the moon
is a testament
to the idea that
something so heavy
and encircled by darkness
can still
bring
light.
-rgp
Nov 28, 2018
Nov 28, 2018 at 10:42 PM UTC
my fears outrun me
while i stumble over air
i keep tripping over
what isn’t even there.
-rgp
Nov 28, 2018
Nov 28, 2018 at 10:23 PM UTC
her eyes are bloodshot and dried out
she hasn't blinked in hours
a screen flickers on and off
just as her mind floats in and out of consciousness
there's shadows on the ceilings
like ones she left behind in the city
she remembers a smile
and jolts upright in bed
there's a smile that haunts her
the sun rises in a couple hours
and she is still awake.
-rgp
Mar 17, 2018
Mar 17, 2018 at 3:46 AM UTC
i think you hurt me
and i think,
at the time at least
i liked it.
i liked that someone listened to me
that should’ve been the first red flag
no one listens to me
i mean no one like you listens to me.
and i didn’t think it odd or inappropriate
i’m gay,
i told you
i didn’t think you were a threat
and that should’ve been the second.
i didn’t think it was weird
when you asked me for selfies
because people swap selfies, right?
i’ve sent some pretty hideous double chinned bedhead dead eyed selfies to my girlfriend
how is it any different if it’s to a guy friend?
except it was different
you asked to see my thigh gap
my feet
my lordotic back because you wanted to see how my muscular dystrophy affected me
physically.
that should’ve been the third.
you called me pet names.
you told me you loved me.
you said you would always be there for me when no one else was.
fourth. fifth. sixth.
at first i thought it endearing and a platonic kind of love.
but you don’t say those things to a girl you met on the internet
i don’t.
i struggle saying those three words.
they weigh me down and make me choke on air when i try to say them out loud
so when you insisted i say them back, that you wouldn’t stop bugging me until i did,
i panicked
typed them, hit “send”
and cried later
and you told me it’s no big deal, everyone says “i love you”
not me. never me.
seventh flag.
you told me you’d visit
you told me we were meant to be
like a ****** up romeo and juliet
you spent your nights talking me down off of suicidal ledges
you thought you saved me
you kept telling me to just ******* eat, that starving myself was stupid, that you couldn’t have me die on you, that you were supposed to die first
“death is not a race,” i said
“you’ll win anyway if i don’t save you,” you replied
eighth flag.
i didn’t like it anymore.
i think you hurt me.
i can’t be too sure since you’ve convinced me you were just being friendly but i’m starting to come out of this fog you’ve put me in
and i do believe
you’ve hurt me.
-rgp
Feb 5, 2018
Feb 5, 2018 at 2:21 AM UTC
i thought that if i left it
in the yesteryear
i might finally get to sleep
you can’t leave a heavy it
on the stoop of a goodbye
and expect the door to contain its grisliness
like a puppy
it chased me
and clung to my leg
like a three year old
but those things are light
and my it dragged me down like quicksand
like a lover
begging me to come back to bed
just ten more minutes
of mind numbing pain
masked in silent nights
and silent cries
i’m such a fool
to think i could leave my it
when i hadn’t said goodbye.
-z.z
Jan 9, 2018
Jan 9, 2018 at 2:03 AM UTC
what happens when i no longer like your pink, sweet, version of me you’ve curated?
what would happen if i erased all colour completely?
no, i’m not talking about choosing blue over pink or yellow or green
“gender neutral” clothing isn’t any shade on the colour wheel
i’m talking about if i never associated the colour pink with femininity
and blue with masculinity
and yellow and green with “gender neutrality”
what if my life was just void of colour?
like if i were to say i didn’t feel like a girl nor a boy
nor the brief possibility of both
i just feel
like that grey space in between the most diluted shades on the colour wheel
would you still force me to call myself “daughter”?
Nov 29, 2017
Nov 29, 2017 at 3:26 AM UTC
i am apathetic.
which is funny, for an empath
to go from feeling too much
to feeling nothing
what stress caused the strings to break within me?
what bitterness and hatred caused a sudden lack of feeling?
oh
chronic depression
you’re back.
****
-rgp
Nov 21, 2017
Nov 21, 2017 at 3:17 AM UTC