question_mark - Hello Poetry

what they don't tell you about grief is the after the quiet after the news sitting outside the front door "I feel sick, I feel sick, I feel sick-" Her shoes still where she left them Her box of cigarettes untouched like a crimescene what they don't tell you about grief is days after where you'll wash your hair and need to stop every so often because you can't stop crying Her clothes in the laundry basket that she put there don't smell like her anymore and you sit there with a jacket pressed to your nose hoping for the faintest scent what they don't tell you about grief is the messages she still gets on her phone promotional texts about something or other "Hello Name! We have good offers on-" you'll find her shopping cards and wonder if you can still use them She was your mom it can't be illegal right? What they don't tell you about grief is that the earth still turns the sun still rises the world carries on

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Jan 21, 2024

Jan 21, 2024 at 10:44 PM UTC

what they don't tell you

what they don't tell you about grief is the after the quiet after the news sitting outside the front door "I feel sick, I feel sick, I feel sick-" Her shoes still where she left them Her box of cigarettes untouched like a crimescene what they don't tell you about grief is days after where you'll wash your hair and need to stop every so often because you can't stop crying Her clothes in the laundry basket that she put there don't smell like her anymore and you sit there with a jacket pressed to your nose hoping for the faintest scent what they don't tell you about grief is the messages she still gets on her phone promotional texts about something or other "Hello Name! We have good offers on-" you'll find her shopping cards and wonder if you can still use them She was your mom it can't be illegal right? What they don't tell you about grief is that the earth still turns the sun still rises the world carries on

18

so it starts with a girl, barely the age of 10 and already wondering when the baby fat will melt off glances in the mirror at unwanted curves and softness why would a 10 year old need to worry about their body? comments from a father about diets and diseases and suddenly food stops being a necessity but a burden a brother remarking how a second helping is how you develop diabetes, you don't eat again that night mom tries to help, "you've got a nice figure" she says it only makes you hate the softness more so a girl, at the ripe age of 17, decides that food is no longer a nessesity but a burden a few months into it a friend makes a joke how you need to start eating more because of how small you're getting you laugh it off and ignore the pride swelling in your chest because food was never good or nourishing but rather numbers on a scale and buttons that didn't quite close because food was always a burden and never a nesessity

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Aug 17, 2022

Aug 17, 2022 at 11:48 AM UTC

offhanded

so it starts with a girl, barely the age of 10 and already wondering when the baby fat will melt off glances in the mirror at unwanted curves and softness why would a 10 year old need to worry about their body? comments from a father about diets and diseases and suddenly food stops being a necessity but a burden a brother remarking how a second helping is how you develop diabetes, you don't eat again that night mom tries to help, "you've got a nice figure" she says it only makes you hate the softness more so a girl, at the ripe age of 17, decides that food is no longer a nessesity but a burden a few months into it a friend makes a joke how you need to start eating more because of how small you're getting you laugh it off and ignore the pride swelling in your chest because food was never good or nourishing but rather numbers on a scale and buttons that didn't quite close because food was always a burden and never a nesessity

13

your "daughter" is depressed I use daughter in that way because I still haven't worked up the courage to tell you because I wouldn't expect you to understand the discomfort the yearning desire for something I'm not because allowing you my dearest thoughts would have you assume control of a brain I wish were locked away into a cell with no key so I ask were you aware that your child suffers from a disease that spreads but doesn't a bitter substance that has living unbearable and I can't breathe, mom because I spent so long fighting my brain I assumed there would be strength but rather I'd have darkness consume me than continue the battle for light I ask once more did you know I wasn't happy?

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Oct 21, 2020

Oct 21, 2020 at 1:30 PM UTC

did you know?

your "daughter" is depressed I use daughter in that way because I still haven't worked up the courage to tell you because I wouldn't expect you to understand the discomfort the yearning desire for something I'm not because allowing you my dearest thoughts would have you assume control of a brain I wish were locked away into a cell with no key so I ask were you aware that your child suffers from a disease that spreads but doesn't a bitter substance that has living unbearable and I can't breathe, mom because I spent so long fighting my brain I assumed there would be strength but rather I'd have darkness consume me than continue the battle for light I ask once more did you know I wasn't happy?

20

I wish I could defy logic to tell you I understand and I know the extent of the pain that sits in your chest in the back of your mind when you do things to forget I wish I could go back and hug you tight and loving because I know but I wish I could tell you that you'd smile again genuine and pure and you're going to feel more like yourself than what you have in a long time I want to have been that voice in the back of your head to tell you carry on but maybe I was because you're still here because you laughed at the dog the other day and the small things bring you joy like the purples and oranges of sunsets and the smell of coffee while rays shine onto skin that you can show again baths aren't filled with tears but rather steam and bubbles and warmth you laugh at the small things that you'd normally overlook you smile when it rains and you can finally breathe again after so long you can breathe again

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Sep 6, 2020

Sep 6, 2020 at 6:34 PM UTC

breathe

I wish I could defy logic to tell you I understand and I know the extent of the pain that sits in your chest in the back of your mind when you do things to forget I wish I could go back and hug you tight and loving because I know but I wish I could tell you that you'd smile again genuine and pure and you're going to feel more like yourself than what you have in a long time I want to have been that voice in the back of your head to tell you carry on but maybe I was because you're still here because you laughed at the dog the other day and the small things bring you joy like the purples and oranges of sunsets and the smell of coffee while rays shine onto skin that you can show again baths aren't filled with tears but rather steam and bubbles and warmth you laugh at the small things that you'd normally overlook you smile when it rains and you can finally breathe again after so long you can breathe again

26

cigarettes and something else corners were down most of the time I can't remember when last they smiled hair short and messy played with a lot hand runs through the nest when unsure they used to laugh a snort or a cackle head thrown back and hands covering face jokes about nothing somehow the feeling lit up always an attempt for happy or sunflowers somewhere doodles stopped smiles turned to frowns cheeks that once hurt from smiling stained from tears that seem to never end a smile that lit up turned to a frown to stay away from yellow became black and I watched it all happen

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Apr 30, 2020

Apr 30, 2020 at 8:43 AM UTC

Them

cigarettes and something else corners were down most of the time I can't remember when last they smiled hair short and messy played with a lot hand runs through the nest when unsure they used to laugh a snort or a cackle head thrown back and hands covering face jokes about nothing somehow the feeling lit up always an attempt for happy or sunflowers somewhere doodles stopped smiles turned to frowns cheeks that once hurt from smiling stained from tears that seem to never end a smile that lit up turned to a frown to stay away from yellow became black and I watched it all happen

20

I assume I should apologise For the words wrought in red Of fire and rage "you hurt me" I cry But what of the actions That brought about the desire for death Hatred brews deep within Of oneself perhaps Possibly the subject of this piece I cannot say To the idea maybe That the initial time doors open Flowers will bloom on arms And eyes will crinkle in corners I cannot say for sure

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Apr 8, 2020

Apr 8, 2020 at 5:48 PM UTC

Wrought

I assume I should apologise For the words wrought in red Of fire and rage "you hurt me" I cry But what of the actions That brought about the desire for death Hatred brews deep within Of oneself perhaps Possibly the subject of this piece I cannot say To the idea maybe That the initial time doors open Flowers will bloom on arms And eyes will crinkle in corners I cannot say for sure

15

How do I explain the hurt? The feeling of nothing and everything Emptiness that sits in my chest That somehow has a weight And I can not get up Or do anything about it How is it possible for pain To mix with numb And become something so unbearable I can not breathe Air entering my lungs hurts While I try to gasp to keep This body alive that is so damaged To match the mind That seems to cling to hurt like a life source The pain it cannot live without It seems that good is foreign In this head Of sadness and suffering that sits alone With its self

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Apr 6, 2020

Apr 6, 2020 at 6:13 AM UTC

Mind

How do I explain the hurt? The feeling of nothing and everything Emptiness that sits in my chest That somehow has a weight And I can not get up Or do anything about it How is it possible for pain To mix with numb And become something so unbearable I can not breathe Air entering my lungs hurts While I try to gasp to keep This body alive that is so damaged To match the mind That seems to cling to hurt like a life source The pain it cannot live without It seems that good is foreign In this head Of sadness and suffering that sits alone With its self

20

if I told you the "F" marked on my birth certificate wasn't me would you tell me how wrong I am? how I'm too young to know or think something like that? if I told you I'd rather flatten my chest deepen my voice shorten my hair be called something you think I'm not how would that turn out? I hope one day I can tell you how I feel without the fear or proof that to you I wouldn't be a child playing dress up

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Jan 10, 2020

Jan 10, 2020 at 6:08 AM UTC

To Mom

if I told you the "F" marked on my birth certificate wasn't me would you tell me how wrong I am? how I'm too young to know or think something like that? if I told you I'd rather flatten my chest deepen my voice shorten my hair be called something you think I'm not how would that turn out? I hope one day I can tell you how I feel without the fear or proof that to you I wouldn't be a child playing dress up

21

remember the laughs how nothing would trigger a giggle stomach fluttering smiling eyes a smack on the shoulder small touches talking about nothing meant something and you said I mattered

0

Jan 3, 2020

Jan 3, 2020 at 3:20 PM UTC

Simple

remember the laughs how nothing would trigger a giggle stomach fluttering smiling eyes a smack on the shoulder small touches talking about nothing meant something and you said I mattered

8

I see it as a person no thought or illness but this tag along that refuses to leave on days where I am sad I listen as friends try their best to make it easier on days like this the voice screams I don't hear the reassurance and praise but only the screams the bad I find myself feeling guilty for this voice in my head unable to hear anything but how terrible I am I find myself feeling guilty for the people around me this person in my head spreads a darkness and I do not blame people for running for safety

0

Dec 14, 2019

Dec 14, 2019 at 9:03 PM UTC

Depression

I see it as a person no thought or illness but this tag along that refuses to leave on days where I am sad I listen as friends try their best to make it easier on days like this the voice screams I don't hear the reassurance and praise but only the screams the bad I find myself feeling guilty for this voice in my head unable to hear anything but how terrible I am I find myself feeling guilty for the people around me this person in my head spreads a darkness and I do not blame people for running for safety

11