Walking away from the guy I was in love with was probably the hardest thing I've ever done in my seventeen years of life, but I knew it had to be done.
He was ruining me. Over time I slowly began to lose myself, and the longer I stayed with him, the more pieces of myself I lost in the mist of chaos. I was too blind at the time to see that being with him meant extreme sacrifice. It meant being lead me astray from the path I was on to a very different change of course, a course that was not going to lead me to the person I was meant to become. It meant saying goodbye the future I had planned all my life and worked for since I was a little girl. As doors started closing on me I began to see the future I envisioned for myself crumble before my eyes. I realized he was going down a much different path than what I was originally on, and he was dragging me along for the ride.
He was altering the way I saw myself. "What have I become?" I constantly asked myself. I lost all self-understanding and the more I loved him the less I loved myself. I always put him before myself, showing him that I came last. Being committed and doing my best to be the best girlfriend I could be apparently wasn't enough because he still went looking elsewhere. Cheating on me left and right, sleeping around with random girls, and settling for being the one he came back to when he was done ******* around.
He was draining my soul
Now I stand here. Looking in the mirror. I've died on the inside but I am alive. Recovering will take time and it won't be an easy road ahead, but by leaving I gave myself a head start to healing and moving on. I am strong. I'm so proud of myself for leaving him to be honest. I never thought I would and I'm sure he never thought I would either. But I had to. I ******* had to do it for myself.
Feb 18, 2017
Feb 18, 2017 at 3:51 AM UTC
Relationships are about giving and I can honestly say I gave you everything I had. I gave you my heart and every ounce of love I had in me. I gave you unconditional love and support and I even gave you multiple chances. Everything I did for you came from my heart because I loved you and I would've done anything to show you. All I wanted in return was to recieve the love I gave.
I wanted you. I wanted all of you. But you gave nothing.
Feb 18, 2017
Feb 18, 2017 at 3:39 AM UTC
You said you wanted me and that you loved me, yet you did nothing to prove those words were true. I always told you, "actions speak louder than words."
Now I ask myself why I settled for so long. Why I settled for minimum effort and lousy excuses. I knew the truth all along but I tried to ignore it and convince myself it wasn't true. Because the truth is that you were incapable of giving me all of you.
But maybe that's okay, because now I see how I wasn't deserving of you. I was deserving of so much more than what you were and what you had to offer, while you were not deserving of me. You were never deserving of what I am and everything I have to offer. Deep down we both always knew this.
Feb 18, 2017
Feb 18, 2017 at 3:35 AM UTC
Tired of being lied to
Tired of being unappreciated
Tired of being cheated on
Tired of being neglected
Tired of being taken for granted
Tired of being the only one trying
Tired of wasting my time
Tired of loving someone who's incapable of loving me
Tired of going in circles
Tired of the drama
Tired of being second choice
Tired of being at your convenience
Tired of the ********
Tired of you
Feb 18, 2017
Feb 18, 2017 at 3:26 AM UTC
I promised myself I would never fall in love again but I did.
And it was scary at first but I think it's beautiful how someone with such a damaged heart can open up and love again.
Jun 21, 2016
Jun 21, 2016 at 9:08 PM UTC
There's only so much damage a person can take and after all the damage and abuse mine has been through, I swore falling in love, again, just wasn't in the cards for me. I went through so much at the young age of 14 and I didn't know how to deal with my emotions. I was only 14, you know? How do you come to the acceptance that the only boy you've ever loved used the fact you loved him unconditionally as a tool against you to break your heart? It was too much for me. So for 3 years I stayed away from the idea of "love" all together. I promised and swore to myself that after all the trauma I went through that no one could love me, not even my family, and that "never again will I let someone in." And for 3 years, I kept that promise. We broke up May 2014 and I never wanted to fall in love after that May... But then May 2016 came...
At the end of my junior year I met this guy, and from the moment I met him everything just about him drew me in. He was so handsome and he was so unbelievably sweet to me. He made me feel appreciated and made my heart feel alive. When I kissed him the first time I fell in love and when he put his hands on me it was to hold me not to hurt me. But I was still scared, because I didn't want to get hurt again.
Because for 3 years I stayed away from love but I didn't stay away from boys. I talked to boys, hung out with boys, but when I found myself catching feelings I ran away. I just couldn't do it...
I never intended to fall in love again, it just kinda happened. He's a dream come true and he is such a blessing in my life. I love him, I really do. And I never want to lose him... I can't...
Jun 21, 2016
Jun 21, 2016 at 2:13 AM UTC