One where I’m happy –
Where I can laugh with sincere glee.
I can appreciate all the things given to me.
I can look in the mirror,
and like what I see.
It’s a world so perfect –
a world where I want to be.
But then, there’s another –
a world full of misery.
Where every time I meet my own eyes,
I wonder why I even try.
I don’t like my smile, my laugh, or my thighs.
Sometimes I wish, even with temporary bliss,
that I was blind.
I doubt all I am and all I ever will be.
I don’t trust myself or anyone around me.
I try to be strong and to keep my head high,
But it’s exhausting – going back and forth.
Up, then down.
Ecstatic, then depressed.
Something, then nothing.
Two worlds, I live in…
Yet neither belong to me.
Nov 19, 2019
Nov 19, 2019 at 1:19 AM UTC
Hey.
There’s something I have to say.
I know it might not seem true, but lately, I feel really…
Blue.
It gets really bad when the sun goes down,
and I wonder what life’s all about.
It doesn’t really seem like there’s much to it,
No reason to be – no reason to get through it.
I can’t fall asleep and I can’t run from it.
How many nights until I give in to it?
But then the sun comes up,
chasing away the dark clouds hiding its rays.
And suddenly my questions seem silly,
and I can make it through the day,
like anyone else.
But when I’m all alone, alone once again,
I’m left wondering why I try.
Why I smile.
I don’t feel like I mean much to anyone.
I don’t feel like I mean much to myself.
I don’t like who I am and I don’t know if I can.
I don’t think that I have much going for me.
Will I be happy? Will I succeed?
Is there a happy ending for me?
Is there a happy ending for anyone?
Jun 17, 2019
Jun 17, 2019 at 12:44 AM UTC
I’ve made a few mistakes down the road
Some keep me up late at night
I didn’t think then they would make me lose control
And it hurts how much they impact my life
Back then I never thought how or why or when
this or that could come back to haunt me again
I was foolish and desperate and blind, I know now
And because of that, I have ****** up my life
Guilt, more guilt, it eats me alive
It doesn’t matter how young I was,
Not in a predator’s eyes
A mistake is a mistake and it will nail me to my grave
No coming back from that now
What will they say, what will they do,
is there a kind of escape I can hope for - am I doomed?
Just let me live in peace, just let me scrape by
I’m terrified the life I haven’t lived is over,
I’m terrified I won’t find my light
I’ll say it once, I’ll say it twice
I’ll say it as many times as I need
I’m sorry, I apologize, I’ll get down on my knees
But please, oh please –
Don’t hold my adolescent sins against me
Feb 27, 2019
Feb 27, 2019 at 11:35 AM UTC
Do you know what path you seek?
I know not what I want, not what I dream.
But still all I see is an open road –
taking me back, taking me home.
Trees are green and skies are blue,
I have a feeling I’m searching for you.
In this life or the next and the last,
all I can think of is your whispered laugh.
So deep in the forest where the birds all sing,
let’s make a house of branches and leaves.
Away from the city, away from the noise,
comforted only by each other’s voice.
What more could I ask?
What more could I need?
Love is far more important to me.
Leave all your worries, leave all your doubts.
Together right here, together right now.
Sep 14, 2018
Sep 14, 2018 at 9:19 PM UTC
The ocean –
consists of a large mass of water.
It’s Salt Water.
Swallow and it slowly eats away at your sanity.
It’s Deadly.
To an open wound – a scrape, a cut – it does miracles.
It Purifies –
it’s Terrifying.
The power to destroy,
the power to cleanse.
A medicine?
A poison?
Who cares…
To heal memories troubling hearts and skin.
To free even the most complicated of minds.
To steal lives in instant, violent ways.
To steal everything you love right from your hands.
It's Cruel.
It's Beautiful.
Sep 11, 2018
Sep 11, 2018 at 11:29 PM UTC
And I just wanted you to know…
That he knows that we know.
That she knows that he did.
That I saw and you heard.
That he wasn't and she was.
That she knew that he swore -
That they couldn’t and he wouldn’t.
So she won and he lost.
So she scowled and he wept.
So she left,
and I looked closer.
She was gone and he was alone.
She was moving on while he was sitting at home.
She was getting over him while he cried on the floor.
She lived her life freely, while he didn’t make it much further -
And that was it.
So I told you and you told them,
and they told her and this time -
she fell to the floor.
Promises made in vain years before,
ignored first by him but in suit by her.
And because he's gone -
because she left him -
because he broke -
she did the first thing that came to mind,
and did what tore them apart in the beginning.
Getting over her addiction to him,
with the one he had broken her heart with.
So now she's alone and he's no more,
she's crying on the floor and no one knows,
not me nor you - she's behind closed doors.
And I can't see through them -
I can't see through her eyes.
But apparently, according to the note -
and everyone believes notes -
a life without him was what she had wanted.
And a life without him was what she had gotten.
But when life took him away with no second chances,
life without him was something she no longer could handle.
So she went no further.
And that was it.
So her parents told us and for the first time,
we had nothing to say.
Not once, but twice, and in the same way...
two people we'd followed with our eyes, ears, and mouths
were no longer fueling our conversations now due south.
So...
You went your way and I went mine,
he went his way, and she went on her own.
The rest spread out like Jacks before we dropped the ball,
and we were all alone this time.
Not just one, no -
Not this time.
And that... was it.
Aug 6, 2018
Aug 6, 2018 at 10:56 PM UTC
I met a boy –
in the middle of the ocean, with no prenotions.
Eyes soft as the waves –
rocking us down our way, smooth sailing my way.
I knew it wouldn’t turn into something bigger –
than a summer crush, a summer fling.
We were just living in the moment –
living young, wild, and free.
Out on the Caribbean –
where the sun shines brighter than I’ve ever seen –
I shared a kiss under the stars,
with a stranger, only at 17.
Didn't matter how many stories we told
bout the lives we lived back on the shore,
We were just basking in our short-lived loving –
lost on the ocean, my storybook romance –
I’ll forget your name, I'm sure you’ll forget mine,
but I won’t forget your face or our time.
No strings attached is a little too extreme…
It was just innocent lovin’ on the seven seas.
Aug 5, 2018
Aug 5, 2018 at 11:18 PM UTC
Deep in the forest
Hidden in the trees
You’ll find a fuzzy creature
Its eyes agleam
Wandering around its home
Its yellow heart begins to ache
For no one wants to play
With a banana hearted thing
Salty water fills its eyes
Soft whines escape its snout
It too is a bear
That’s a promise to you all
And just because his heart is different
Doesn’t mean he doesn’t care
Aug 2, 2018
Aug 2, 2018 at 9:20 PM UTC
Sometimes I can’t help but wonder why
society chose to ignore our cries.
Rather than saying we would be alright
they told us to look in the mirror,
and find a reason to survive.
You’d think it’d be easy to find a reason why,
to continue down the hall with a smile oh so wide.
But in reality, our demons never really die.
No matter the circumstance,
Negativity plays a role in every life.
Dec 18, 2017
Dec 18, 2017 at 11:34 AM UTC
When the sky grows dark,
and the sun falls away.
The moon rises high -
planning to stay.
The stars shine brightly,
inviting all eyes
as the darkness takes over
the city tonight
But fear not,
for soon the moon will stray,
as the sun rises again,
bringing the day;
again we’ll see
the beginning, again.
And again we’ll walk
in the light of the day.
Dec 12, 2017
Dec 12, 2017 at 6:27 PM UTC