warm wood floors
worn smooth from years of work boots and light-up sneakers
the sun shines through the kitchen window
if I squint I can almost see my younger self sitting at the counter
trying on her high school graduation cap for the first time
In this moment I feel both older and younger than I ever have before
I close the door to my childhood bedroom for the last time,
and the ache in my chest pulses
but I know it will fade
the pictures are gone from the walls
but the memories remain
the love remains
most of it will follow to our new home
but some will remain here a while longer,
warming the space and recalling the lives it once held
Sep 18, 2019
Sep 18, 2019 at 5:10 PM UTC
they ask
"how do you love what you cannot touch?"
I lift my glass palms to the furnace-fire sky
feel the sweet ache in my wrists and knees
each cell in my body is a note
together, they make a song
a symphony in progress
the Lord said,
"let there be light,
let there be dancing shoes,
let there be romantic sonnets,
let there be sweet potatoes,
let there be laughter"
and behold,
is it not beautiful?
Sep 18, 2019
Sep 18, 2019 at 5:09 PM UTC
the moonlight makes her naked shoulder blades
look more like angel wings
her hipbones become hollows where fairies rest
in the right kind of dark,
she teaches me the secrets of her bones
the first step toward flying is always the fall
I take the risk of crashing into the rough land
so that I may kiss the clouds
I brush my fingertips across skin that once seemed unreachable
I shed my red agonies for her clear songs
she shows me how to recognize the beauty I carry in my blood
stroke by stroke
Sep 18, 2019
Sep 18, 2019 at 5:08 PM UTC
we breathe warm July air into our lungs
the breeze passing gently past strawberry-stained lips
we chase fireflies through the woods,
hands outstretched, reaching, reaching
our laughter is golden-sweet
we love like dandelions in bloom,
fleeting and fading
we stain our sheets with the mud of summer rain
or the blood of skinned knees
we wake in the dark to whisper secrets to the moon
we are so young and yet we are growing
one day we will grow large enough to shed this childish skin
but until then we will jump and yell like the wild things we are
singing a song of freedom and youth
Sep 18, 2019
Sep 18, 2019 at 5:07 PM UTC
The purple sweater hangs in the closet,
In the back where painful memories hide.
Its fabric still soft,
Her scent still barely there.
But its sleeves remain empty,
Without hope of animation.
An artifact of a time gone by
If you hold your breath,
You can almost hear her laughter.
If you squint,
You can almost see her smile.
But only for a second
You slip it over your shoulders
And breathe through the sharp pain in your chest
It feels like breaking,
But it feels like healing too.
It always hurts,
But so do most things worth remembering.
May 12, 2019
May 12, 2019 at 8:56 AM UTC
I think the saddest part is that a part of me still wants to forgive you
A part of me is still carrying a torch for the man you once were
The man you could be again
But you and I both know how you feel about change
You and I both know how you feel about me
You say that you love me
The words drip from your mouth like honey
Sticky sweet and sickening
This is not love
And it hasn't been for quite some time
This is obsession, this is infatuation, this is lust
You don't miss me, you miss how willing I was to take off my clothes
To open myself up to you, bare my body and soul to you
Primal and disgusting and everything you wanted
You miss my passivity
My fear of the word "no"
My fear of disappointing you
You tell me I've changed
You don't recognize that you are the one who changed me
You set this house of my heart ablaze and I have risen from the ashes
I am no longer what I once was, not anymore
Jun 29, 2018
Jun 29, 2018 at 2:23 PM UTC
Today
I am somewhere deep within my mind
Curled up tighter than the grip of your hand around my neck
I am trying to forget
But the memories are vivid like blood on crisp white sheets
I close my eyes
But you wait behind my eyelids
I scream at you to go until my voice is hoarse
But you remain
Smiling
I begged you not to lie to me
But that's all you did
I used to ache for you
Our desire so hot
Just a glimpse could ignite the dry pine forests around us
Now the thought of you is like ice forming around my bones
You make me sick and I can no longer stand the sight of you
Please
Leave me alone
Jun 29, 2018
Jun 29, 2018 at 2:01 PM UTC
My greatest fear has always been
Having someone love me
And not being able to love them back
I know that ache, that cold burning pain
I know the way throats tighten at the words
Maybe we should just be friends
So when I saw that look in your eyes I ran
I was so afraid of hurting you
But in my fear I destroyed us both
You asked me to love you
And I tried
I ate fallen stars in an attempt to grant your wish
But all it did was burn me from the inside out
I'm sorry
Jun 29, 2018
Jun 29, 2018 at 1:59 PM UTC
heavy wind
cold rain
and yes, the stars
and yes, these hands of mine
a dream in my chest is molting
my dream sheds its muddy thunder-stained skin
and asks for a heart of sunflower fields this time
and the nights get heavy
like they always do
I am older which means
when I think of forests I get stuck
not on the robin eggs
but on the fox teeth
in my head I am hunting for myself
but I come up empty again
the night grows so wide it could be a cavern
and I am somewhere underneath it, inside it, lost
but travelers always leave lanterns behind
and as I feel for the candle
there arrives a memory of bronze colored light
so I dream
I dream
I keep dreaming
one word in my mouth crystallizes like sugar
hope
Jun 29, 2018
Jun 29, 2018 at 1:59 PM UTC
Nefarious shivers devouring aurora
Passion repeated itself faster than history
Now is not the time to be demure
Now is not the time to be modest
She sways like waves swimming under her lover's hands
Again and again she pulls me under
Again and again I drown
Love has nice hearts and breaks them all just to prove a point
She refuses to see herself for the murderer that she is
She is anarchy of the power for those in need
I prefer admiration
Pray at the altar of my body as I come undone
Make me forget what I once was
Make me forget whatever we could have been
All of my ballads are doused in agony
The edges of tempests meet and even the chorus melts
The way she looks at me is almost angelic
Jun 22, 2018
Jun 22, 2018 at 2:31 PM UTC