 at 3:42 AM UTC